Latte Momma

Continuing with Reverb

2011-12-22T21:13:00.000-08:00

I am continuing with my Reverb 2011. I am not trying to "catch up" because I am learning the pleasure of enjoying the process and not obsessing with a finish line. I may not complete another Reverb 2011 post, and that's okay.Then again, I may finish it by the end of the day tomorrow. No goals, no objective, just settling into what happens.

So, on to it.

Prompt #6: What was most difficult about 2011?

Definitely the family illness. My heart is broken. I am sad. That's all I really have to say about it right now.

Prompt #7: What lessons did you learn?

I like this question because I usually write about experiences as they happen; however, the real lesson often waits to reveal itself until the experience is over.

In 2011, I learned I do have a voice about education, not just as a teacher of the year, but as a teacher within my own community and my own school.

I learned that it is okay to experience moments of joy even when others are suffering.

I learned that educators at the national level who are making policy, developing standards, and establishing the tenor of the broader discussions regarding education are often condescending toward educators and completely niave to what actually happens in schools. I also learned that they really don't want to hear what educators, even a roomful of state teachers of the year, have to say about how to improve education. This realiziation was one of the more frustrating parts of this year.

I learned that life is unpredictable and at times fragile and that any one of us could die tomorrow. Intellectually, I always understood this to be true, but understanding it at a deeper level is a different story.

On a more superficial level, I learned how to better operate my SMARTboard, how to create mini books with damaged hardbound novels and jump rings, how to use Poll Anywhere as a teaching device, how to use use a blog reader on my phone, and how to more effectively train a dog.

Prompt #8: When were you proud?

When my son started to read.

When I read my daughter's stories. For an eight-year-old, she is incredibly creative and sophisticated.

When I left space camp.

When my vice principal stood up in front of the staff and lauded our efforts,

When the staff came together to study data and reseach ways to improve our school.

When my husband won the chili cookoff at school.

Prompt #9: Who or what inspired you?

My friends in Dharma Zephyr always inspire me to live more wisely and ethically and to study the Dharma.

My TOY classmates inspired me, as did my husband and Milton Chen, to be a better teacher, to think about creative ways to balance rigor, appropriate curriculum, and engagement strategies.

Every single day, my children and my students inspire me to find ways to be a better person, to be more compassionate.

Prompt #10: How do you fill the void?

What void?

Returning from No-Man's Land

2011-12-21T20:30:00.000-08:00

I had to take a break from blogging. Sometimes life hits with you things that color everything you do and every thought you have. This happened to me recently, but because the issue was about the health of a family member whom I am not sure wants readers in blogland to know what's going on, I decided it would be best to stay quiet. I am feeling the desire to return blogging, so here I am.

What better way to return to blogging than with a review of 2011? The last couple years, I have participated in Gwen Bell's Reverb project, but since she has passed along the project to those willing to carry on the legacy, I am now going to jump in on The Mod Chik's Reverb 2011.

The first few weeks of December are always crazy for us: finals, end of the semester, Christmas shopping, Christmas festivities, baking, etc. So projects like Reverb have to wait until the holiday break starts. I am starting with Day 1 on Day 21, but whatev, as the kids say.

Prompt #1: Describe 2011 in one word.

Contradictory. I have blogged about this before, but while some of the most exciting things happened for me professionally and personally, I witnessed too many people around me suffering. Then in November, bad news hit closer to home. And then again with another family member. While this has been one of the best years of my life, it has also be one of the saddest.

#2: What would you do if you had more time?

Easy - spend more time with my kids, more time meditating, and more time crafting.

#3: What projects did you start?

Returned to my master's
A week-in-the-life scrapbook for my family - LOVED it, by the way. I will post on my crafting blog one of these days
A process toward simplifying
A December Daily album, inspired by Ali Edwards

At work, I helped the goddess of all things accreditation - our accreditation chair person - roll out the accreditation process. It's nice to support a leader and not necessary lead. It's also challenging for me, someone who is used to always being in the lead position. I have to remember that there is more than one way to accomplish a task.

Mostly, I tried to keep projects to a minimum, which is difficult for me, a project lover.

#4: What projects did you finish?

My master's won't be done until August
I finished the week-in-the-life-album
Simplifying - since I am not Thoreau, I will probably never reach the ultimate of simplicity, but I am happy with the progress I made.
The December Daily is still a work in progress

#5: What was the highlight of 2011?

Hands-down - meeting the president.

Well, that's enough blogging for today. It feels good to write something not related to curriculum development and the school improvement process.

Hope December is treating you grandly. I know all of my readers will remember that this is a time to share with those we love and those in need.

Happy holidays.

Thankful Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T22:39:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for many things today :

1. Time with my family

2. A day to wear sweats and rest and fight off a cold

3. The general safety of my country

4. The sacrifices of our military service personnel

5. And the sacrifices of their families

6. Living in a free country

7. Cough drops

8. Signs that my son is getting better, not worse

9. 10 hours of sleep last night

10. Home fried potatoes for breakfast

Thankful

2011-11-10T18:47:00.001-08:00

Coming down with you cold, so I'm going to dive right in. I am thankful for:

1. My students' enthusiasm for card making today (and their general good-naturedness)

2. The many men and women of the armed services who do jobs I would never want to do

3. My MIL for picking up my sick boy from day care

4. My son's good spirits despite a seemingly constant cough

5. The promise of sleep

6. Mac-n-cheese

7. Starbucks gift cards

8. My husband for putting dinner on the table almost every single night

9. Three-day weekends

10. Sweat pants

Thankful Crafting

2011-11-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

Today, my students are creating cards to say thank you to our veterans and our service men and women. As I gathered supplies for this project, I got to thinking about all the craftiness that makes me happy and for which I am grateful:

Glitter
Patterened paper
Acrylic paint
Glitter
Cute stamps - especially of bicycles or owls or trees
Glue - because nothing is more fun that cutting and gluing (or so thinks my son)
Glitter
Adhesive-backed rhinestones
Ribbon
Glitter
Embossing powder
My new Cuttlebug
Glitter
My Cricut
Paper flowers - I used to use them on every project

Did I mention glitter? All these things bring energy and fun into my life. Yes, they are just things, but they are FUN things, are they not?

What makes your day glitter?

A Thankful Reminder to Self: You Got It Good

2011-11-08T05:15:00.001-08:00

Lately I have been thinking about responsible shopping, which got me thinking about from where my things originate, which got me thinking about disparities inside the world, which got me thinking about all that I have that mothers in many countries don't. Most of it pertains to the relative certainty of my life. Nothing in life is completely certain, but it is true that my life breeds fewer questions than it might had I been born elsewhere.

For these reasons, I am dedicating today's thank-full post to the questions I don't have to ask:

~ Will we have clean water tomorrow?

