So Glad I Have My Job

I laughed more today than I usually laugh at a stand-up comedy routine. I love my job.

Two best lines from today:
Me: Who are these people? (Pointing to a picture.)
Student: They're PILGRIMS, Mrs. Macy. That's why you're an English teacher.

Student to another student: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's violates all public speaking codes of conduct to HIT an audience member.

Anyway, I promised myself that I would share my ideas about reducing, reusing, and recycling this month, and I'm feeling like a nag. Since I've already hit 92% on my resolutions, according to my chart on the Happiness Toolbox, I'm not going to push it as much.

Meanwhile, I am thinking loving thoughts for all those people out there suffering from depression. I encountered one today, and I will spend my weekend worrying about this person.

Ethical Shopping

On top of trying to shop in an environmentally friendly manner, I am also trying to shop in a more human friendly manner. For me, this means shopping for fair trade products or products that are made in the U.S. and therefore under strong labor laws.

Well, I haven't been shopping at all, but I have been browsing online, trying to find stores that sell fair trade products. It isn't as easy I expected. I mean, I could buy this or these, but neither suit my style.

But I finally found a store that has what they call "organic, eco-friendly, and fair trade fashion" all for a relatively reasonable price, especially when you shop the sales. Where can you enjoy "organic, eco-friendly, and fair trade fashion," you ask? It's called Fair Indigo. Check it out.

Acquisition Versus Living

I have been reading a lot about consumption patterns, simplifying, and intentions. Recently, I stumbled upon the following quote from Zen Habits:

How to Want Very Little: "What you need to do is learn to get lost in activities rather than acquisition. Instead of being strung along by the latest gizmo, learn to transplant that process into an outlet such as writing, music or drawing. Focus on doing interesting things rather than buying interesting things."

It is true that most Americans easily get lost in acquisition. I see it in my own family on a regular basis. It isn't that we even want the item so much as we want the high we get when we acquire something new. You can read about this in the book Hooked!: Buddhist Writing on Greed, Desire and the Urge to Consume.

In the communities surrounding both of my hobbies, stashing is encouraged. "Stashing," it should be noted, is nothing but a euphemism for hoarding. In the sewing world, we encourage one another to stash (hoard) fabric; in the paper crafting world, we encourage one another to stash (hoard) paper and embellishments. I found myself spending more time shopping for fabric, patterns, books and crafting items than I was spending time on the actual crafts themselves. Completely ridiculous, really, but it was my pattern. My low-impact months have taught me to spend less time in the crafting stores, more time in my crafting space doing crafts. More time with my kids, less time shopping for them. More time reading less time in Borders.

I know you're probably thinking that I have stated the obvious, but when you mindlessly go about life, you miss the obvious, which is why I think committing to a month of no shopping is a worthy endeavor. It forces mindfulness.

So that is my goal for this low-impact month - to really focus on doing more things I enjoy and less time in stores.

Happy new year!

Don't forget to shop for your favorite child at Once Upon a Child. As one friend said, you don't have to deal with all the twisty things that come with new toys! Plus, the one in Reno is especially cool because an especially cool person owns it. :)

Join Me: Low Impact Month of January

Americans are consumers. Just look at the rhetoric that surrounds the current economic crisis. We have the opportunity to reevalute as a society what our values are and to restructure our economic system so that it is more responsible (environmentally and socially) as well as more sustainable (because let's face it, an ever-increasing cycle of production-and-consumption has to crash at some point). But instead, we're concerned with how much people are spending.

However, we can each make a difference individually by our consumption habits, which is why I am inviting anyone and everyone to join me in a month of responsible consumption for January 2010. This doesn't have to be huge: it's as much about making yourself more aware of your spending as it is about anything concrete. So join me. I'd love the company.

I'm hoping to go big here - or maybe more aptly labeled "go really small" - but that isn't necessary for you. You can make a difference in your consumption patterns and your awareness just by working on one element of you consumption for a month.

You could commit to any or all of the following:

• Not buying anything besides basic groceries



• Bringing your own bag to the grocery store



• Bringing your own reusable cup to your favorite coffee shop



• Recycling more - not just cans and bottles - recycle those items you don't use anymore by taking them to FISH (or other local charities) or joining Freecycle.



• Along those same lines, recycle electronic goods. Computers can go to Computer Corps.



