I have gained a lot of weight recently. I am not far from my peak weight when I was pregnant the second time around. Not good.

I started working out again out last week - got three days in. I also watched what I ate most days. I lost three pounds in a couple of days and then gained five in the last few, putting me at +2. I've recently experienced a number of awkward pregnancy questions, which spurred me into researching weight gain in women as they age. Turns out that gaining weight, especially in the abdomen, is very typical of someone my age, and it also turns out that losing it is harder as we get older, since women's metabolism slows down 10% for every ten years of age. Plus, as women age, weight loss proves more difficult. Add to that that stress has been proven to be a factor of weight gain, and I have myself a perfect storm.

So now that I know what I'm up against, I can relax and tackle this more methodically. I can't expect to lose weight quickly, and I know that I'm in some ways typical of someone my age. I want to be healthier, and I want to look nicer. It will come with time and with workouts, but I know I cannot expect to be where I was ten years ago, let alone twenty years ago. That actually makes me feel a lot better.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to be more focused, less nibbly at night, and more active overall. We'll see what happens.

Spiritual Laziness, Part II

Now that I am officially done with work for the summer, I have found that my pace is much slower than before. I am spending more time with my children, just being with them as well as "doing" things with them, like going to parks, tea parties, reading, etc. I am enjoying the quiet time with them in the back yard as they play, throwing balls with my son, dress dolls with my daughter.

I am also meditating more. And being present a lot more. Without the constant concern of the items on a to-do list, I can be more present, more mindful, and more spiritual.

The key is going to be to find a way to slow down during the school year so that I can still be the spiritual person I want to be.

I think an important point is to define spiritual, at least in how I see it. To me, being spiritual isn't about mysticism. It's about the tiniest movement I make as I live my life. This moment as I type is an opportunity for spirituality. As I drink my latte, I have the opportunity to be spiritual. Choosing the be fully present with my children is a spiritual choice. Meditating is important, but spirituality is there as a way of life twenty four hours a day.

When I first started studying Buddhism (one short year ago), my first book was Awakening the Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das. He talked a lot about his time in Tibet and about Tibetan monks. For example, in discussing the preservation of life, he explained that during the rainy season some monks will sweep the ground in front of them as they walk to prevent any beings from being stepped on and that some don't venture outside for that very same reason. Reading this, I thought It's easy to live the Dharma when you're a monk living in a cave. Harder when you're a working mother of two. (Listen, I know it sounds petty, but I'm trying to be honest here.) But after some time it occurred to me that there was another way of looking that this. I could think that being a working mother of two children makes it difficult to be spiritual. I could also look at it a different way: that being a working mother of two small children makes it that much more important that I be spiritual.

I practice for me, for sure. But I also practice for my children, my husband, my students, my friends, my family. Being a more spiritual person hopefully makes me better at all the roles I play in life.

Well, I think my thinking has meandered enough. Off to clean the house while I have the place to myself.

Peace, love and happiness to you all.

Spiritual Laziness

I have been too busy lately. I expected that things would slow down at work these last two weeks, but they haven't. We're all busy, I know, so I will not bore you all with the details. Let's just say that I have had long work days (one was 14 hours long), little weekend time, etc. Fitting in time for family, let alone meditation, blogging, working out or sewing, has been difficult.


So what does this have to do with laziness, you ask? In Buddhist teachings, we are taught there are different kinds of laziness. One of these types in busy-ness.


Here is a quote I found from Sogyal Rinpoche's book Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (found on the web page A View on Buddhism web page): "Naturally there are different species of laziness: Eastern and Western. The Eastern style is like the one practised in India. It consists of hanging out all day in the sun, doing nothing, avoiding any kind of work or useful activity, drinking cups of tea, listening to Hindi film music blaring on the radio, and gossiping with friends. Western laziness is quite different. It consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so there is no time at all to confront the real issues. This form of laziness lies in our failure to choose worthwhile applications for our energy."


For me, spirituality doesn't come in the mystical; spirituality is present in the smallest detail of every day life - how I interact with the cashier at the grocery store, my decision to either go watch TV or instead read a book to my child, my tone when I say good morning to my coworker.


Being too busy usually means making decisions in the details of life that do not fit with my spiritual path. If I am rushed to get somewhere, that's when I'll get angry at another drive. When I feel like I have two hours worth of work to do and one hour to do it, that's when I will show irritation when a colleague comes to me for help. When I feel tired because I've worked a 14 hour day, that's when I'll decide to not meditate and turn a movie on for my kids.


Living a life that is compassionate requires hard work and attention, but it also requires a commitment to not over-committing myself. This is especially an issue at work. I know that ultimately I am responsible for how busy I am. And I know that my busy-ness is what detracts from my spiritual path.


I am looking forward to the summer when I will still have an active life, but at the same time will have time to refocus myself on my priorities and decide where I can streamline my life next school year so that I am not over committed.