I love this picture I took in Death Valley years ago. There is something quite beautiful in the desert, something unique. There is beauty in the rugged edges of the desert and the tenacity of life in such a harsh environment.

Currently, I am spending my time in a different desert state - Texas - though I head home Sunday morning. I am here for the State Teachers of the Year conference where we learn what the role entails. Who knew the position was actually a job in itself. In fact, some teachers go on sabbatical for the year. The role in Nevada is not nearly so intense, but it will mean seeking out speaking engagements. Here in Texas, we have spent time working on and crafting our individual messages, which I will share with you at a later date when mine is more . . . well . . . crafted. So stay tuned.


In the meantime, I will cover a couple Reverb prompts:

Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

I had planned on a residential retreat this last summer. I particularly wanted one through either Spirit Rock or Mountain Stream. The only five-day retreat that worked with my schedule was one by Donald Rothberg (yay!) for Jews (oh.). I could have looked harder and for ones farther away, but I didn't. This year, I will be gone four weeks out of the year, so I doubt I will commit to a reatreat, but I am hoping to do one in 2012. It's cool that our sangha has been hosting some and in such a wonderful location (Tahoe), but because they have all been during the school year, I haven't been able to attend.

Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Author: Jenny Blake)

It's difficult to answer this question, though I will take a shot anyway: I think I would say to myself Remember equanimity and that there is a lot of wisdom in the advice to not take things personally. I know the next year will be different for me in that I will need to leave my shell of introversion to meet others. Although this is no small task for a shy person, I know it will be good for me, and I know that relaxing into situations and not taking things personally will make the whole process smoother and more rewarding.

This is particularly poignant for me because I have spent the last five days feeling like a middle school student at lunch on the first day of school, trying to find where I fit in. In that way, it has at times been both awkward and very good for me.

I don't know what it is about this blog, but I feel like it has become much too heavy in its focus. I will brainstorm ways to lighten things up. In the meantime, here's joke for y'all: Why did the dinasauer cross the monkey bars?

Wait for it . . . .

Because he wanted to get to the other slide.

Teehee.

A few more prompts

Next prompt:  Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)


For 2010 I wanted to try a picture a day for a year. I made it all the way through August, but then I could not stomach the idea of sitting in front of a computer and editing and uploading pictures. With an online master's, your participation and even your textbook reading all take place online. I got really sick of the computer. But I do not regret my decision to stop the project. There will be other opportunities.

For 2011, I want to try to simplify my life. That's why I put the photo of the stop sign up: I want to remember to STOP and think before I act, to stop buying and to stop taking on extra responsibilities.


I am ready for this - I spent the last month not shopping at all, and I have truly enjoyed it. I can honestly say that this time around, I did not feel the urge to buy anything. In the past, I limited my purpose to environmental issues mostly, so I could buy digital items and services. This time, I looked at environmental issues, financial benefits, and attachement issues. I found it refreshing to not buy anything but groceries. I didn't even miss the almost daily latte and have instead learned to appreciate a good cup of loose leaf tea. And I appreciated more of my attentions being diverted from things to activities and people.

Partly what helped make this easy for me is that my husband decided to join me this time around. Having the most important people in your life onboard with these kinds of decisions is so incredibly helpful.

Another thing I want to try in 2011 is a residential retreat. I am not sure I will be able to fit it in with all the other traveling I have scheduled, but I am certainly going to look into it.

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)


I had some great down time this summer. Reading especially helped heal me. Because I read so much for work, it was especially nice to revisit the concept of pleasure reading. I read Shantaram, which I loved, as well as some cheesy mysteries. For my trip to Dallas, I am taking The Book Thief. I am terrified of flying, which is always allayed by a good, gripping read.

This "healing" was a slow process, but as the summer unfolded, I become more enthusiastic about everything.

For 2011, I would like to be energized by my travels and by having some free time. As I mentioned before, I am putting my master's on hold starting in a few weeks, and because I am no longer department chair, I have less work to carry home at night. Consequently, I hope to have some more time to play - to hang out with my kids, to cook, to read, to craft, and to meditate.

Learning Exp

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?"
I have learned a lot about happiness this year, about moving on and letting go, about handling anger, about coaching the mind to be happy even when all you're doing is sitting on a cushion.

One concept stands out, however. I discovered the concept of neural plasticity. It's a scientific concept that has far reaching implications in everyday lives. I have blogged about it before, but it's the idea that although the physical structure and makeup of the brain affect our thoughts, as it turns out, our thoughts can affect the physical structure and makeup of the brain.