• Carpooling/biking/walking as much as possible



• Buying only shade-grown, fair-trade coffee beans



• Turning off lights when not in a room



• Turning off your computer when it's not in use



• Unplugging electrical items and/or cords when not actually using them



• Buy only used items



• Choose products that are more responsible - less packaging, American made (less energy in shipping with strong labor laws) - or made by conscientious companies as suggested by Responsible Companies.Com



• Not buying fast food



• Using cloth napkins



• Put a stop to your junk mail



• Buy only from eco-friendly co-ops like this one



• Volunteer in a community clean-up activity



• Volunteer for a local organization that promotes environmentally or socially responsible behavior, such as Muscle Powered; a local charity, such as Advocates to End Domestic Violence; or a national organization, such as Grassroots Recycling Network. (I'll talk more about this later, but much of our consumption habits come from shopping being a hobby. Finding other, more meaningful activites to engage us promotes more responsible consumption.)
  


• Buy organic whenever possible



• Eating vegetarian a couple times a week



• Buy from local artisans, especially for gifts



• Get others involved. Kids love projects, so consider getting a child to commit to one of the above with you and make it a fun family project.

Got any other ideas? Let me know about them.

2009 shopping

I am still following Gwenn Bell's Best of 2009 blog prompts. Today's is shopping - where did you spend most of your money? I hate to say it, even though I work very hard to nix the Starbucks habit during my low-impact months, I always end up working my way back to regular Starbucks lattes. It's not a daily habit, but it's pretty darn close.

My coffee addiction doesn't really bother me; however, not only is Starbucks a waste of money, but it's also a garbage-producing machine. Think about all those green and white (or red this time of year) cups that fill our landfills because of people like me.

Still, there's something very comforting about sitting at my desk at work or on the couch while I'm reading to my kids or at my computer desk while holding a nice, hot latte.

I read about this study where they told people they were coming in for a survey. At the elevator entrance, they had a girl standing with a clipboard who took their names and basic demographic information before they were to head upstairs to the actual study. Unbeknownst to the participants, the study was actually taking place there. For half the people, she held a hot drink and would ask them to hold it while she wrote down information. The other half were asked to hold her cold drink. Once upstairs, they were asked what they thought about the person at the elevator - was she friendly, warm, outgoing, etc.? Those who were asked to hold the hot cup were much more like to see her as a friendly, outgoing and caring person than those who held the cold cups thought she was.

That study resonated with me because I really feel more calm and in a weird way kind of safe when I hold a hot cup in my hands. It's as much about the experience as it is about the taste or the caffeine. That's why the travel mugs don't really cut it - because they insulate too well.

Lots of silly rationalization for my sloppy habit. That's what blogging is all about, right?

Jewelry

Our 8th anniversary is approaching, and my husband has suggested that he buy me a piece of jewelry that I pick out. My first thought: "I'd rather get a new iPod." I'm not sure what this says about me, if anything.

I have never been a big jewelry person. I like costume jewelry, you know - the kind that isn't locked up behind glass in department stores. But even the most expensive item in my jewelry box, the wedding ring I have literally outgrown, is only worth a couple hundred dollars.

Right before Rosalind was born, I read King Leopold's Ghost, a book about the Dutch colonization of what we now call Congo. Cutting off a hand was often punishment in the diamond mines. The picture of a Congolese man and his son both missing a hand still haunts me today. It wasn't just their missing hands that bothered me, but also the thought of what the father went through when his son's hand was cut off that disturbed me. Since then, diamonds have not only not appealed to me, but they have also come to represent something sinister to me. Unlike Kanye West who sings in "Diamonds from Sierre Leone" about his attempt to reconcile his desire for "bling" with his desire to do no harm to his African brethren, I don't desire diamonds at all.

This isn't to say that I'm not greedy and that I don't want things. That would be wholly dishonest. I want electronic gadgets, books, crafting supplies, a new bike, clothes, a kid-free vacation, and some salad plates. And a hybrid car, but that will have to wait a couple years.

The question I often consider is whether those kinds of images - of people with missing hands, of dead animals, of destroyed or polluted environments - exist behind the objects I so happily purchase: patterned paper, flip flops, Revlon lip gloss, printer cartridges. If I knew that was the case, would I stop buying these items? Could I know it? Would I choose to know it?