~ Will we have food on the table?

~ Will my daughter get to attend school?

~ Will my children have the freedom to choose their faith?

~ Will my daughter never have to engage in prostitution for survival?

~ Will my children work as slaves?

~ Will my husband have to go to war?

~ Will we have access to medical care?

~ Will my children be allowed to participate in their political system?

~ Will they have the freedom to speak their minds?

What questions do you not have to ask?

Grateful Monday

2011-11-07T18:03:00.001-08:00

Today I am grateful for the following:

* My big news: I am going to China!

* Hot mint tea

* Antibiotics for my doggy's ear infection

* A daughter who is feeling better

* My new tote bag for work

* My parents for watching my sick kid

* The promise of sleep tonight without a dog who is up with a sore ear every hour

* Dharma Zephyr

* Central heating

* Roasted pine nuts from my mom

* My school's new vice principal for his tact and diplomacy

Are you thankful?

Thankful Snowy Sunday

2011-11-06T09:46:00.001-08:00

1) A warm bed

2) Finished plans for my boy's birthday party

3) Happy children

4) Breakfast out with the family (a rare occurrence)

5) My iPod and podcasts

6) An extra hour to tackle my to-do list

7) Albuterol for my sick girl's lungs

8) My parents

9) Yummy Cracker Box omelets

10) My husband for splitting an omelet with me

Thankful Birthday

2011-11-05T22:45:00.001-07:00

Another post for Thankful November.

1) A great 41st birthday

2) A productive day

3) A lovely dinner courtesy of my mom: barbecued lamb chops with cranberry sauce and pine nuts; vegetable rice; salad with pears, apples, and blue cheese crumbled on top; my brother's homemade sourdough bread with peach chutney; wine; and spring cake

4) Fun presents: a briefcase, a Cuttlebug with dry embossing cartridges, a journaling book, and a case of various colors of glitter

5) Afternoon naps

6) Afternoon double-tall lattes with an Equal

7) Reading Matilda with Roz

8) The health of my family

9) Playing matchbox cars and stamping with Sawyer

10) Layers of blankets on my bed

Do any of these strike a chord with you?

Thankful Friday

2011-11-04T18:48:00.001-07:00

So many things to be thankful for today:

1. Hope for the possibility that a later school start time might actually happen

2. A great meeting to end my work week

3. A dog that seems fine without the pain meds I forgot to give him this morning

4. A full weekend ahead of me to spend with my family

5. My husband for taking my daughter to the doctor so I could attend my meeting

6. Stimulating conversation with colleagues

7. The cute, glittery and buttony picture of a fish my son made

8. My mother-in-law for watching a sick kid for us today

9. A shopping trip at the scrapbooking store with my girl

10. The Sierra Nevada beer that awaits

Blog Your Heart Challenge and Thankful November

2011-11-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs is Just Me, My Soldier and our 4 Little Chicks written by the sweet, funny and crafty Stephanie Howell. She has put forth a challenge to other bloggers to "blog your heart," a challenge to blog what's honest, what's real, what's in your heart. And me, I am never one to turn away from a blogging challenge, so here goes:

I am tired. A lot. It's not my iron level or my thyroid or my blood sugars. At least I don't think so. It's life and not enough quiet time and lack of sleep and too little play. When I first started attending Dharma Zephyr, I had trouble understanding how people could fall asleep while meditating with the group. Now I fight the nods every single week. It's miserable.
I am buried in paper. At work. On my desk at home. In my craft room. And I hate it. It gives me the shivers. I should put in effort to fix this problem, but I'm tired. (See #1.)
Recently, my uncle passed away, furthering my desire to connect more with my extended family, to reach out to them, but I haven't. (See #1.)
I have slowly started losing touch with the outside world. Two years ago, I read the paper cover to cover daily and Newsweek and Time every week. I followed politics (maybe too much). I was in touch. Not so much anymore. We quit Time, and I haven't even opened the last four issues of Newsweek. And you know what? I don't really care. (See #1.)
I do, however, read crafting blogs and humor blogs and parenting blogs and educational blogs and psychology blogs and dharma blogs. On my phone. Before bed. When I should be sleeping. (See #1.) And I love it.

For this month, I want to focus on that which I feel gratitude for. Here are today's thankful November items:

A patient co-teacher
Watching Sean the Sheep with the whole family tonight
Spending yesterday doing puzzles with Sawyer
My parents and Jason's mom for taking care of Roz after school this week
My own courage to speak face-to-face with a higher up about what has been really bothering me
My higher up for his open-door policy and his ear and his calm demeanor as we disagreed
Photoshop Elements for finally running (even though it promptly crashed - at least it was running)
Spaghetti for dinner two nights in one week!
Time to create a syllabus for my seniors
Roz and Sawyer's pictures that they drew for me and their dad
A new dentist who didn't make me want to bolt out of the office and who understood all the concerns about my previous dentist. (That's a-whole-nother blog post.)

What are you thankful for?

Thankful November: try again

2011-11-02T21:48:00.001-07:00

Sorry about that last post. I can't delete with this app. Anyway, ten things for which I am grateful:

1. The health of my family

2. The warmth of my dog curled up next to me

3. Everything my husband does around the house

4. Dharma Zephyr

5. Holidays

6. Being 40

7. Health insurance

8. Graphjams making me laugh

9. My colleagues

10. Time to read with my kids

Thankful November

2011-11-02T21:41:00.001-07:00

There are many things to be thankful for. Here are ten of mine.

Random List of Things That Make Me Happy

2011-11-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

The softness of a new sweatshirt
Reading with my kids
Enjoying Roz's sense of humor
Baked potatoes with real butter and sour cream
Students saying they like the book we're reading in class
A child's excitement for Halloween
A good cup of coffee
Dharma talks with friends
Students excited about their senior projects
Eskimo kisses

That Girl

2011-10-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, I posted about how I have changed as I have aged. This got me thinking about how I have not changed. Meanwhile, a post at Me, My Soldier and Our Four Little Chicks, inspired me to write this:

I am still that girl who

Feels awkward at parties
Plays the car stereo way too loud
Eats too fast
Loves a good book and a hot drink
Will constantly pan the horizon for bears and mountain lions when hiking
Loves dogs
Is convinced her butt takes up 50% of the space in any given room
Shops too much
Feels complete, uncontrollable rage about how unfair life can be
Talks way too much and too fast and interrupts others
Wakes up terrified in the middle of the night
Walks like an elephant
Cries easily
Loves hugs whenever, from whomever
Wants to fit in
Yet dislikes almost anything mainstream
Would rather hotel it than tent it
Questions herself far too often
Loves to nap, color, and creative playtime
Digs all things funny

As I Age . . .

