Random List of Things That Make Me Happy

1. The softness of a new sweatshirt
2. Reading with my kids
3. Enjoying Roz's sense of humor
4. Baked potatoes with real butter and sour cream
5. Students saying they like the book we're reading in class
6. A child's excitement for Halloween
7. A good cup of coffee
8. Dharma talks with friends
9. Students excited about their senior projects
10. Eskimo kisses

A Few Deep Breaths

I read an email today from someone who had judged senior projects in which she lamented the quality of grammar in students' portfolios and asked if we are really graduating students who "who cannot reliably write grammatical sentences." 

Now, first of all, I feel compelled to say that I am open to hearing what people have to say about what they see in our seniors' work, and at that same time, I expect that it be balanced and not solely criticism. We know we have areas to work on; we also know there are a lot of strengths to what our students produce. I say that because I don't want people to feel they can't dialogue openly with me.

But with that having been said, I am going to drop her comment, even though I have a lot I could say. But as my day is winding down, I am not pleased the I am focusing my energies on such a short - albeit negative - moment of an otherwise wonderful day. So for that reason, I am going to end my day with a list of ten things that made me happy today:

1. I was able to give blood today. This made me happy because my iron is often one silly little point below the cutoff. It also made me happy because, as a baby blood donor, I get treated like a very special person when I walk through the doors of United Blood Services. Case in point: today I was told today I was "a very special person." Who wouldn't love that?
2. While donating blood, I had fifteen lovely minutes of quiet time to myself.
3. At The Salvation Army store, I found three - count them THREE, pair of pants for my son. As a boy who loves to play with trains, he wears out the knees of all his pants, so much so that patching doesn't do any good. So I am always looking for pants that will fit him for a reasonable price.
4. My students made me laugh today - a lot.
5. My students wrote very sweet things in their letters to next year's seniors.
6. After they took a shower, I got to sit with my kids for over a half an hour reading an Ivy and Bean book. This especially pleased me because Ivy and Bean are chapter books for girls, but my son was still happy to sit quietly in my lap and listen to the story about two girls getting themselves trapped in a crawl space.
7. The Senior Project Committee chose the recipients of our senior project awards. Some very deserving -- and probably unsuspecting students -- will be receiving these awards next week.
8. We had a nice family dinner tonight. It's simple. We do it every night with a few exceptions, but I feel lucky to have my two kids and my husband at my dinner table with me every night.
9. My kids cleared the table, took out the recycling, and cleaned up the living room. 'Nuff said.
10. In a few moments, I will be reading another chapter from Tina Fey's book Bossypants. This book isn't for everyone. You have to like her sense of humor. If you do, this book will make you laugh out loud - literally.

So, yeah. I guess I have become a little bit of a Pollyanna lately, as someone mentioned the other day. But as I am learning to let things go, I am increasing my capacity for happiness and making life better for those around me.

Cheers to the little things like a blood donation appointment and a chapter book!

A Moment in Time

This is not the image I see from where I sit. I am in bed with my daughter sleeping, head nuzzled up against me. My alarm clock is set, and the time reads 9:21. From where I sit, I see a cluttered dresser, a made bed, last week's issue of Newsweek with Academy Award nominees on the cover, all dressed in black. At this moment I am happy.

Dentist, Part Deux

So turns out that $2200 implant I paid for does not include the $1200 crown. Yup. I paid $2200 for a pieceof titanium to sit in my bone, but have to pay another thousand to actually make use of that tiny piece of titanium. I'm sure the info is on the dental plan they showed me - I do not believe the front office staff tricked me - but I do believe it could have been clearer. And here's the kicker - I had two implants done - the second of which will cost $2000 to crown.

So my quick trip to the dentist for a follow-up on an infection I am fighting turned into a very stressful event when the dentist suggested we go ahead and make the mold for the crown. One thing I have to say about the dentist is that my visits are often excellent sources of inspiration at the gym. I get to work off my frustrations there, which helps me in more ways than one.

I know this all provides ample fruit for my practice, but I gotta say that I'm just not feeling it. I am frustrated, nervous, and anything but mindful. This is why I know I need to give it all some space. I left the office today without making any decisions. Hopefully, I will be prepared to deal with this mindfully in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm gonna be making lots of trips to Starbucks to partake in my drug of choice.

On a happier note, I realized today how lucky I am to have a job I love. The bell rang for first period, and a sense of relief washed over me. At that moment, I realized that I look forward to being in the classroom with my students. Outside of cuddling with my kids or watching them play happily together, I am happiest when I am teaching.

Smile!

This last week has been rough, so I've been avoiding blogging at the risk of sounding whiney. I am still reading and thoroughly enjoying The Happiness Project. Gretchen Rubin is inspiring in her self-reflection and her structured method to acheiving happiness. I respond to that kind of thing. I do wonder how she can sometimes state facts and studies without actually citing them, but there must be something I am missing. Oh, and if you're looking for a good gym-read, this is it. It's engaging while also being a very light and easy read.

