I love this picture I took in Death Valley years ago. There is something quite beautiful in the desert, something unique. There is beauty in the rugged edges of the desert and the tenacity of life in such a harsh environment.

Currently, I am spending my time in a different desert state - Texas - though I head home Sunday morning. I am here for the State Teachers of the Year conference where we learn what the role entails. Who knew the position was actually a job in itself. In fact, some teachers go on sabbatical for the year. The role in Nevada is not nearly so intense, but it will mean seeking out speaking engagements. Here in Texas, we have spent time working on and crafting our individual messages, which I will share with you at a later date when mine is more . . . well . . . crafted. So stay tuned.


In the meantime, I will cover a couple Reverb prompts:

Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

I had planned on a residential retreat this last summer. I particularly wanted one through either Spirit Rock or Mountain Stream. The only five-day retreat that worked with my schedule was one by Donald Rothberg (yay!) for Jews (oh.). I could have looked harder and for ones farther away, but I didn't. This year, I will be gone four weeks out of the year, so I doubt I will commit to a reatreat, but I am hoping to do one in 2012. It's cool that our sangha has been hosting some and in such a wonderful location (Tahoe), but because they have all been during the school year, I haven't been able to attend.

Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Author: Jenny Blake)

It's difficult to answer this question, though I will take a shot anyway: I think I would say to myself Remember equanimity and that there is a lot of wisdom in the advice to not take things personally. I know the next year will be different for me in that I will need to leave my shell of introversion to meet others. Although this is no small task for a shy person, I know it will be good for me, and I know that relaxing into situations and not taking things personally will make the whole process smoother and more rewarding.

This is particularly poignant for me because I have spent the last five days feeling like a middle school student at lunch on the first day of school, trying to find where I fit in. In that way, it has at times been both awkward and very good for me.

I don't know what it is about this blog, but I feel like it has become much too heavy in its focus. I will brainstorm ways to lighten things up. In the meantime, here's joke for y'all: Why did the dinasauer cross the monkey bars?

Wait for it . . . .

Because he wanted to get to the other slide.

Teehee.

And One More Disclaimer (aka Getting Real)

All of my reflections on the best of 2009 makes me feel a little fake, like The Cosby Show, where no one has any problems that can't be solved in a half-hour with commercials and a good, ole down-to-earth chit chat with dad that always ends with a sweet, funny one-liner.

Despite all my chatter about peace and happiness, I still have a terrible problem with taking things personally. Like when my friends give away the spices I made them for Christmas or when my husband rolls his eyes in delight at my friend's Christmas candy, but won't even bother to break open the spices I ground and mixed and bottled. Like when my friend shows up a half hour late to use my shower at o-dark thirty in the morning without acknowledging the tardiness of the arrival or the fact that I got up at 5:30 on a Saturday to sit and wait for her to show up. Like when my brother and his wife don't show or call or mention the invitation to my child's birthday party. Like when my friend tells my daughter that "it's okay if she doesn't believe in God, but she should respect other people's beliefs," as if my daughter is some kind of freak who needs to respect but not be respected. Like . . . well, I need to quit this because my blood pressure is rising, and it's just not healthy, and I'm starting to see my life as more of a Roseanne episode than a Cosby episode.

Yup. Maybe for 2010, the goal ought to be to learn to not take things personally, cuz I got issues with that. I mean, I'm hauling this crap around like I'm Santa and it's my bag-o-goodies, only the goodies are for me and they aren't so good after all.

Learning Exp

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?"
I have learned a lot about happiness this year, about moving on and letting go, about handling anger, about coaching the mind to be happy even when all you're doing is sitting on a cushion.

One concept stands out, however. I discovered the concept of neural plasticity. It's a scientific concept that has far reaching implications in everyday lives. I have blogged about it before, but it's the idea that although the physical structure and makeup of the brain affect our thoughts, as it turns out, our thoughts can affect the physical structure and makeup of the brain.