2011-10-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

I am rounding out my 40th year. I know for many, this age is disconcerting, but it hasn't been for me. In fact, I have very much enjoyed this year. I guess I see myself kind of like a bottle of really good Cabernet. I improve with age. However, the aging process has caused some reflection on my part.*

As this year comes to a close and the big four-one draws nearer, I have been thinking about how I have changed as I have gotten older.

I care less about how I look and especially how much I weigh. That might not always be a good thing.
I care more about what I do with my mind. I don't mean intellectually. I am more mindful not only about my actions but about my thoughts as well.
I love my hometown more and more every year. I used to mumble if people asked me if I was a Native Nevadan, but not anymore. I feel more tied to my school as well.
I am happier. For a variety of reasons. One is that I have creative outlets that in my twenties I didn't have (it's amazing what some patterned paper and some ink can do for a girl). Another is that I have more love in my life. I have children and a husband whom I adore and some good, solid friendships.
Because I am more financially secure, I feel more . . . well . . . secure. I don't have to stress over every Hero Arts stamp I buy or order only appetizers and water when I go out with friends. Money does buy a certain freedom from stress.
I become increasingly curious about my heritage. I haven't started digging through the books of the Mormon church yet (yes, my maternal grandmother was raised Mormon), but I am asking more questions about my family and wanting to write down the stories I do remember, such as my great uncle having to tie his horse every morning at school or my Grandma Laird's memory of walking home and seeing a fire in the distance, only to discover that it was her own house on fire and that her mother was dead.
My requirements for a car have changed drastically. I now want **gasp** a minivan. Yes, a soul-killing, mojo-depleting minivan. But it will mean I can fit my kids and their friends in it. I can't even fit three booster seats in the back of my car. And I would do anything for a GPS device (though that's not a sign of me changing - I have always been directionally impaired. I still get lost right here in the town I grew up in. Just this Saturday I got lost taking my son to a birthday party).
I care less about what people think of me, though I am not going to lie - there are still days I am that sixteen-year-old girl feeling the need to please others. Still, the desire to please diminishes every year, and oddly, the more that happens, the kinder I become. And I do things others think I shouldn't, like talk about the "shit fields" with my students or let them use their phones to send me messages via Poll Everywhere's web site during class. If it works educationally, I am doing it.

This makes me wonder, how have you changed as you've aged?

Me in 2004 with the hubby and the first-born.

Me in 2011 with the teachers from Oklahoma and Hawaii.

*What am I saying? EVERYTHING causes reflection on my part. I live my life in reflection mode. But that's a beside the point.

What If . . .?

2011-10-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering about education lately, wondering what would happen if we gave up clinging to our current methods of doing things.

What if grade levels were based on competency and not age?
What if we allowed students to move ahead grade levels?
What if all students actually read for pleasure?
What if all parents valued education?
What if no parent ever lied to the school to help her child escape a consequence?
What if every parent regularly read to his children?
What if decisions came from teachers, the people on the front lines of teaching, rather than from distant lawmakers or administrators?
What if professional development was differentiated - each teacher researching a subject directly related to his/her teaching assignment?
What if every teacher received training on current brain research?
What if we included mindfulness practices as part of our daily routine?
What if all children got enough sleep and enough to eat?
What if every parent volunteered in his child's school on a regular basis?
What if teachers were valued as respected professionals the way we value doctors and lawyers?
What if the public understood that education was about more than being able to read a driver's license manual or make change from a $20 bill?
What if all teachers made an effort to make learning interesting and cooperative?
What if all students put half the effort into learning that they put into their sports or their video games?

What's your what if?

Ten Things I Learned About Parenting from Doggie Obedience School

2011-10-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

Our puppy Shadow is a proud graduate of puppy kindergarten. (And for the record, if you are in the Carson City area and need a good trainer, I highly recommend Joanna from Fur and Feather Works.) After every Saturday class, one thought that kept coming to mind: I should really work harder at applying dog-training concepts to parenting. Here are some things I learned:

Never repeat your command to your ~~kid~~ dog . If you repeat your command, you tell your ~~kid~~ dog that he doesn't have to listen the first time around.
Yelling and violence are not necessary. Now, for the record, I don't use violence with my kids or dog, but I will be the first to admit that sometimes I get really frustrated and yell. What Joanna taught me is that dogs don't choose the alpha dog based on strength or willpower, but rather from a sense of dignity and respect for one's elders. Respect is earned, not forced.
If you scream in anger for your ~~kid~~ dog to come, you're out of your mind. Why would my ~~kid~~ dog come to me when I am screaming in anger?
Conversely, make the come command fun. If I want my ~~kid~~ dog to come to me, I need to say come here in such an enthusiastic way that the ~~kid~~ dog can expect nothing less than pure joy when he gets to me. Of course, this is training. Eventually, you can request his presence with a stronger tone, but for training purposes, be happy.
Patience is key. You don't teach a ~~kid~~ dog to rollover in a day.
Nothing is permanent. My ~~kid~~ dog may be going through a wake-constantly-in-the-middle-of-the-night stage or a chew-everything-in-sight stage, but it's all a stage. Again, patience is key.
Socialization at a young age is important. If my ~~kid~~ dog doesn't get ~~kid~~ dog time early on, he will have lots of difficulty learning how to play nicely.
When in doubt, throw treats at your ~~kid~~ dog. Okay, out of context, this sounds strange, but my dog has agoraphobia, and I am learning that giving him treats when we are out on a walk will help him associate things that might scare him with things that make him happy, happy, happy.
Wear them out. My ~~kid~~ dog needs to chase a laser pointer light, go on walks, and chase balls. A tired ~~kid~~ dog is a happy ~~kid~~ dog.
Every ~~kid~~ dog needs intellectual stimulation. A tired brain is a happy brain. We play hide-and-go-puppy, as my son calls it. That wears both dog and boy out.

A happy dog.

Our family right now

2011-09-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

Thought I would toss out a family update:

Right now, Jason is back to school teaching all A.P. classes. He works hard at school and then picks up the kids, gets Roz going on homework and piano practice, and cooks dinner. On the weekends, he does the grocery shopping (at Costco, Trader Joe's and then maybe the regular grocery store) and often much of the cleaning. In short, he is working his butt off and functioning as the primary parent. I greatly appreciate everything he does, and at the same time, I hope to step in and do more of it as soon as things settle. He is also brainstorming topics for his master's thesis. As always he makes me laugh constantly.

Right now, Roz is back to school in the third grade. We love her teacher. So far, the GATE program hasn't made much difference, but we are hoping it will provide some enrichment for her. She hates homework with a passion, which concerns us. Hating homework at this age doesn't bode well for the teen years. She does passionately love reading, however. Swim lessons are on hiatus, and we are trying to decide if we will enroll her in art classes or karate. It's tricky - finding that balance between being appropriately stimulated and over-scheduled. Her favorite color has moved from rainbow to turquoise to purple, and she stills puts together some pretty crazy fashions. Often, she will disappear into her room to draw pictures and write stories.

