And One More Disclaimer (aka Getting Real)

All of my reflections on the best of 2009 makes me feel a little fake, like The Cosby Show, where no one has any problems that can't be solved in a half-hour with commercials and a good, ole down-to-earth chit chat with dad that always ends with a sweet, funny one-liner.

Despite all my chatter about peace and happiness, I still have a terrible problem with taking things personally. Like when my friends give away the spices I made them for Christmas or when my husband rolls his eyes in delight at my friend's Christmas candy, but won't even bother to break open the spices I ground and mixed and bottled. Like when my friend shows up a half hour late to use my shower at o-dark thirty in the morning without acknowledging the tardiness of the arrival or the fact that I got up at 5:30 on a Saturday to sit and wait for her to show up. Like when my brother and his wife don't show or call or mention the invitation to my child's birthday party. Like when my friend tells my daughter that "it's okay if she doesn't believe in God, but she should respect other people's beliefs," as if my daughter is some kind of freak who needs to respect but not be respected. Like . . . well, I need to quit this because my blood pressure is rising, and it's just not healthy, and I'm starting to see my life as more of a Roseanne episode than a Cosby episode.

Yup. Maybe for 2010, the goal ought to be to learn to not take things personally, cuz I got issues with that. I mean, I'm hauling this crap around like I'm Santa and it's my bag-o-goodies, only the goodies are for me and they aren't so good after all.

Cool Blog Found

I occasionally like to browse the blogs in blogger. Today I hit this blog: Avignon in Photos. I have been to Avignon and LOVED it. Looking at the pictures makes me want to go back. I loved the architecture, the food, the wine, and yes, even the people. I thought the French were very friendly except in Paris, which is a big city anyway. Looking at the pictures makes me smell France again.

Ahh . . . the days of being free and being able to travel to Europe. Although I miss those days, I ma very content with my life now. Still, I am looking forward to the time when I my kids are old enough to travel out of the country. I think they'll love it.

What a Crazy Semester

This last semester was insane - busy and the most stressful I have had in eleven years as a teacher. Budget cuts are no fun. Nevertheless, our school still stands, and I am alive and well and ready to do some blogging. Right now I'm trying to cram a semester's worth of neglect (health and well-being, house work, intellectual, parenting, etc.) into a week of summer, which doesn't seem to be working. I'm going to have to slow down and take things one step at a time.

I'm thinking of changing my blogging up some and moving the Buddhist commentary to its own blog. It seems weird to mix it with pictures of my kids. Those of us at Dharma Zephyr have been

I am going to work on getting my sewing and crafting space into shape and am going to take before and after pictures. I have a ridiculously long list of projects to work on this summer. My craft area is first on the list.

Right now I have to go handle a temper tantrum. signing off . . . .

Mindfulness, metta, and politics

For the last year, I have worked on being mindful and compassionate in my political dealings. I have strong feelings and been quite involved in the political process, but I have also worked to be aware of my prejudices and loving of all people with different beliefs.

I have recently met my match. Palin's nomination is laughable. Palin's claim that she is qualified to run this country because you can see Russia from an island in Alaska is just weird. Palin's lack of knowledge on the Bush doctrine is scary. Palin's condescension towards Obama's "community organizer" days is insulting.

The Republican party's hypocritical and duplicitous sudden concern for women's rights is embarrassing. The Republican party's claim that the media is bullying Palin when just nine months ago she basically said Hilary had to toughen up is frustrating.

The Republican party's campaign strategy is working.

I can take McCain as president. But I need to turn off the television, put away the newspaper and cancel the Newsweek subscription because I've already lost equanimity and because I'm having trouble feeling love and compassion for these people when I know that under all that hockey mom lipstick, Palin is just another working mom like me who may have different politics, beliefs and values than do I.

I guess I would usually compare myself to a Labrador, while Palin compares herself to a pit bull. Except that I feel like the lab being mauled by the neighbor's pit bull.

I guess I'm back from my blogging hiatus.

Inspiration

I am currently reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book Being Peace. If you haven't read this, I suggest that you do. There are some places that are overtly Buddhist, but much of the book applies to anyone of any faith or background.

This is from my morning reading: Every day we do things, we are things, that have to do with peace. If we are aware of our lifestyle, our way of consuming, of looking at things, we will know how to make peace right in the moment we are alive, the present moment.

I found this very inspiring in many ways, but it especially spoke to me in terms of my current consumption awareness.

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I am thinking about changing the name of this blog. Latte Mama sounds a little . . . awkward. And since most of my posts are about Buddhism, it seems appropriate to have that in the title. Another option, I suppose, is to keep this for family and start a new blog. Any thoughts?

Being In the Body

At the right speech retreat, we talked a lot about the importance of "being in the body." By this, I believe, we mean to be aware of our physical presence - how we're feeling. It came up because when we're dealing with a conflict, it's good to be aware of how we're physically responding to the person so that we can be mindful of our actions. For example, if I find that my muscles tighten when I'm talking to someone, I can think about how I am feeling tense and try not to let my tension drive my part in the conversation.

Overall, however, being in the body contributes more broadly to living mindfully, and I've been working on being aware of my physical responses to my world.

Tonight, my son came down with a high fever . . . and quickly at that. I felt panicky. I know I can't get hysterical when my kids are sick, partly because I know I'm most likely overreacting and partly because I know it can only make the situation worse. So I tried to think about my physical reaction to the situation. My chest muscles were tight, I had butterflies in my stomach, and (something I have recently noticed happening) my arms were tingling. (The arm tingling I have noticed a lot lately. I've never really been aware of it before; I'm guessing this is the result of me now becoming more mindful, not because the tingling is new.)

I reminded myself of the concept of clinging, that I was clinging to my son's health. Part of me thought I need to let go. Sickness is part of life. Stop clinging to his health. And the other part of me thought Screw that! My son is sick! My son is sick! When you're imagining the worst case scenario - (Dare I say it?) that your child may die - being mindful seems a little . . . pointless. Nevertheless, I tried to stay mindful, tried to stay calm at least on the exterior.

My son's fever dropped to 100.3 after Tylenol and a cold bath. Now he's in bed, and I have all night to worry. It will be a good exercise in being mindful, present, and in the body. And a good exercise in realizing that the world doesn't end just because my lil' guy has a fever.

On another note: Thanks to Tori for acknowledging that she has read my blog. (Hello, Tori!)

***PING***

I write these blogs, mostly for myself, I know. But sometimes I wonder if anyone is out there.