A School Year Reflection

The school year has ended, and its closure has prompted me to reflect on the year. Without a doubt, this school year has been the most unusual year I have had.

While the year was great for me personally with the Nevada State Teacher of the Year award and the easiest and friendliest group of students I could ask for, there was a lot of sadness around me. Two different nineteen year-old men died. In my classes were each of their best friends and one of the boy's girlfriend. A colleague's boyfriend died, and one of my student's mother died on her daughter's eighteenth birthday. And of course, Steven and Keegan died in the spring. In all of my years teaching, I have never experienced this kind of grief around me. Watching my students suffer through their grief and guilt was incredibly difficult. There were many moments when I didn't know what to do or say.

There were far too many days when I wished I could have carried someone's grief, if even for a few minutes, to offer him a reprieve from his hurt, but alas, the world doesn't work that way. So while I packed my bags and headed off to Dallas to meet my STOY classmates and later to D.C. to meet the president, those around me were simply trying to get through the day.

The whole experience has reminded me how lucky I am to have those I love around me. The truth of the matter is that we are all going to die, and at any moment I could lose a parent, a friend or even one of my children. Life is fragile. All the more reason to take a moment to have lunch with my mom, to play trains with my son, to color with my daughter, to apologize to a friend, to listen quietly to a student telling me about her last conversation with her friend.

People matter, and they leave us or we leave them. What does that mean to you?

Signs of Spring

*sigh*

I think there are many who would agree with me that spring is overdue, so I thought I would share a few signs of spring today to balance out the furthered sombre mood after the sad news again today. This school year has brought a great amount of grief to those around me, and as spring appears, I can't help but be reminded of the ever-changing vicissitudes of life. Let us all remember that life is fragile and to appreciate the present moment.

Black Widow Mama

Today I was watering with the hose. When I went to turn off the water, I saw a large black widow right underneath the faucet. I knew a spider had been living there. Because the web hadn't looked like a black widow's, I hadn't thought much of it until I saw her. She was large and that kind of beautiful that only a black widow can be. My children, however, play right there and often want to turn the water on and off. I couldn't risk them being bitten. Having a brother who was bitten by a black widow only makes me more nervous around them. DH was called into duty.

As he was getting the bug spray, the black widow wrapped her long, slender front legs around the egg sack I hadn't seen and pulled it into hiding.

It occurred to me how much she and I had in common. Both of us wanted nothing more than to protect our offspring.

Her last act has replayed itself into my head over and over. I feel terrible that we killed her. Doing so was definitely not living in harmony with the world around us. And to her, I'm sure I was the black widow.