Right now, Sawyer is in preschool and loves it. His teacher tells us repeatedly how sweet and easy he is. He loves to play with the dog and is into superheroes. His moving away from his train obsession makes his daddy happy and his mommy sad. As he always has been, he is a boy of routine. For example, he gets up every morning at 6 a.m., regardless of the day of the week, and immediately gets his fiber bar and eats it. He then plays for a while and then asks for an egg or a bowl of cereal.

Right now, I am heading off to my last CCSSO trip as teacher of the year. I am excited about a trip to New Jersey and New York, and although I am sad to say goodbye to my friends, I am looking forward to being more focused on my homelife and my plan to go on a residential retreat next year. (Yay!) I am no longer teaching A.P. classes and have replaced those classes with remedial English I, including one co-taught section. It's a stretch for me, but it has been a good stretch. I still teacher Senior Rhetoric, which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. My creative outlet lately has been cardmaking, since I can have a finished product in about in fifteen minutes. I am trying to cut back on responsibilities at work.

Right now, Shadow has learned sit, down, stay, off, and leave it. We are working on come, and in case you are a stalker considering breaking into our house, we are training him on eat the nose off that guy. He doesn't jump on the kids as much, and I spend much of my home time trying to find ways to channel his lab energy, especially since walks make him nervous and he doesn't chase balls. We have found some good lab activities, like chase the red laser dot and walk four houses before you panic and try to run home.

That's the family Right Now update. Hope everyone is enjoying the cooler weather.

On the anniversary of September 11

2011-09-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

As I sit down to write my thoughts about this day, I feel paralyzed. It somehow seems frivolous, almost disrespectful, to write about September 11, as if words on a blog cannot quite capture the emotions, the enormity of the event.

Many around me see today as just another day.

Not me.

While I stood there and watched in real time as a plane hit the second tower, I knew that something previously unthinkable had happened, and even though I didn't know exactly what had happened, I knew my world would change. As the day's events unfolded and we watched as victims jumped to their deaths and the towers collapsed and later the mass debris enveloped the city, we all mourned for lost lives and for our country. But the real tragedy of the day unveiled itself later in the week as we heard stories of those who lost their lives or those who lost loved ones.

Therein lies the tragedy of 9-11. Not that our country was attacked, though it was. Not that we no longer felt secure, although we could never be as secure as we thought we were. But rather because people lost their husbands, wives, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, friends, lovers.

While the rest of us on September 12, 2001, returned to work, quiet and thoughtful though that return might have been, we were fortune enough to be able to return to our lives without the heartache of mourning a lost loved one, without having to relive the horror of watching from the streets as the towers collapsed, without the lonely waiting and wondering.

The fact of the matter is that although 9-11 deeply impacted me, what I felt was only a reflection of what those in the midst of the debris must have felt.

It's the individual human suffering that breaks my heart. It is for those who mourned real losses that I believe we should further commemorate this day. Not for those who lost their lives or those of us who lost our sense of ease and naivete. But for those who mourned real losses.

Summer Review

2011-09-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind of a summer we had! It was fun and in some cases exciting, and at the same time, it was also not the restful summer I am used to. I am not starting the school year feeling rested, but it's okay. It was worth it.

Summer was fun because:

We went to Disneyland.
I went to summer camp.
We adopted a new puppy.

It was exhausting because:

I worked too much.
I was gone a lot.
We went to Disneyland.
I went to space camp within a week of Jason going to San Francisco for a conference.
We adopted a new puppy.

I know, blah, blah, blah. busy. blah, blah, blah, work. blah, blah, blah, tired.

The story of my life. Anyway, here are some pictures to illustrate the fun:

Happy new school year, everyone.

Family Update

2011-06-24T22:05:00.000-07:00

Goodness! Sometimes I read my blog and realize it's really heavy and, well, kind of dry. So I thought I would take a lighter approach and give a family update in the spirit of Stacy Julian:

Right now:

Roz has just finished science camp. She loved it, as did I. To name just one activity she participated in while there: She took an old iPod speaker station that she took apart and explored. She seems to be on the verge to learning to swim, which would be great. After all these years of lessons, she might actually swim across the pool. She finds homework boring, so although she misses school, she is glad to have the break from homework. She is also taking a break from piano lessons. This summer should be fun. She and I are loving reading together.

Sawyer is still obsessed with trains, but has branched out to cars, tools, and Spiderman, although trains are still his toy of choice. I don't mind, since I love them too. We love train rides, and with two trains in town we can ride, we have a fun summer ahead. He is also taking swimming lessons. He is starting a new day care/preschool this summer.

Jason is still working on his master's and is gearing up for his dissertation. His papers are really interesting, and I am learning a lot about post modernism by reading them for him. I am impressed with his hard work, passion, and insight.

I am taking a break from my master's and really looking forward to the summer ahead: Disneyland, Space Camp, naps, a few good books, lots of kid time, and some crafting.

Okay, so maybe this blog post is a little dry and a little Christmas-letter-family-bragging, but I wrote it so I am publishing it just like my students who refuse to edit out that paragraph they love but that actually detracts from the thesis.

Happy summer evening to everyone. I love these nights when the air is that perfect Nevada summer evening air - cool but not frigid, fresh and not hazy.

Feeling ADD

2011-06-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

We suspect our daughter might have ADD. Her brain pops around from one thing to another, so much so that she sometimes wanders around the house with one shoe on because something distracted her half way through the dressing process. In fact, right now she is walking around with her PJ shirt on inside out and backward. She reminds me of the dog in Up who gets distracted by squirrels.

And lately I remind myself of her. My goal this year has been to simplify. Part of this process is physical - downsizing the number of possessions in my life. Part of this process is mental - focusing on the things that matter. A lot of that process is task-oriented - decreasing the number of items that find their way onto my to-do list.

This last element - the number of tasks on my to-do list - is challenging for me. I guess I am a bit of a workaholic. I cringe as I write that word workaholic. People often throw this term around with a sort of martyr-like pride. I don't see it that way. Working too much is not a good thing. It's not good for me, my family or my classes. And it's not wise living.

I am lucky in that I work in a field that I find exciting and challenging and fun, but that often means that I find myself immersed in problems I am trying to solve, sometimes even when they don't relate to my own classroom. Because I am buried in way, WAY too many projects at work, they take away from my main priorities in life - my children and my students.