Meanwhile, I have to decide whether to or not I should take my husband up on his offer and avoid the diamond aisle altogether or to suggest a different route, like maybe a love letter. Or a bike. Or a new iPod.

The Laugh's On Me

So much for my plan of avoiding any kind of consumption. Today I realized Sawyer only has three pair of shorts, and one pair is at my mom's. So I broke my own rule, but not completely: I went shopping at the OARC thrift store. (Note to self: Always hit OARC first .They're prices are amazing. I bought a pair of shorts for Sawyer and a coloring book for a total of 35 cents. Huzzah! Similar shorts were 3.50 at Goodwill.)

Later the entire family and I went to Goodwill for some more shopping. I found a pair of shorts for Sawyer, which was the whole point. But I have trouble resisting deals and definitely experienced that clinging feeling. I wanted the salad plates, the tote bag, and the movie (in a medium we don't even own anymore). Even a thrift store brings out my desire to acquire. However, that feeling I get from acquiring only lasts for a short while, promptly leading to more acquiring. It's like an addiction and one that is encouraged every time I turn on the TV, walk into a store, drive past a billboard or listen to the radio.

My one success: I REALLY wanted a latte and not a home-brewed latte. I even got into my car to drive to Starbucks . . . and then got out of the car and walked hangdoggedly back into the house and brewed a mediocre iced latte.

Total non sequitur: I started getting chest pains on the way to Goodwill. I am pretty sure it's heartburn because what I read says that if when you lay down it gets worse, it's probably GI related. It was pretty painful and scary, and no, I did not go to the hospital like I know I should have. But I'm sitting here now and not feeling any pain, so all is well.

Low Impact, Round IV

I'm doing another low-impact consumption month. I am going about it a little differently this time. Instead of just making it about environmental issues, I am trying to incorporate awareness of clinging and finances. In the past, I didn't buy anything (or avoided buying anything) that meant more trash in our landfills. This meant I could buy electronic items, such as songs on iTunes and digital scrapbooking items from Two Peas.

My goal this time is to let go of the rush, no matter how small, that comes with acquiring something. If I'm buying an Adobe action or fonts for a digi page, I'm still getting the same rush I get when I buy brads and stickers from Michael's.

I also need to pay more attention to my spending. I'm not someone who goes out an buys a nice, new car or a new couch. I whittle money away. I buy three yards of fabric here and scrapbooking paper there and pants for my son here and a hat for my daughter there. It adds up.

What I want is to be more careful about differentiating between "need" and "want." At least being aware of the two differences may be helpful.

Here's the other issue that has recently come to my attention: I have A LOT of crafting items - paper, ribbon, fabric, patterns, etc. I just emptied my craft area of six bags of stuff to give away and two trash bags of garbage. Although things are cleaner and more organized, there is still way too much stuff. Since Sawyer was born, I have sewn very little - an outfit for my daughter and a few small items, like napkins. This hasn't stopped my purchasing of fabric and patterns, however. So I'm sure you can imagine how things start to pile up.

One possible glitch is that my sister-in-law is coming out here for a week with her three kids. We haven't seen them in five years; in fact, I've never met the two youngest. It may very well mean some fast food jaunts and what-not, but I'm willing to postpone the project if necessary. She's definitely worth it.

Awakening the Dreamer

A fellow sangha member sent me a link to this organization called Awakening the Dreamer. (You can find it at awakeningthedreamer.org). It so fits well with my plan this month. Here is what they suggest for personal practice:

My Relationship with Earth/Environmental Sustainability

• Identify habits in the way I live that are unsustainable for me or the earth, that I intend to do something about
• Eat less ? _______ and more? _______
• Carpool, bicycle, take public transportation or walk ___ times each week in lieu of driving my own internal combustion vehicle
• Begin to investigate "one-earth" methods of transportation, heating, & refrigeration at home & work
• Purchase only items whose packaging, ingredients and methods of production are sustainable and support life. (Note: This may require research!)
• Spend some aware moments outdoors, in nature every single day
• Plant a tree, a garden
• Clean up a beach, trail, field, path, roadway
• Pay attention to and track the natural cycles of the moon, sun(light), stars, plants and animals

