Keeping "heart" in my mind: Fitness

One of the things I did to remind of my focus on heart this year was buy a necklace through an Etsy store called LoveSquaredDesign. I love it. I have only had it for a few days, but I already find it keeps me mindful of my intentions to take care of my heart and to live from my heart.

At the heart of "heart" is living compassionately, authentically, and healthfully. I am breaking down my focus into the following categories:

• Body - I want to get healthy and feel strong. Specifically, I am aiming for cardiovascular fitness.
• Family - What better personifies heart than family? I want to get closer to both of my kids and to my parents.
• Spirituality - My practice is at the heart of all I do. I want to reconnect with loving-kindness and wise speech, which is what drew me to Buddhism to begin with. 
• Emotional well-being - I hope to become happier by working out and living more authentically to who I am. 
• Work - I intend to consider the elements of wise speech when I interact with others at work: truthfulness, helpfulness, timeliness, and compassion. While it may take some time and soul-searching, I need to decide on the direction of my career. I feel lost at the moment and toying with the idea of heading back to the classroom at the end of this three-year position.
• Creatively - I spent last year taking a year-long course exploring different styles and techniques. This year, I want to develop my own style and spend less time on social media admiring others'.

That's the tentative plan. I plan to blog regularly as another method of intention-setting and intention-keeping.

Cheers!

My 2014 Word for the Year

For the last couple of years, I chose a word for the year. It's similar to a resolution, but instead of choosing a goal, the word becomes the focus. It has proven to work for me far better than a resolution because what I choose is tied into my values and related to where I am at that time in my life. In 2012, I chose simplify. For 2013, my word was family. This year, to make it stick, I decided to participate in Ali Edwards class, One Little Word. I am loving the structure her class offers so far in terms of providing a method for reflection and intention-setting.

This year, my word didn't come to me as clearly as it had in the past. I searched, chose, revised, pondered, revised, and finally settled on heart.

I lost my footing a lot this year. I lost my connection to my Buddhist practice, and my brother passed away. Watching him die was a humbling experience. It both broke my heart and inspired me to live life differently, more intentionally.

Heart spoke to me for a number of reasons. Mostly, I liked it because it encompassed many of the other words that were floating in my head.

One of the words I first considered was bold. Bold spoke to me because I learned about how boldy my brother lived his life: he worked, rode horses, painted, flew as a flight instructor, hunted, competed in trap shooting competitions, and coached others trap shooting. These are only a few of the things he delved into with a passion. His bold passion for life inspires me. I learned that whenever he fired someone, he wore a red shirt with a black tie. This might seem cold, but I loved learning that about him. It spoke to his boldness and his sense of humor


Bold also spoke to me because I decided this year that I have to have faith in my viewpoint. Working in a new position very different from classroom teaching, I found myself a number of times having an opinion I didn't assert because I didn't trust my own instincts and knowledge. I thought that others knew better. More than once I learned that my instincts were right and that I let myself and my colleagues down by not having the courage - not being bold enough - to assert myself.

However, bold was not the only word I considered: I also considered health. After my brother passed away, I came across a research study that showed that adults who have a sibling die are much more likely to experience a heart attack within the next five years. I committed to improving my health. I. Will. Not. Be. A. Statistic.

Authentic was another word that grabbed my attention. I want to be me, to not fear presenting myself authentically to the world. Authenticity is something I really value, but I often found myself pretending to be something I am not in this current position at work (again because I didn't trust my own judgement). One day, after what I thought was a successful fake-out, a friend spoke to me bluntly: "That was so fake, Cheryl. I could totally tell you didn't buy what you were selling, and neither do I." This shook me a little. I didn't how to respond.  To deny that my "sell" was fake would be to layer on the lies. Two books helped inspire this: Lean In by Sheryl Sandburg about how women don't take enough risks in the workplace and Quiet by Susan Cain about how introverts are better off accepting who they are and not trying to fit into the ideals of our extroverted culture.

Finally, home presented itself. While this last year, I focused on family, I still continue to neglect my home. It's messy and needs some TLC. Plus, it's not a place I often love, and I want to change this.

As I pondered all these words, a friend suggested heart as a word to cover all of my goals. Sometimes I worry that heart is too scattered, but so far, I like how it's playing out. I am already learning to see the word as being about love - love for me, and it fits in with my other intention to reconnect with my passion for the Dharma and my practice, to return my heart practice.