Meanwhile, I am still not shopping, still turning off lights, still encouraging my daughter and my students to recycle and whatnot. I am surprised at how easy this month has progressed in terms of me not shopping. I am liking the quieter weekends sans Old Navy, Target, and Famous Footwear. Things seem slower around here when we're not spending three hours of a perfectly good weekend day shopping for socks for one kid, a sweater for the other, nylons for me, and . . . well, we don't spend a lot of time shopping for Jason. He doesn't want much, and when he does want something, it's usually fast because he runs into Best Buy knowing exactly what game or headphone set he wants.

I am excited that I have a plan for the first charity project of the year for DD and me. We are going to work at The Educator's Closet hanging and organizing clothes. The Educator's Closet serves two functions: They take old office supplies and house them for educators to use, and they also organize clothing drives, coat drives, etc. for local families in need. I think this is a great starting project for the two of us. We'll be doing one a month for 2010.

And for my enviro sharing for the day: Did you know that "[r]ecycling 1 ton of plastic saves 7.4 cubic yards of landfill space?" 'Tis true, according to Earth 911.

***

I have a lot to smile about - kisses from my kids, the smell of herbs on my hands, and the approaching three-day weekend. What's making you smile these days?

Learning Exp

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?"
I have learned a lot about happiness this year, about moving on and letting go, about handling anger, about coaching the mind to be happy even when all you're doing is sitting on a cushion.

One concept stands out, however. I discovered the concept of neural plasticity. It's a scientific concept that has far reaching implications in everyday lives. I have blogged about it before, but it's the idea that although the physical structure and makeup of the brain affect our thoughts, as it turns out, our thoughts can affect the physical structure and makeup of the brain.

Now, you might be thinking that this is a concept, not a real lesson, but it was the Rick Hanson retreat where I learned the applicable lesson. Hanson had us meditate on something that made us happy and to focus on that happiness. The effect was euphoria. Really. True euphoria. It didn't last long for me, but at that moment, it was like a new world cracked open to me and new possibilities were born.

At that moment, it became very clear to me just how powerful the idea of neural plasticity can be.

If there was one thing I would shout from the tops of buildings, it would be, "People! You do not have to be a victim to your biological makeup . . . well, neurologically speaking, anyway." Ok. Maybe the tops of buildings isn't the most effective form of relaying this message, but I want every American to be exposed to this concept. We are a culture of anitdepressants. I have no qualms with people taking antidepressants. This is more about a cultural pattern than an individual struggling with depression. But we need to know that there are things we can do to affect the way our brains function. Powerfully affect the way our brains function. And if we keep at it, momentum comes into play, and that positive force forms more positive energy.

Although I have experienced some very stressful situations this year, I have been happier than I have ever been for many reasons, but largely because I opened myself up to the possibility of true happiness and the idea of myself being that true source of happiness.

It rocked my world.

I feel one other lesson must be addressed. Last spring, when *things* were happening at work and I was experiencing a great deal of anger, I listened to one of Gil Fronsdal's podcasts on anger. Fronsdale works at both the San Francisco Zen Center and Spirit Rock Meditation Center.  I don't remember if it was from Audio Dharma or Zencast, but I do remember him saying that paradoxically, the best time to work with anger is when you're not angry. So that is what I did. Once the situation dissipated, I spent three months working with anger - paying attention to it, looking into its causes, and practicing with skillful methods of dealing with it. I still have work to do, but I grew a lot during that three months.

So thank you to Rick Hanson, Gil Fronsdal, and the Buddha for these lessons, which will undoubtedly resonate in 2010.

Watching them grow isn't always easy

My daughter is getting to be a "big kid." She already has that big kid attitude, the whatever in her voice. But she'll always be my little girl. I have been reflecting lately on her growing up and the things that I so admire or find endearing in her personality right now:

• She is an includer, always making sure people feel part of the group.
• Although she loves princesses, she also likes trains and tools.
• She is still, even at age six, a crazy dresser, and sometimes I want to scream You can't leave the house in THAT at her. Nevertheless, I bite my tongue and let her walk proudly out the door in her purple dress, red leggings, and rainbow socks.
• She is incredibly creative and can develop plot lines more intriguing that those in most children's movies.
• She can read better than some high school kids, no kidding. I knew she'd be a good reader, but holy cow, the girl can read some challenging material!
• She won't clean her room, but she will line up every toy in the bathroom, meticulously fold all the towels, strategically place the soap dispenser in the most particular way, and even line up the toilet paper rolls better than most OCD adults I know. Meanwhile, her room is literally dangerous to walk into.
• She has a better understanding of pitch than do I and is proving very successful on the piano.
• She draws lovely pictures of all sorts of things, but especially of people she loves.

Let us not forget to show our appreciation for those we love.

Lucky Me

It occurred to me today how lucky I am to have the job I have. I get to work with young people who are full of energy, compassion, and a desire to succeed. While I find my work frustrating at times, it is largely rewarding and inspiring.

Today I witnessed students struggling to understand a complicated topic (misused/misplaced modifiers). While they found it confusing, they barreled through it without complaint. I was without a doubt proud of their work ethics.