My Relationship with Others/Community/Social Justice

• Regularly initiate conversations about a sustainable, socially just & just human presence on the planet with friends, family, and the world at large
• Go online & investigate 10 "civil society" groups and/or initiatives that intrigue me & join at least one
• Investigate the current topics in my local community with regard to politics & environmental/social issues
• Write/email letters to:
• Buy only what I need (food, medicine) for a specific time period. Invite others to participate.
• Notice the times when society/the culture relates to me primarily as a consumer
• Make a micro loan to a third world entrepreneur and establish an e-mail relationship with him/her on kiva.org.
• Take a workshop on unlearning racism
• Set aside a percentage of my monthly income to support organizations working for social justice
• Open myself; educate myself about privilege/oppression
• Stay connected with participants from the Symposium

My Relationship with Self/Spiritual Fulfillment

• Designate a regular daily spiritual practice - meditation/yoga/prayer/other
• Investigate & watch for examples of interconnectedness everywhere
• Consider & pay attention to dreams, daydreams & visions as possible messages from another dimension of reality. Let the wisdom of Earth speak through me.
• Manage my conversation (internal and external) to be one of possibility and inspiration to myself and others
• Be compassionate & forgiving with myself, even when I don't do everything I think I should
• As a radical act: want less, buy less, use less
• Consciously read, listen to, watch, & engage with things & individuals that empower, uplift and/or have me be a more effective agent for Changing the Dream
• Read one page of something that inspires me each morning or evening
• Explore what is "enough" for me.

These are just a few examples, to get you thinking. Keep in mind these practices are meant to create an opening in our habitual way of going through life. These are guidelines, beacon lights, not sledgehammers. Compassion begins at home. When you notice you have gone to sleep, let go of the self-judgment, awaken, and renew your practice. Find partner(s) to support you in your practice. Have a great time with this!

Much of this I find inspiring. Sometimes it makes me feel like even when I'm committing myself like I am this month, that I am not even coming close to what I should be doing. I guess I'm just one girl trying to change her assumptions and her actions one baby step at a time. I am very much an American girl. Unlike many of my friends, I am very bought into the consumer culture, and it will take a long time for me to reformat my hard drive.

On another note, I did go shopping with my friend today and didn't buy a single thing (except an iced latte in my own to-go cup). Going into the stores knowing I wasn't going to buy really helped, and I didn't feel the urge to buy anything that I normally would have purchased. This just goes to show how important it is to set intentions.

However, I did have an interesting moment of clinging when I was at the check-out counter at Michael's with my friend. Ya' know how they have those impulse shelves by the check-out? Well, I can see why they do that. I suddenly felt the need to buy a set of four Sharpies, a note pad, and some gum. I wanted them. I really wanted them. Especially the Sharpies. How dumb is that?

Adios!

Day 5 of Low Impact

Today is day 5 of my low impact consumption. I'm not feeling well after eating junk food last night - coffee, hot dog, mojito, more coffee, and two pieces of key lime pie. I want some comfort food, specifically a Truckee Steal sandwich from Deli Francesco. But, alas, it's off limits. I haven't really felt tested until today.

It's easy to make excuses for our shopping habits, especially when it comes to food. We all need to eat. I will need eat lunch, and I can even convince myself that I need that Truckee Steal. That's why I like to give myself these challenges. It opens my eyes to what I need and don't need. What I can live without. Even more rewarding is when I find out that I actually enjoy life better when I live without.

I went to the movies the other night. Didn't get popcorn. Instead I brought my own cookies. I felt much better when the night was over than I would have had I eaten buttery popcorn.

Oh yeah, and I'm losing weight!

The picture is included because it's a reminder to me as to why I do this. It's because of my children, my neighbor's children, my friends' children, the world's children. I want to make the world a better place for them, one with less pollution and waste and one where people don't look for happiness on a Walmart shelf.

Low Impact

For the month of July, I have committed to another low-impact consumption month. I am a little uneasy about it, considering that during the summer is harder because I'm off of work and have more time to . . . desire things.

Here are my plans:

• Purchasing of nothing except necessary groceries.
• Making more clothe grocery bags out of fabric from my stash.
• Walking when possible.
• Talking to my daughter about our shopping habits and what it means to the larger community.
• Inviting others to join me.