With family being my word of choice last year, I consciously chose to not blog; this year, however, I intend to blog more regularly as a way to stay connected to my heart and to share my progress with those who live within my heart.

To all of you, I wish you happy, healthy, and heart-felt 2014. Cheers!

Us Right Now, September 2012

R is liking fourth grade, though all the cursive practice is frustrating for her. She took a break from piano this summer and just started back up again. As always, she loves any kind of creative play and is especially loving writing essays right now. (Poor kid. The child of two English teachers will never be normal.)

S is in kindergarten and loves it. He can read books by himself now and has worked really hard at learning to read. We routinely praise his efforts these days.

J will resume his master's next summer when he writes his thesis. As usual, he loves his teaching assignment, loves his classes, loves his job. He is truly a master of his trade.

Me? Well I am adjusting to a new position. It's temporary - only a year - at a middle school as a dean. There are certainly some things I love about the job, things I thought I wouldn't like. For example, I like middle school kids. And I like them a lot. They are still kids; they still play at recess. They are still willing to learn about their behavior. I never thought I would like a small school, but I get it now - I already know many students by name, which wouldn't happen at a school with over 2000 students. Because of the size, I can easily identify students who need some extra attention, see them in the halls regularly, and so on.

There are elements that have really challenged me, too. The adjustment hasn't been a simple one, that's for sure. I went from working at a school where I had a lot of friends, where I had a voice in what I did, but also in the direction of the school at large. As a new, temporary employee, my friendships are few and my role and vision are limited. On top of that, my hours are longer than I had expected; consequently, my goal to refocus on my family for this year has had to be readjusted.

Nevertheless, I am really glad I took the position. I get to learn from two different, though talented, administrators, and I get to see a different side of education on a day-to-day basis.

I am also working on getting my life organized again now that my master's is over. There is a lot of neglect around here - lots of weeds, dust, and piles of paper. Someday, I will feel I have conquered and not been conquered.

As a family, we are trying to figure out how to fit other organized activities into our kids' days. Between homework and piano, there doesn't seem to be much time. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. A musical instrument is a daily commitment, and homework for a scattered fourth grader takes hours.

I am glad to be blogging again.

Happy Thursday!

My Hero

There are a small handful of living people I would like to meet: Alice Walker, Arundhati Roy, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Timothy O'Brien. Friday night I had the amazing opportunity to meet Timothy O'Brien, author of one of my favorite books of all time: The Things They Carried, a book about the Vietnam War that I blogged about here. Incline Village read this book for their community read and invited O'Brien to speak at Sierra Nevada College for an evening.

Jason and I, giddy with excitement, arrived hours early. As soon as we arrived, we saw O'Brien from a distance in his trademark outfit of jeans, blazer and baseball cap. We were lucky enough to have him sign a copy of Going After Cacciato before the talk, which meant we got to have a short conversation with him about teaching his books.

The best part of the evening, however, was listening to O'Brien talk about his experiences. As I sit here and type this, I struggle because what I really want is to transport everyone I know back to that evening to hear O'Brien speak. I have written countless paragraphs that I subsequently deleted because I am unable to capture the essence of that evening.

So instead of trying, I will leave you with a quote that has echoed through my weekend: "Bullets and bombs can kill enemies. Yes, that is true. But bullets and bombs can can also manufacture enemies."

Still alive

I know I haven't blogged in a long time. There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is that with an online master's program I sit in front of this darn computer much more than I would like to, so when I am done writing my papers and discussion posts, I log off. My back needs it. My eyes need it. My kids need it. My brain needs it.

Anyway, life is pretty good, though so overwhelmingly over-committed at times that I feel it compressing my chest. I will be so happy when this master's program is over. I saw a card the other day that said, "There's a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not a train." That's how I feel right now.

Anyway, I am blogging a wee bit on my other blog for the Week in the Life project - check it out. I was not sure whether it was wise to do it, but I have been so focused on work, school, and household chores that I was desperate for something I love - photography and scrapbooking. Hence, I am indulging myself.

Cheers! Hope everyone is well.

Continuing with Reverb

I am continuing with my Reverb 2011. I am not trying to "catch up" because I am learning the pleasure of enjoying the process and not obsessing with a finish line. I may not complete another Reverb 2011 post, and that's okay.Then again, I may finish it by the end of the day tomorrow. No goals, no objective, just settling into what happens.