Right now I am reading a book on literacy across the curriculum and taking notes to share with colleagues; I am working on unwrapping the new Common Core standards so that the department can apply them to all levels of English courses; I have been tutoring (for free) a student I have never had in class because he is trying to pass the writing proficiency test; I am meeting with local community members to start creating a broader vision for education in my town; I am reading materials to prepare to assist my colleague as she leads us through the accreditation process; and I am reading Milton Chen's work and brainstorming ways his ideas can apply to what I do. And this is all stuff that I am doing now, in the summer, when school isn't in session.

The result is that I feel like I have ADD. Even without classes to lesson plan for, to teach to, and to grade for, I feel spread too thin with my school-related commitments. Like my daugther, I am running around partially dressed because something has distracted me midway through the process. I am tired, spread too thin, and grouchy.

And these are just my summer work projects. This issue translates very well into my world of crafting and household projects.

A few years ago I read an article called "Saying No So That I Can Say Yes." Her premise was that it is important to say no to things so that you can say yes to the things that matter. Say no to being the PTA secretary so that you can spend more time reading with your child. Say no to that extra committee at work so that you can fit in a workout every day. Say no to a party invitation so that you can say yes to movie night with your children. This should become my mantra - Say No So That You Can Say Yes.

The good thing about blogging is that I can figure things out as the words move from my brain through my fingers and onto this blog. The answer to this problem is that I need to decide what summer work projects are the ones I want to focus my attentions on and erase all others from my to-do list. And I should do the same with the crafting projects and the household projects - choose more wisely where I want to spend my time. Because it's stupid to over-commit.

Wishing you simple living.

Three Books and What I Am Reading

2011-06-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

I was pondering literature lately, and I asked myself the question What are three books every American should read? Yes, I do occasionally interview myself, but rather than seeing it as weird, let's all just see it as part of the English teacher/blogger/scrapbooker that I am.

Maybe if I spent more time contemplating this subject, I would have a different list, but for now here are the three I chose:

Timothy O'Brien's The Things They Carried - Besides being a work of genius, this book contains themes that I think everyone ought to consider, namely that war must not be taken lightly. When we invaded Iraq, I wanted everyone to think about O'Brien's quote: ". . . [I]t seemed to me that when a nation goes to war it must have reasonable confidence in the justice and imperative of its cause. You can't fix your mistakes. Once people are dead, you can't make them undead." But many consider this novel as much about storytelling as about war. In fact, O'Brien himself has said that the theme of the novel is that stories can save our lives. Just remember that none of the stories are meant to be taken literally because, as the narrator explains, "A thing may happen and be a total lie; another thing may not happen and be truer than the truth." Sometimes a fictional element is more truthful than a factual element.
Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible - Simply because Americans should know how much of mess our country sometimes makes of other countries' business and how missionary work abroad is often more grounded in arrogance than kindness.
Shakespeare's Hamlet - Who can't relate to unrequited love, fear, and step-parent issues? Plus, there is so much tragic beauty in the language.

I have too many books going right now. What I want is a good novel to sink my teeth into, but at the moment, I am reading some interesting and thought-provoking nonfiction books:

Milton Chen's Education Nation - I love his idea that we could be a country that values education and learning so much so that education becomes the focal point of what we do in our communities - parents taking parenting classes, summer science projects, etc. Plus, I find nothing more exciting than reading about schools that are successfully innovating and reinventing education.
Hayes Jacob's Active Literacy Across the Curriculum: Strategies for Reading, Writing, Speaking, and Listening - Definitely for educators, this book outlines ways schools can increase literacy. I wanted something with researched-based ideas on teaching grammar, which isn't what this book is, but it has given me some ideas nonetheless. I am reading this for an independent study curriculum development course I am taking, which means I have to consciously set time aside to read it or I never will.
Sharon Salzberg's Loving-Kindness: the Revolutionary Art of Happiness - Even though this book just arrived in the mail yesterday, I am already two chapters deep. I love it. My friend and I are going to read it together. Geek that I am, I love books that have exercises in them, as does this one.

Happy reading!

A School Year Reflection

2011-06-12T18:55:00.000-07:00

The school year has ended, and its closure has prompted me to reflect on the year. Without a doubt, this school year has been the most unusual year I have had.

While the year was great for me personally with the Nevada State Teacher of the Year award and the easiest and friendliest group of students I could ask for, there was a lot of sadness around me. Two different nineteen year-old men died. In my classes were each of their best friends and one of the boy's girlfriend. A colleague's boyfriend died, and one of my student's mother died on her daughter's eighteenth birthday. And of course, Steven and Keegan died in the spring. In all of my years teaching, I have never experienced this kind of grief around me. Watching my students suffer through their grief and guilt was incredibly difficult. There were many moments when I didn't know what to do or say.

There were far too many days when I wished I could have carried someone's grief, if even for a few minutes, to offer him a reprieve from his hurt, but alas, the world doesn't work that way. So while I packed my bags and headed off to Dallas to meet my STOY classmates and later to D.C. to meet the president, those around me were simply trying to get through the day.

The whole experience has reminded me how lucky I am to have those I love around me. The truth of the matter is that we are all going to die, and at any moment I could lose a parent, a friend or even one of my children. Life is fragile. All the more reason to take a moment to have lunch with my mom, to play trains with my son, to color with my daughter, to apologize to a friend, to listen quietly to a student telling me about her last conversation with her friend.

People matter, and they leave us or we leave them. What does that mean to you?

A Few Deep Breaths

2011-05-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

I read an email today from someone who had judged senior projects in which she lamented the quality of grammar in students' portfolios and asked if we are really graduating students who "who cannot reliably write grammatical sentences."

Now, first of all, I feel compelled to say that I am open to hearing what people have to say about what they see in our seniors' work, and at that same time, I expect that it be balanced and not solely criticism. We know we have areas to work on; we also know there are a lot of strengths to what our students produce. I say that because I don't want people to feel they can't dialogue openly with me.

But with that having been said, I am going to drop her comment, even though I have a lot I could say. But as my day is winding down, I am not pleased the I am focusing my energies on such a short - albeit negative - moment of an otherwise wonderful day. So for that reason, I am going to end my day with a list of ten things that made me happy today:

I was able to give blood today. This made me happy because my iron is often one silly little point below the cutoff. It also made me happy because, as a baby blood donor, I get treated like a very special person when I walk through the doors of United Blood Services. Case in point: today I was told today I was "a very special person." Who wouldn't love that?
While donating blood, I had fifteen lovely minutes of quiet time to myself.
At The Salvation Army store, I found three - count them THREE, pair of pants for my son. As a boy who loves to play with trains, he wears out the knees of all his pants, so much so that patching doesn't do any good. So I am always looking for pants that will fit him for a reasonable price.
My students made me laugh today - a lot.
My students wrote very sweet things in their letters to next year's seniors.
After they took a shower, I got to sit with my kids for over a half an hour reading an Ivy and Bean book. This especially pleased me because Ivy and Bean are chapter books for girls, but my son was still happy to sit quietly in my lap and listen to the story about two girls getting themselves trapped in a crawl space.
The Senior Project Committee chose the recipients of our senior project awards. Some very deserving -- and probably unsuspecting students -- will be receiving these awards next week.
We had a nice family dinner tonight. It's simple. We do it every night with a few exceptions, but I feel lucky to have my two kids and my husband at my dinner table with me every night.
My kids cleared the table, took out the recycling, and cleaned up the living room. 'Nuff said.
In a few moments, I will be reading another chapter from Tina Fey's book Bossypants. This book isn't for everyone. You have to like her sense of humor. If you do, this book will make you laugh out loud - literally.