Here are some exceptions:

• Starbucks is allowed if I bring my own cup and request that they not print a receipt.
• Necessary groceries is a pretty flexible term to include things like ice cream and coffee and coffee cream, which are not essentials, but are groceries.
• I am throwing a 40th birthday party for my best friend that includes a guest list of more than 70 people. I am going to be using disposable dishes for this event.
• I will need to buy a few birthday presents.

The undecideds:

• The last time I did this, allowed myself to buy digital items: songs, digital scrapbooking graphics, etc. I'm not so sure about that this time. Part of why I am doing this is to practice letting go of the process of acquisition. Shopping for digital items is shopping.
• Last time I allowed myself to go to non-take out restaurants. The problem is that I usually end of bringing home food in a large styrofoam container or just leaving food to be tossed. Both are wasteful. Another option is to commit to ordering only what I know I want to eat.

Objectives:

• To establish a pattern of more responsible consumptive patterns.
• To practice letting go of the process of acquisition.
• To give myself more time for the things I love: my family and friends, my hobbies, my Buddhist practice, the Dharma.

Care to join me?

One a different note: I was reminded of the importance of mindfulness when I realized I had over-dosed my son with Tylenol by giving him the dose for Children's Tylenol but with the Infant's Concentrate. Luckily, I realized it before I had given him another dose. The problem with Tylenol, as I learned from Poison Control, is that it's not just the one dose that is the problem; you have to look at how much they've had over a 24 hour period. Two doses would have meant a trip to the ER. More than that may have meant liver failure, even possibly death. This is what happens when your mind isn't clear, and you're being reactive to the stressful environment, rather than in control of yourself.

Meditation

At last week's retreat, the instructor, Donald Rothberg, gave instructions to the newbies on walking meditation. He suggested that we should split our meditations up 50/50 - half sitting and half walking. I really like the walking meditation - somehow I am able to focus better on my foot than my breath. And since I mostly meditate in the evening (when I'm tired), it's helpful because it keeps me from falling asleep. Now the trick for me is to not fall back too much on walking meditation and to still doing sitting meditations.

I think I'm ready for some meditation supplies. I've been meditating for almost a year now and have resisted buying anything for it. But now I feel it's time to try a zafu, the meditation cushion, (or maybe a bench) and maybe even a Buddha statue. Somehow it didn't seem right to run out and buy things for this practice. Now it seems appropriate.

Clinging

So I found myself clinging today. I broke my camera, spilled coffee on it yesterday. On the advice of a friend and a student - both more technologically savvy than yours truly, I let the camera sit over night to see if drying would help. Much to my dismay, my camera is still not working.

I was very sad. I love to take pictures of my students as they come out of their senior project panels. And I LOVE to take ridiculous amounts of pictures of my two babies. Once I realized my camera wasn't working, I noticed the tell-tale signs of clinging: desperately wanting a fix, teary eyes, knotty tummy. I reminded myself of the clinging and the importance of letting go.

But I think I was clinging more to the hope that my DH wouldn't have to hear me tell him for the second time in two years that I had ruined a camera by spilling a liquid on it. I am clinging more to my desire to not have an irritated husband than anything else. Guess I'll just have to trust that he'll still love me.

Now the question remains: do I buy myself another camera or do I go without and miss the beautiful pictures of my children, my friends, my family and my students? It's so easy to justify possession in the name of something more grand. Loosening the grip on the things we believe we deserve in life is not so easy.

Hmm.......

Grasping

Today I did the homework assignment I gave the sangha last week - to choose a time when you are wanting something and to not give in to the grasping, rather to contemplate the feeling of wanting.

We were in Marshall's. DD needed some socks. (Good god! Where do they go?) I grabbed a pair of workout pants and top. A few minutes later, I took them out of the cart and returned them, but when I pulled them out of the cart, I noticed they matched so nicely! I felt a growing urge to throw them back into the cart, but fought against it.

It seems silly, I know. But I learned something. I learned that the feeling of desire to acquire something disappears rather quickly. Before I left the store, I had forgotten about the clothes. At home, I didn't sit and brood over how much I wanted those clothes. It was a good reminder to sit through the process of renunciation, especially with the process of acquisition. I will go so far as to say that most of us, me included, give in to these impulse urges to purchase, when if we try to sit them out, we find they are fleeting moments of desire.

Now, Starbucks' hot chocolates. That's another type of desire that doesn't disintegrate. It lingers until I give in. I'll revisit this thought later - need to consider ways to tackle that desiring process.