Now, you might be thinking that this is a concept, not a real lesson, but it was the Rick Hanson retreat where I learned the applicable lesson. Hanson had us meditate on something that made us happy and to focus on that happiness. The effect was euphoria. Really. True euphoria. It didn't last long for me, but at that moment, it was like a new world cracked open to me and new possibilities were born.

At that moment, it became very clear to me just how powerful the idea of neural plasticity can be.

If there was one thing I would shout from the tops of buildings, it would be, "People! You do not have to be a victim to your biological makeup . . . well, neurologically speaking, anyway." Ok. Maybe the tops of buildings isn't the most effective form of relaying this message, but I want every American to be exposed to this concept. We are a culture of anitdepressants. I have no qualms with people taking antidepressants. This is more about a cultural pattern than an individual struggling with depression. But we need to know that there are things we can do to affect the way our brains function. Powerfully affect the way our brains function. And if we keep at it, momentum comes into play, and that positive force forms more positive energy.

Although I have experienced some very stressful situations this year, I have been happier than I have ever been for many reasons, but largely because I opened myself up to the possibility of true happiness and the idea of myself being that true source of happiness.

It rocked my world.

I feel one other lesson must be addressed. Last spring, when *things* were happening at work and I was experiencing a great deal of anger, I listened to one of Gil Fronsdal's podcasts on anger. Fronsdale works at both the San Francisco Zen Center and Spirit Rock Meditation Center.  I don't remember if it was from Audio Dharma or Zencast, but I do remember him saying that paradoxically, the best time to work with anger is when you're not angry. So that is what I did. Once the situation dissipated, I spent three months working with anger - paying attention to it, looking into its causes, and practicing with skillful methods of dealing with it. I still have work to do, but I grew a lot during that three months.

So thank you to Rick Hanson, Gil Fronsdal, and the Buddha for these lessons, which will undoubtedly resonate in 2010.

Rick Hanson Retreat

I spent Saturday at a daylong retreat hosted by Dharma Zephyr Insight Medidation Community and taught by Dr. Rick Hanson. Hanson is a psychologist who is also a Buddhist practitioner and a contributor to recent research on the brain and meditation. (His web page is wisebrain.org. I suggest everyone check it out.)

The day's talk gave me so much to think about that I don't even know where to start on this blog. After some thought, I decided to start with a theme I focused on a while back as a result of Hanson's newsletter for wisebrain.org: not taking things personally.

A while back, one of the DZ members suggested our sangha do a year of practice, where each one of us takes one suggestion from the Wise Brain bulletin and focus on that one element. I adopted the challenge to not taking things personally.

I think it's important to start this discussion with a caveat on my experience: not taking things personally is like asking myself to never get angry. For me, it is pretty much an impossible task. I did take things personally, but there were moments in which I was able to contemplate my response to a certain stimuli and to try to not take it personally.

On the superficial level, not taking things personally can do wonders for your relationship by establishing a peace that might not otherwise exist. When my husband, for example, asked me if I understood the essay he gave me, I reminded myself to not take things personally. I avoided the normal, negative response I have to his concerns that I don't understand something intellectual. What could have been another terse moment between the two of us turned into a short, not unpleasant discussion.

On a deeper level, not taking things personally is letting go of the self, a Buddhist teaching that not only boggles my mind, but often evades it as well. I do not exist because - really - what am I? As Rick Hanson's partner with the Wise Brain web page, Dr. Rick Mendius explains, ". . . [T]here is no self to be injured, but only the arising and passing of states of mind." If I remember that I am not insulted, but rather there exists an emotion of feeling insulted, I can separate from it. This is good practice at beginning to understand the concept of no self, for me anyway.

A better method of understanding of no self would have been to attend the second day-long retreat. Sunday's topic was No Self and the Brain. From what I hear, it was fascinating.

I could write for a year on topics that emerged in the retreat, but I think I'll cover two more: happiness and brain chemistry. To be continued . . . .