Now, you might be thinking that this is a concept, not a real lesson, but it was the Rick Hanson retreat where I learned the applicable lesson. Hanson had us meditate on something that made us happy and to focus on that happiness. The effect was euphoria. Really. True euphoria. It didn't last long for me, but at that moment, it was like a new world cracked open to me and new possibilities were born.

At that moment, it became very clear to me just how powerful the idea of neural plasticity can be.

If there was one thing I would shout from the tops of buildings, it would be, "People! You do not have to be a victim to your biological makeup . . . well, neurologically speaking, anyway." Ok. Maybe the tops of buildings isn't the most effective form of relaying this message, but I want every American to be exposed to this concept. We are a culture of anitdepressants. I have no qualms with people taking antidepressants. This is more about a cultural pattern than an individual struggling with depression. But we need to know that there are things we can do to affect the way our brains function. Powerfully affect the way our brains function. And if we keep at it, momentum comes into play, and that positive force forms more positive energy.

Although I have experienced some very stressful situations this year, I have been happier than I have ever been for many reasons, but largely because I opened myself up to the possibility of true happiness and the idea of myself being that true source of happiness.

It rocked my world.

I feel one other lesson must be addressed. Last spring, when *things* were happening at work and I was experiencing a great deal of anger, I listened to one of Gil Fronsdal's podcasts on anger. Fronsdale works at both the San Francisco Zen Center and Spirit Rock Meditation Center.  I don't remember if it was from Audio Dharma or Zencast, but I do remember him saying that paradoxically, the best time to work with anger is when you're not angry. So that is what I did. Once the situation dissipated, I spent three months working with anger - paying attention to it, looking into its causes, and practicing with skillful methods of dealing with it. I still have work to do, but I grew a lot during that three months.

So thank you to Rick Hanson, Gil Fronsdal, and the Buddha for these lessons, which will undoubtedly resonate in 2010.

Best Album and Location

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "December 10 Album of the year. What's rocking your world?"


Well, I'm procrastinating a meditation here, so I think I'll spend some time catching up on the blog challenge. I like mellow, middle-aged lady music. *Sigh* Complete digression here, but one of my students who graduated last year called me and my friends "middle aged." Love ya, girl, but that as fun as running out of hot water when you still have to rinse the conditioner from your hair. But, my best album most certainly verifies her label: I love Priscilla Ahn's album A Good Day. Digression #2: The truth is that iTunes has kind of put a damper on my album loving because it's so easy to buy just a song or two. But with this album, iTunes helped out by recommending it, and I took a crazy (crazy-for-middle-aged-lady crazy) leap and purchased the whole damn album and loved it. The album is one of those I can listen to while I am online, sewing, walking, doing dishes, whatever. It rocks. It rocks softly, but it rocks.
To continue with catch-up, Gwen Bell asks what the best place of 2009 was. This isn't particular to this year. My bedroom has always been my favorite location, regardless of age or living situations. I love that I don't have to buy an overpriced ticket to the Bahamas to get away. My cozy bed and a closed door handles all that for me. As a kid, I would escape from the world by crossing into my bedroom, which held any universe, any world I felt apt for the moment. My bedroom could be a castle, Xanadu, a dance floor, or a pool complete with friendly dolphins. As I got older, my room usually transformed into a place of music - a concert hall, a recording studio. I had these killer headphones that I would turn on way too loud, which is probably why this middle-aged lady doesn't hear too well out of one ear. (All the better to ignore you with, my dear.)

If I HAD to pick a favorite place particular to this year, it would be Mill's Park because I spent countless hours there with my kids, often riding the little train, which is my favorite summer activity.

So there! Two past challenges down. Now, what else can I do to avoid the cushion?

Best of 2009: Startup, Moment of Peace, and Challenge

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "What's a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?"

Can't say I can think of anything. Not one. I have stores I love. My favorite being County Purr Farm, my local scrapbooking store, where I have spent hours with my closest girl friends creating and talking. I also love The Purple Avacado, although I can count on one hand how many times I crossed the purple threshold in 2009. I will always enjoy spending time at my local JoAnne's and the local Mill End even if the past two years have seen a drastic decrease in my time at the sewing machine. There's something about walking down aisles of fabric, creating in my head all sorts of projects - a skirt from purple jersey for me, blue and white PJs for my son, a lady bug dress for my daughter. I get to sew even if the products never materialize. As weird as it may seem, I love my neighborhood Walgreen's - I print my beloved photos there, and you can get great college-ruled, purse-sized notebooks for a dollar! I still love New York and Company for clothes that actually fit me and Gap Body for the most comfie undies known to womankind.

None of these count, however, because they are not new to me. So I'm tapping out of this one.