This weekend . . .

. . . was a blast. I got to attend one of the two single-day retreats by Donald Rothberg. He is one of my favorite teachers because he incorporates interactive activities to the day. While I felt that the second day's topic - Keeping Cool In The Fire: Becoming More Skillful With Inner Or Outer Conflict - was more personally relevant, I was only able to attend the Saturday retreat on Emptiness and Compassion. As it turns out, it was a happy accident, as I found the day enlightening and relevant.

I had previously decided the Buddhist concept of emptiness was beyond me, that okay - if I ever have the opportunity to go deep into practice, that I might get the chance to understand this topic somewhat vaguely.

But alas, Donald made the topic very clear. And this abstract concept is paradoxically kind of simple. He defines emptiness as no self without interdependence, meaning that we as individuals and our experiences do not exist without the myriad of other elements that play into/build upon the "self" and its experiences.

I try to come up with examples, but they fall flat, so let's just leave it at that. I feel very grateful to have had the opportunity to spend the day with such loving, compassionate people and to learn so much in so short a time. Plus, I meditated today for forty minutes, which I never do at home. It was a breeze. The day-longs definitely further my practice.

Meanwhile, DH and I attended a party sans kids, which we haven't done in YEARS. It was a blast hanging out with friends where none of us had to change a diaper, settle a dispute, leave at 7 p.m. for bedtime, or wipe a nose.

Today was productive. The kids spent the night at my MIL's house, which meant I was able to work on Rosalind's costume, clean my car, do laundry, go to lunch DH and meditate all without interruption.

I feel very lucky to have the life I have.

More on Happiness

One other comment about happiness that stood out from the Rick Hanson retreat is his comment that people learn better when they're happy because dopamine encourages synaptic development. As a teacher, I clicked into this concept. It is a good reminder to find enjoyable ways for my students to learn.

That's all for this cold, wet kind of day.

Happiness, Meditation and the Brain

Disclaimer: In this blog post I cover some very complicated issues presented at a retreat. I hope that I come close to the target as I try to explain them. I am not a neural scientist and do not fully understand the concepts I relay, but I have done my best is formulating my understanding of them.

When I went shopping for a faith a couple years back, the NPR Science Friday episode that covered the Dalai Lama and scientists studying happiness caught my attention. The show documented a connection between Buddhist practice and happiness. I couldn't have been more intrigued, so I started looking into Buddhism and eventually decided to dive in and start my practice.

Part of my practice is attending our sangha's day-long retreats. The recent Rick Hanson retreat covered meditation and the brain. Part of that talk included a discussion on happiness.

Hanson talked about synaptic patterns and how they form. He explained that "those that fire together wire together," meaning that when a person has repeated thought patterns, synapses fire; those firings form a connection, thereby forming a neural pattern. For example, a person who is ruminating about an argument she had with her partner is solidifying that negative pattern through her rumination. Then she sees her partner, and those negative synapses are triggered, and a negative attitude toward her partner is stimulated.

One of the more intriguing elements of this is that negative thought processes "wire together" much more quickly than do positive thought processes. Hanson pointed out to us that this serves a biological, evolutionary purpose. A primate living in the wild must pay more attention to those things that could kill her than those things that bring her pleasure. It's a matter of survival.

Hanson's point in discussing this is that we need to consciously focus more on the positive thoughts to encourage our brains to think positively. Because negative patterns formulate more quickly and more easily than do positive, we must work harder at developing the positive. Meditation, specifically metta meditation, does this. When a meditator sits and focuses on loving, kind feelings associated with others, even toward a person with whom she has difficulties, she is solidifying that positive synaptic association. The result is a happier and kinder person.

As part of our practice that day, Hanson lead us through a guided meditation using the following steps:

1. Setting intention
2. Relaxing the body
3. Focusing on feelings of safety
4. Evoking positive emotions
5. Absorbing the benefits

Step four had a profound effect on me - during this step I felt euphoric. The process is to focus on all the things in your life that make you happy. Doing so after having done steps one through three - for me - resulted in intense happiness and a very quiet mind. While going through my list of things that make me happy (my children, my marriage, my job, my sangha, my dogs, my friends, etc.), I started listing things that I would normally consider a negative. I was moved by this connection - that I could learn to deeply love the problems and the people that bring me strife.

One of the things I so dearly love is science, particularly medical science. I love to read about new discoveries in science. At this retreat Hanson illustrated just how far the field of neural science has come when he said that in the last twenty years we have doubled our understanding of the brain and that scientists expect that to double again in the next twenty years.

The biggest discovery has been our understanding of the relationship between the brain and the mind: no longer do scientists believe that the brain only affects the mind, but they now also believe that the mind affects the brain, as illustrated in the "those that fire together wire together" concept I mentioned above.

That is huge. Everyone should know this.

Yes, hormonal imbalances can affect mood, but we also now know that thought patterns can affect biological functions that happen in the brain, thereby either encouraging or discouraging happiness.

This is good news: We have some control over happiness.