So, on to it.

Prompt #6: What was most difficult about 2011?

Definitely the family illness. My heart is broken. I am sad. That's all I really have to say about it right now.

Prompt #7: What lessons did you learn?

I like this question because I usually write about experiences as they happen; however, the real lesson often waits to reveal itself until the experience is over.

In 2011, I learned I do have a voice about education, not just as a teacher of the year, but as a teacher within my own community and my own school.

I learned that it is okay to experience moments of joy even when others are suffering.

I learned that educators at the national level who are making policy, developing standards, and establishing the tenor of the broader discussions regarding education are often condescending toward educators and completely niave to what actually happens in schools. I also learned that they really don't want to hear what educators, even a roomful of state teachers of the year, have to say about how to improve education. This realiziation was one of the more frustrating parts of this year.

I learned that life is unpredictable and at times fragile and that any one of us could die tomorrow. Intellectually, I always understood this to be true, but understanding it at a deeper level is a different story.

On a more superficial level, I learned how to better operate my SMARTboard, how to create mini books with damaged hardbound novels and jump rings, how to use Poll Anywhere as a teaching device, how to use use a blog reader on my phone, and how to more effectively train a dog.

Prompt #8: When were you proud?

When my son started to read.

When I read my daughter's stories. For an eight-year-old, she is incredibly creative and sophisticated.

When I left space camp.

When my vice principal stood up in front of the staff and lauded our efforts,

When the staff came together to study data and reseach ways to improve our school.

When my husband won the chili cookoff at school.

Prompt #9: Who or what inspired you?

My friends in Dharma Zephyr always inspire me to live more wisely and ethically and to study the Dharma.

My TOY classmates inspired me, as did my husband and Milton Chen, to be a better teacher, to think about creative ways to balance rigor, appropriate curriculum, and engagement strategies.

Every single day, my children and my students inspire me to find ways to be a better person, to be more compassionate.

Prompt #10: How do you fill the void?

What void?

Returning from No-Man's Land

I had to take a break from blogging. Sometimes life hits with you things that color everything you do and every thought you have. This happened to me recently, but because the issue was about the health of a family member whom I am not sure wants readers in blogland to know what's going on, I decided it would be best to stay quiet. I am feeling the desire to return blogging, so here I am.

What better way to return to blogging than with a review of 2011? The last couple years, I have participated in Gwen Bell's Reverb project, but since she has passed along the project to those willing to carry on the legacy, I am now going to jump in on The Mod Chik's Reverb 2011.

The first few weeks of December are always crazy for us: finals, end of the semester, Christmas shopping, Christmas festivities, baking, etc.  So projects like Reverb have to wait until the holiday break starts. I am starting with Day 1 on Day 21, but whatev, as the kids say.

Prompt #1: Describe 2011 in one word.

Contradictory. I have blogged about this before, but while some of the most exciting things happened for me professionally and personally, I witnessed too many people around me suffering. Then in November, bad news hit closer to home. And then again with another family member. While this has been one of the best years of my life, it has also be one of the saddest.

#2: What would you do if you had more time?

Easy - spend more time with my kids, more time meditating, and more time crafting.


#3: What projects did you start?

• Returned to my master's
• A week-in-the-life scrapbook for my family - LOVED it, by the way. I will post on my crafting blog one of these days
• A process toward simplifying
• A December Daily album, inspired by Ali Edwards

At work, I helped the goddess of all things accreditation - our accreditation chair person - roll out the accreditation process. It's nice to support a leader and not necessary lead. It's also challenging for me, someone who is used to always being in the lead position. I have to remember that there is more than one way to accomplish a task.

Mostly, I tried to keep projects to a minimum, which is difficult for me, a project lover.


#4: What projects did you finish? 

• My master's won't be done until August
• I finished the week-in-the-life-album
• Simplifying - since I am not Thoreau, I will probably never reach the ultimate of simplicity, but I am happy with the progress I made.
• The December Daily is still a work in progress

#5: What was the highlight of 2011?

Hands-down - meeting the president.

Well, that's enough blogging for today. It feels good to write something not related to curriculum development and the school improvement process.

Hope December is treating you grandly. I know all of my readers will remember that this is a time to share with those we love and those in need.

Happy holidays.