Not sure how this will end up working out. I wanted to post the document as a pdf file and realized it wouldn't work. So now I'm trying it as a jpeg file to see if it's readable. My sangha is considering a blog, but we want to be able to post pdf files. This is more of a test than anything, but in case you're interested, it is the final version of my hungry ghost outline.

Hungry Ghosts

Here's the outline for my Dharma talk I'll be giving on Monday for the Dharma Zephyr Insight Community. It needs some polishing, but it's a good start, I think. (Sorry for the funky formatting. It didn't transfer well from Word to here.) I'm nervous about doing my first Dharma talk, but I'm looking forward to discussing issues I find so interesting.

Hungry Ghosts: Buddhism and American Consumerism

I. Buddhist teachings relating to consumerism
A. Hungry ghosts – caricature of American culture; the hungry ghost festival
B.Causes of suffering – acquisition does not lead to an end in suffering, the cycle of suffering
C. The ego self – The need to define oneself through one’s acquisitions
D. Interdependence – The interrelationship between one’s actions and all other beings
E. General mindfulness – Americans consume mindlessly; mindfulness teaches awareness of one’s consumption habits
F. The four noble truths -

Problems with consumption
Global
i. Globalization – causes decline in culture and self-esteem of oneself and one’s culture
ii. Environmental concerns
iii. War
iv. Increase of poverty
Societal
i. Priorities
ii. Religion
iii. War
Personal
i. Spiritual neglect
ii. Continuation of suffering
iii. Time
iv. Addiction
1. To acquisition
2. To other addictions

Solutions:
1. Focus on the desire – when we seek an acquisition, it isn’t the item we want; it’s the feeling of satisfaction we get from the acquisition. This is transitory, and focusing on this will help us let go of the desire to consume
2. Engaged Buddhism
3. Small-scale activism
4. “Practicing greater generosity” – Joseph Goldstein: “The practice of generosity can serve as a corrective to addictive consumerism.”

Other relative issues
1. Marketing the Dharma
2. Consumption of knowledge

Just for fun

I love this picture of DS, even though traditionally it doesn't fit anything considered a normal portrait. It captures his go-get-it-ness. He's a blast.

On another note, his language development has been a little slow. The doctor is concerned that he has "lost" some words. Apparently this is one of the first signs of autism. Surprisingly, I am very calm about this. He hasn't been diagnosed at all, but no parent wants to hear that a word. Nevertheless, I feel pretty certain that things will be okay - that he probably isn't autistic and that if he is, we can still be a happy, loving family.

What I'm reading - I am reading two books right now. For work, I am reading Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. I LOVE this book, but don't recommend it for everyone. It isn't a happy read. Ellison deals with the theme of self-identity, which is important to me probably because I'm a high school teacher and see young people dealing with issues of identity every day. I love this book so much that I almost named my son Ellison after the author. (We decided it was too close to Allison.)

The other book I am reading is called Hooked - Buddhist Teachings on Greed, Desire, and the Urge to Consume. This is a collection of essays by Buddhists on comsumption and its consequences. I'm reading it as prep for my Hungry Ghost talk I'm giving next week. I am loving the book, finding it enlightening and entertaining. I really enjoy reading essays, and since cunsumption patterns is a topic I find interesting, I am finding it fascinating.

School has gotten a lot more enjoyable now that I'm done with the research papers. I'm incredibly proud of my students for all their hard work and am glad to come out from beneath the heap of research papers. Now I have a ton of grading for AP, but it isn't nearly as overwhelming.

Hair Cut, Life update

• Took DD to get her first salon haircut last week. It was fun to see her actually sit still for a haircut and fun for me to not have to worry about how I was cutting. I found out that I hadn't been cutting it evenly. Oh, well. She's always cute - with a straight haircut or with a crooked one. Meanwhile, DS liked the "car seat."

• By now, you have probably noticed I haven't been up on the weekly challenge of a blog-a-day. With research papers en masse and DH's sprained ankle, very little has been done around the house or around the computer. No worries. I'm not beating myself up. I'll take March off and be back on the schedule next month.

• I get to give my first Dharma talk next week. It will be on Buddhist teachings on consumerism. It's focus will be American society as the hungry ghosts. Once the outline is finished, I'll post it.