As I Age . . .

I am rounding out my 40th year. I know for many, this age is disconcerting, but it hasn't been for me. In fact, I have very much enjoyed this year. I guess I see myself kind of like a bottle of really good Cabernet. I improve with age. However, the aging process has caused some reflection on my part.*

As this year comes to a close and the big four-one draws nearer, I have been thinking about how I have changed as I have gotten older.

• I care less about how I look and especially how much I weigh. That might not always be a good thing.
• I care more about what I do with my mind. I don't mean intellectually. I am more mindful not only about my actions but about my thoughts as well.
• I love my hometown more and more every year. I used to mumble if people asked me if I was a Native Nevadan, but not anymore. I feel more tied to my school as well.
• I am happier. For a variety of reasons. One is that I have creative outlets that in my twenties I didn't have (it's amazing what some patterned paper and some ink can do for a girl). Another is that I have more love in my life. I have children and a husband whom I adore and some good, solid friendships.
• Because I am more financially secure, I feel more . . . well . . . secure. I don't have to stress over every Hero Arts stamp I buy or order only appetizers and water when I go out with friends. Money does buy a certain freedom from stress.
• I become increasingly curious about my heritage. I haven't started digging through the books of the Mormon church yet (yes, my maternal grandmother was raised Mormon), but I am asking more questions about my family and wanting to write down the stories I do remember, such as my great uncle having to tie his horse every morning at school or my Grandma Laird's memory of walking home and seeing a fire in the distance, only to discover that it was her own house on fire and that her mother was dead.
• My requirements for a car have changed drastically. I now want **gasp** a minivan. Yes, a soul-killing, mojo-depleting minivan. But it will mean I can fit my kids and their friends in it. I can't even fit three booster seats in the back of my car. And I would do anything for a GPS device (though that's not a sign of me changing - I have always been directionally impaired. I still get lost right here in the town I grew up in. Just this Saturday I got lost taking my son to a birthday party).
• I care less about what people think of me, though I am not going to lie - there are still days I am that sixteen-year-old girl feeling the need to please others. Still, the desire to please diminishes every year, and oddly, the more that happens, the kinder I become. And I do things others think I shouldn't, like talk about the "shit fields" with my students or let them use their phones to send me messages via Poll Everywhere's web site during class. If it works educationally, I am doing it.

This makes me wonder, how have you changed as you've aged?

Me in 2004 with the hubby and the first-born.

Me in 2011 with the teachers from Oklahoma and Hawaii.

*What am I saying? EVERYTHING causes reflection on my part. I live my life in reflection mode. But that's a beside the point.

Dentist, Part Deux

So turns out that $2200 implant I paid for does not include the $1200 crown. Yup. I paid $2200 for a pieceof titanium to sit in my bone, but have to pay another thousand to actually make use of that tiny piece of titanium. I'm sure the info is on the dental plan they showed me - I do not believe the front office staff tricked me - but I do believe it could have been clearer. And here's the kicker - I had two implants done - the second of which will cost $2000 to crown.

So my quick trip to the dentist for a follow-up on an infection I am fighting turned into a very stressful event when the dentist suggested we go ahead and make the mold for the crown. One thing I have to say about the dentist is that my visits are often excellent sources of inspiration at the gym. I get to work off my frustrations there, which helps me in more ways than one.

I know this all provides ample fruit for my practice, but I gotta say that I'm just not feeling it. I am frustrated, nervous, and anything but mindful. This is why I know I need to give it all some space. I left the office today without making any decisions. Hopefully, I will be prepared to deal with this mindfully in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm gonna be making lots of trips to Starbucks to partake in my drug of choice.

On a happier note, I realized today how lucky I am to have a job I love. The bell rang for first period, and a sense of relief washed over me. At that moment, I realized that I look forward to being in the classroom with my students. Outside of cuddling with my kids or watching them play happily together, I am happiest when I am teaching.

Low Impact, Round IV

I'm doing another low-impact consumption month. I am going about it a little differently this time. Instead of just making it about environmental issues, I am trying to incorporate awareness of clinging and finances. In the past, I didn't buy anything (or avoided buying anything) that meant more trash in our landfills. This meant I could buy electronic items, such as songs on iTunes and digital scrapbooking items from Two Peas.

My goal this time is to let go of the rush, no matter how small, that comes with acquiring something. If I'm buying an Adobe action or fonts for a digi page, I'm still getting the same rush I get when I buy brads and stickers from Michael's.

I also need to pay more attention to my spending. I'm not someone who goes out an buys a nice, new car or a new couch. I whittle money away. I buy three yards of fabric here and scrapbooking paper there and pants for my son here and a hat for my daughter there. It adds up.

What I want is to be more careful about differentiating between "need" and "want." At least being aware of the two differences may be helpful.

Here's the other issue that has recently come to my attention: I have A LOT of crafting items - paper, ribbon, fabric, patterns, etc. I just emptied my craft area of six bags of stuff to give away and two trash bags of garbage. Although things are cleaner and more organized, there is still way too much stuff. Since Sawyer was born, I have sewn very little - an outfit for my daughter and a few small items, like napkins. This hasn't stopped my purchasing of fabric and patterns, however. So I'm sure you can imagine how things start to pile up.

One possible glitch is that my sister-in-law is coming out here for a week with her three kids. We haven't seen them in five years; in fact, I've never met the two youngest. It may very well mean some fast food jaunts and what-not, but I'm willing to postpone the project if necessary. She's definitely worth it.