So, yeah. I guess I have become a little bit of a Pollyanna lately, as someone mentioned the other day. But as I am learning to let things go, I am increasing my capacity for happiness and making life better for those around me.

Cheers to the little things like a blood donation appointment and a chapter book!

Senior Academic Letter Night Speech

2011-05-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I spoke at the award ceremony for seniors receiving the academic letter. Although I was nervous, it was fun, and the entire ceremony was over in less than twenty minutes, which gave us more time to mingle and enjoy cake. It was a great experience for me because I was very nervous, which I needed as a reminder for how my seniors felt today as they gave their senior board speeches.

Here is my speech transcript:

I would like to start by thanking Melissa James for asking me to be here tonight. It is an honor to be here with you all. But I also want to thank all of you for being who you are. I think I can speak for the entire staff of Carson High School when I say that over the last four years, you have brought us a lot of joy with your enthusiasm for life. Looking back on the last four years, I think of the homecoming assemblies, theater productions, musical performances, art shows and athletic competitions in which you have demonstrated your passions.

You have brought us pride by working hard and excelling in what you do – all of you – that’s why you are here tonight. Looking back on the last four years, I think of all the novels you have read, the A.P. government essays you have written, the debate cases you have developed, and the smelly science projects you have completed. You have completed trig problems that look like a foreign language and written essays in an actual foreign language. You have designed web pages in Dream Weaver and architecture in CAD that rival that of professionals in those fields, and you have made us proud with your efforts in your athletic endeavors, knowing that even when you didn’t win, you represented your school with dignity.

You have brought us inspiration by demonstrating kindness and generosity to others. Looking back at the last four years, I think of all the money you have raised for organizations such as the Invisible Children Foundation, the canned foods piled high at Thanksgiving, the adopted families at Christmas time, and more recently the generosity and love you have all shown Mrs. Peton as she prepares for her heart transplant.

But now that you are leaving, you bring us great pride tinged with sadness as we see you leave our small school community to explore the world at large. Our one hope is that you continue your patterns of joy, hard work, compassion and generosity. If you always look to your heart when making a decision, you will not go wrong.

I know you are all being showered with advice right now – everyone wants to tell you what to major in, how to be successful, and what NOT to do at college, but I want to take a moment of your time to share with you the lesson that teaching has continually presented to me. And that is the importance of remembering to always be kind to others because you never know what may be going on that you don’t see.

I am reminded of particular student – Armando – who was in my freshman English class. He was enrolled into my class a month into the school year. I didn’t think to ask why. He rarely smiled. I didn’t think to ask why. He never did his work – in class or at home. I didn’t think to ask why. I did try, however, to get him to work. I first tried joking with him. That didn’t work. I tried befriending him. That didn’t work. Finally I tried being aggressive with him and insisting he do his work. As you can probably imagine, that didn’t work.

Ultimately, I decided to let him be. I reasoned that it was his prerogative to not do his work. But then one day, I assigned an essay written in letter form. Students were to write to their parents asking for something. When I walked past Armando, he said to me, “Miss, I can’t do this assignment.” I wondered why this was different than any other assignment. A few minutes later, he repeated his claim, “Miss, I can’t do this assignment.”

Now, you think by now I might have keyed in to his need to tell me something, but I kept walking.

Finally, Armando asked to talk to me in the hall. There he said to me, “I can’t do this assignment because my dad’s in prison.” And then he paused, “And my mom died of cancer in August.”

At that moment, it became clear to me why Armando wasn’t doing his work. He felt like giving up because he felt life had given up on him.

From that moment on, our relationship changed. I looked forward to seeing Armando every other day. This change was not because of something he did differently, but because I saw him as the human being he was – a person just trying to get by.

Armando is fine now – every now and then he sends word to me about where he is and what he is doing. And I am grateful for those updates and for having known him.

I know that many students have walked in and out of my classroom who have struggled just as Armando had, and I probably never knew it. I stumble a lot with this lesson, but I do try to remember that every person is fighting some battle, and I hope that as you explore the larger world, you make it a better place by always remembering to forgive and to share your time and compassion with others.

Congratulations and thank you.

Simplicity Update

2011-05-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted much about this, but my goal for this year was to simplify my life. The challenge to this is that -- paradoxically -- it sometimes takes work and time to simplify, and as I have learned, sometimes life has other plans. I planned on simplifying, and the next thing I new, life got pretty complicated with the Teacher of the Year responsibilities, few as they are in comparison to most other states.

However, I have made some changes in my life, and I have seen the difference in my state of mind and happiness. My intention is to simplify so that I can spend more time doing the things that I value most, that bring me the most happiness, that enrich my life. Here is what I have done so far:

Cleaned out some closets and drawers, resulting in many trips to local thrift stores. Our coat closet has - gasp! - room for more stuff, though I hope to keep it the way it is now.
Almost entirely eliminated regular TV viewing from my life. I say almost because I do watch Top Chef every week with my husband and the occasional movie on Netflix. We are even cancelling our cable, though we will have instant Netflix and Hulu available through the TV. Honestly, though, I have to say that this one change has made the most difference in my life. TV is nothing but visual and intellectual clutter that takes time away from other more meaningful activities.
Established more routines. In general, I am not fond of routines. Of course, I live in a world of routines. A bell tells me when I can use the restroom and when it's time to eat, and I am not sure if my dislike of routines is because of this or despite it. Nevertheless, I am making a conscious effort to incorporate more routine into my life. A simple routine can free the mind and the schedule up for more important activities. I won't bore you with the details, but even something as simple as charging my cell phone on particular days helps streamline my life.
Largely reduced my time on Facebook and the Internet in general. Like TV, Facebook is digitial clutter. It's easy to spend an hour on Facebook and accomplish nothing. There have been some times when I have consciously chosen to devote some time to Facebook, and last week I spent a lot of time on Facebook for a few different reasons, but overall, I feel as if I have lost nothing in this reduction of computer time.
Said no to a number of invitations. This is hard for me. I am a shower-upper. If a friend is having a get-together, I not only want to go, but feel obligated to go. This is silly, of course. In fact, I am reminded of an article I used to give my students "Saying No So That I Can Say Yes" in which the author argues that it is important to say no to certain demands on your time so that you can say yes to those that most matter. I have said no to a night of wine tasting so that I could spend time with my kids. I have said no to coffee with a friend so that I could fit in a workout at the gym. (And I said no to a nap this weekend so that I could have coffee with a friend.) In general, I have slimmed down the items on my calendar, as that blank space usually means more family time, and happily I still have plenty of fun and still go out and have coffee and enjoy the company of other grown-ups; I am just more discerning in what I say yes to.
Put my master's on hold. This has helped me manage the extra tasks on my to-do list that I hadn't expected.
Stepped down as department chair, which has freed me up in terms of time, energy and emotions. It sort of doesn't count because I made that decision over a year ago, but this one action inspired me to streamline elsewhere.
Cleaned out my email in-boxes at home and at work. Everything was filed, handled or deleted.
Cancelled email subscriptions. Although this took some time, the 50 fewer emails I get a day has made an enormous impact on my time at the computer. And I don't miss any of the coupons, sales indicators, Facebook notifications, or newsletters I previously received.