For my catch-up entry, Ms. Bell asks about a moment of peace. This year is a good one for me. I would say I reached a deeper state of concentration than I have before and that I have reached levels of peace more profoundly than I have before, but it seems that writing about them is impossible without making it sound trite and cliche. Let me just say that my three-month focus on practice, my retreats, and Focused and Fearless really helped me progress in my practice.

My best challenge is easy, but what I just wrote had to be deleted because it would not be professional of me to post about it in a public setting. I'll sum it up to say budget cuts suck, and sometimes being the person representing others can be incredibly stressful - knowing that if you blow it, you're blowing it for thirty people, not just yourself, adds to the stress immensely. It was a challenge in managing anger, in leading, in communicating, and in dealing with disagreement. We lost. But I grew a lot in the process.

Best of: Recap and Project

I have been following Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 blog challenge for December. I have covered quite a bit. Before I move on to today's blog, I want to clarify something. The blog on Focused and Fearless basically counts for best book, while its author counts as best new person, and the associated retreat counts as best workshop. For a book I wasn't that thrilled about reading, it made a huge impact on me and my practice.

Today's topic is "project." What did you start this year that you're proud of.
It took some time to ponder this one. For quite some time, I could think of nothing. My projects aren't huge; they are, nevertheless, projects about which I feel some pride. The first is the organization of my crafting space, which I blogged about this summer on my other blog. It's so much easier to work in that environment now, and the space invites creative play.

I did start organizing my files and desk area, but that -- sadly -- never really materialized past the purchased labeler and some nicely labeled files. I need more follow-through there.

The other project that I am feeling pretty good about has to do with the senior project. I am working toward making the project more technologically friendly. The senior project is, after all, supposed to prepare students for the "real world," and truthfully what could better prepare them for this current world than technology? So I took all our forms and made them Adobe forms.

However, the one project I am most anticipating is the new digitial portfolio we're going to be piloting. To prevent as many glitches as possible, I made a template that students will be able to work out of. It's in Word, but you then publish it as a web page so that the links work fluidly. Someone can scroll down, page by page, or click on links from the table of contents and then back again. I'm crossing my fingers that it plays out well and that we don't have tons of judges without portfolios to view for whatever reason. But I think it's worth the effort and time it has taken me.

This weekend . . .

. . . was a blast. I got to attend one of the two single-day retreats by Donald Rothberg. He is one of my favorite teachers because he incorporates interactive activities to the day. While I felt that the second day's topic - Keeping Cool In The Fire: Becoming More Skillful With Inner Or Outer Conflict - was more personally relevant, I was only able to attend the Saturday retreat on Emptiness and Compassion. As it turns out, it was a happy accident, as I found the day enlightening and relevant.

I had previously decided the Buddhist concept of emptiness was beyond me, that okay - if I ever have the opportunity to go deep into practice, that I might get the chance to understand this topic somewhat vaguely.

But alas, Donald made the topic very clear. And this abstract concept is paradoxically kind of simple. He defines emptiness as no self without interdependence, meaning that we as individuals and our experiences do not exist without the myriad of other elements that play into/build upon the "self" and its experiences.

I try to come up with examples, but they fall flat, so let's just leave it at that. I feel very grateful to have had the opportunity to spend the day with such loving, compassionate people and to learn so much in so short a time. Plus, I meditated today for forty minutes, which I never do at home. It was a breeze. The day-longs definitely further my practice.

Meanwhile, DH and I attended a party sans kids, which we haven't done in YEARS. It was a blast hanging out with friends where none of us had to change a diaper, settle a dispute, leave at 7 p.m. for bedtime, or wipe a nose.

Today was productive. The kids spent the night at my MIL's house, which meant I was able to work on Rosalind's costume, clean my car, do laundry, go to lunch DH and meditate all without interruption.

I feel very lucky to have the life I have.

John Travis retreat

I went to a day-long retreat yesterday that was taught by John Travis from Mountain Stream. I loved the retreat and really enjoyed John's teachings. His approach to meditation teaching is a lot less prescriptive. Instead of telling us to use this technique or that technique, he simply said to try to stay present and relax. (He expanded on this, of course.) As a result, even though we meditated for a large part of the day, I never once felt that good-God!-when-will-the-bell-chime? panic I sometimes feel when a meditation has gone beyond what I am accustomed to.

The topic for the day was The Liberation Teachings. The day was mostly meditation, not as much verbal instruction. He'd give us some small tidbits and then have us meditate. Then at the end of the day, he talked for about an hour. By the end of the day, I felt a lot more at peace, a lot happier, and definitely ready to meditate some more.

If you get a chance to attend a John Travis retreat, I highly recommend it. He is a gentle spirit.