Areas in need of more simplification:

Not shopping. Getting rid of things is one thing. Not bringing more into the house is entirely different and even more important. I need to be more discerning in what I buy. It has become increasingly apparent to me that my consumeristic patterns are going to take some time to overcome.
Saying no to tasks at work. Oh, goodness, this will by my challenge until the day I die, though I am working on it. I just applied for a giant year-long project at work. Why, you ask? Good question.
Getting my kids involved more in chores. Let's face it, they can pick up the towels and clean off the table just as easily as I can.
Getting rid of more stuff. We're working on this.

Washington DC, Day 4

2011-05-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

I was really excited for today. We started off with a meeting at the hotel for the official introduction of the new Teacher Leader Model Standards. Teacher leadership is a new concept for education, one that is considered a quality of 21st Century schools. With all the new programs and school improvement processes that go on in schools, schools need teachers to become leaders for those processes. The standards spell out what exactly teacher leaders do and set the foundation for professional development and evaluation criteria.

After this meeting, we headed over to the National Department of Education. I had been looking forward to this roundtable discussion for months. We all separated into topic groups where we had an hour to discuss our topic, after which we presented our ideas and questions to a panel of department members in a townhall meeting format. I appreciated that the department took this time with us, though I am skeptical as to how seriously they took our comments.

My table discussed school leadership. My colleague from Oregon asked this question: If there has been a strong movement to standardize teacher evaluations, why has there not been an parallel movement to do the same for administrators? Her question was not answered by the panel, although after the meeting, a department member pulled her aside to tell her that A) That is happening and B) It hasn’t been a priority because the public attention is on teacher performance, not administrator performance.

I also presented out for our group on our suggestion that administrative prep programs need to be more practicum-oriented. You cannot learn to teach via a textbook; similarly, administrators cannot learn to lead via a textbook. Specifically, we feel that the less tangible elements of administration – things like conflict resolution, dealing with the media, and evaluation of instruction – should be practiced by administrative candidates in their prep programs. Often administrative candidates find themselves doing nothing but student discipline in their internships, which does not provide them with the real-world principal responsibilities they will encounter later in their careers. That experience is important not only for learning but for discovering whether or not principal work is a good match for an administrative candidate.

Jay from Washington, me, Kathy from Arkansas, and Elizabeth from Oklahoma at the DOE.

After the DOE meeting, we went to the office of … where we had a less intensive meeting. Their office is on the top floor of a building directly across from the capital, and our reception took place on their balcony. It provided a lovely moment of reprieve from the hectic schedule and meetings. After some refreshments and mingling, we listened to some speeches, and discussed some issues of concern. One particular issue raised, which is of concern to me, is that of online education and what it means for learning and public schools.

The view from our last meeting of the week.

While I was running around DC discussing educational issues, my mom was visiting with my cousin who drove in from Virginia for the day. Unfortunately, I missed her by five minutes, so I didn’t get to see her at all. I haven’t seen her for over ten years, so I had been looking forward to the visit. I guess I will have to try to make it work another time.

That evening, Target sponsored a bus tour of the monuments, which was a fun and relaxing way to end our week. I am immensely grateful to the Nevada Department of Education, the CCSSO, and everyone who made this trip possible. I feel lucky to have had my mom along with me to make the trip more enjoyable. Mostly, I am grateful to my colleagues, whom I wish could have attended with me and who deserve this trip as much as anyone does.

The 2011 STOYs.

The Washington Monument at sunset.

Washington DC, Day 3

2011-05-08T19:39:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, we headed out to a SMART Board office where we received training for the SMART Boards the company has donated to every 2011 State Teacher of the Year. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a lab for us to work in, and the facilities were small for such a large group. I did get some great ideas on staff development and was refamiliarized with the software for the handheld student receivers, which I needed. We had time to share ideas at the end of the day, and Matinga, the 2011 Michigan State Teacher of the Year had some great ideas and web pages.
After the training, we were bussed back to the hotel where we had an hour to get ready for our black-tie dinner. My mom looked stunning in her black dress, so nice that I felt like wallpaper next to her. We arrived and enjoyed wine and hordourves. When it was time for dinner, we were shepherded to the ballroom where we enjoyed a delicious three-course meal. The first course was a crab timbale with a bisque sauce. The second course consisted of two types of bison, risotto, and fresh vegetables, and the dessert was a chocolate flourless cake with strawberry sorbet.

In the meantime, we heard speeches from various people. My favorite speech was given by Michelle Shearer, 2011 National Teacher of the Year, whose speech inspired me as both a teacher and parent. I also really enjoyed the speech by Lily Eskelsen, Vice Preseident of the NEA, who gave a speech that was both funny and moving.

Day 2: Washington DC

2011-05-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful today was. We started out at the White House. We stood in line for quite some time, waiting for our photos with the president. All of the sudden, the door to the Oval Office opens, and President Obama throws his arms in the air and says, "Well, hello there!" At that point we were ushered in one at a time for our photos. The president graciously engaged in small talk with each of us about where and what we teach.

We then stood behind the president as he introduced the National Teacher of the Year (NTOY), Michelle Shearer. We are all incredibly proud of Michelle and honored to be among her NSTOY class. Michelle is not only an incredible teacher, but an incredible woman, as was made clear by her first speech as NTOY. (How would you like to give a speech immediately after President Obama, arguably one of the best orators of our generation?)

After the ceremony, my mom and I grabbed lunch and then headed to the Capitol building, where we received a tour from a Reid aide. He accompanied us to Senator Heller's office, where we briefly met with the (almost) Senator and where a previous student is aiding.

After this brief meeting, we jetted back to Senator Reid's office while I was interviewed by a reporter from the Las Vegas Sun, where I sat and talked to his education aide and another former student. Senator Reid was running late, but I loved talking to Maria and catching up with her. I didn't think to talk education with the aide until just minutes before Senator Reid arrived. We sat and talked very briefly, had some pictures taken, and had a short, impromptu press conference.

Senator Reid received a note that Senator Inouye from Hawaii had arrived for a meeting, so Senator
Reid ushered my mom and I into his office to introduce me to Senator Inouye, who I believe is the oldest member of Congress.

At that point, we caught a cab back to the hotel. Shortly, we will head down for our dinner. I am both thrilled and excited by my day. I thought I would be nervous, but I wasn't. I mostly couldn't contain myself. I feel so lucky to get this opportunity.

Day 1: Washington DC

2011-05-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

My first day in DC has been great. We started off at the Smithsonian, at which point we were separated into groups that went to different museums. My group, which went to the Museum of American Art, spent most of our time at the Alexis Rockman exhibit, observing and discussing. It was wonderful seeing this amazing art and being able to just talk about it and explore how we could use his art in the classroom. If you have never seen his work, you should check it out at his official site. His work has this feel of botanical and scientific drawings, but they carry a social message regarding our consumption patterns and our destruction of our own ecosystem.

My favorite called Golf Course is not available on his site, but I also really liked the one with the cows here. It addresses our need to bioengineer our food and the consequences of that should it go unchecked.

After the Smithsonian, we headed off to the Biden residence, where we attended a reception hosted by Jill Biden, who was incredibly warm and friendly and welcoming. She took care to meet each of us personally; then she addressed the whole group, during which time she focused on the role teachers play in students' lives and particularly addressed the needs of military children.

We headed back to the hotel. Since we had a free evening, I was glad to spend that time with my mom. We walked around, bought some books for my kids, and ate a meat and cheese tray for dinner at an Italian restaurant.

Tomorrow we head to the White House for the National Teacher of the Year introduction. After that, my mom and I get a tour of the Capital by some Reid staff and then have a meeting with Reid himself.

Iwill try to update tomorrow.

Resting in Inconvenience and the Uncomfortable

2011-04-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

My friend Terri and I have been reading about equanimity together. We have read from both Donald Rothberg's book and Shaila Catherine's book. Both authors give the assignment to rest in the moments of inconvenience and discomfort. At the dentist's office this week, I had a lot of opportunity to practice equanimity in this way.

Next week I will be in DC for one of the State Teacher of the Year meetings. While the entire concept of the trip is exciting, it is also very nerve-wracking. Meetings with the president, with Senator Reid, and with Mrs. Biden all sound exciting while also completely terrifying. The trip also means a week away from my kids and my classroom - the two loves of my life.

Some of the trip will be engaging and fun without the terrifying: a black-tie dinner, a tour of the monuments, training on my new SMART board, and participating in two round-table discussions, one hosted by the Department of Education and the other by NASA with the Smithsonian. Plus, my mom is going with me, and I am looking forward to spending some one-on-one time with her.

Now that my departure date is less than a week away, my first instinct is to just forget the trip, stay home, play with my kids, and teach. But I can't do that. The trip is paid for, and these opportunities will not present themselves in my lifetime again. And I want to go. In a hand-wringing, stomach-fluttering sort of way.

So it occurred to me that this trip is going to provide lots of fodder for my equanimity practice. There will be lots of moments of inconvenience (waiting for the president, talking to aides in place of the senator, and lots of public transportation) and moments of discomfort (trying to compose myself around people I normally see only on CNN, feeling out of place amongst people I don't know, and trying to find my way around).

Instead of looking at this trip with dread, I have decided to see it as an opportunity to grow both in my profession and my practice. My goal is to rest in those moments of inconvenience and discomfort; to remember that suffering is either clinging, aversion, or delusion; and to simply be at ease with not being at ease. In the meantime, I hope to learn a lot and to make an impression, tiny as it may be, on those who make education policy.

I hope to post pictures next week. Cheers!

Signs of Spring

2011-04-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

*sigh*

I think there are many who would agree with me that spring is overdue, so I thought I would share a few signs of spring today to balance out the furthered sombre mood after the sad news again today. This school year has brought a great amount of grief to those around me, and as spring appears, I can't help but be reminded of the ever-changing vicissitudes of life. Let us all remember that life is fragile and to appreciate the present moment.

A Moment in Time

2011-02-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

This is not the image I see from where I sit. I am in bed with my daughter sleeping, head nuzzled up against me. My alarm clock is set, and the time reads 9:21. From where I sit, I see a cluttered dresser, a made bed, last week's issue of Newsweek with Academy Award nominees on the cover, all dressed in black. At this moment I am happy.

"We don't complain; we investigage."

2011-01-30T14:56:00.000-08:00

As you may know, I just returned from the conference for all the state Teachers of the Year (STOYs). The organizers centered content around how to be a voice for the educational community. John Quam, the organizer for the national teacher of the year program, started off by telling us we were not the best teachers: we represent the best teachers. This nicely encapsulated the role of the STOY.

One morning, I was listening to a podcast by Gil Fronsdale, who said, "In mindfulness practice, we don't complain; we investigate." And although Gil directed his comment toward meditators, it perfectly applied to my week. We spent the week thinking about problems in education, not complaining about them. We brainstormed solutions, not grievances. We discussed developing messages, not attacking them. It was exciting and energizing and somewhat overwhelming too.

And I so wish that I could have had my colleagues with me. My colleagues, especially those in the Language Arts Department, are folks who discuss these issues all the time. I wanted them there so that I could get their thoughts on the issues at hand - reauthorizing of ESEA, for example, or establishing a method of teacher accountability and evaluation. I realized very quickly how lucky I am to work with teachers who see themselves as professionals, which often means tackling larger issues as well as being many things, including lobbyist and PR rep.

Now that the Dallas conference is over, I can start planning my year. I will soon be blogging about my issues, but I am curious as to what issues you see as priority educational topics. Thoughts?

2011-01-29T21:12:00.000-08:00

I love this picture I took in Death Valley years ago. There is something quite beautiful in the desert, something unique. There is beauty in the rugged edges of the desert and the tenacity of life in such a harsh environment.

Currently, I am spending my time in a different desert state - Texas - though I head home Sunday morning. I am here for the State Teachers of the Year conference where we learn what the role entails. Who knew the position was actually a job in itself. In fact, some teachers go on sabbatical for the year. The role in Nevada is not nearly so intense, but it will mean seeking out speaking engagements. Here in Texas, we have spent time working on and crafting our individual messages, which I will share with you at a later date when mine is more . . . well . . . crafted. So stay tuned.

In the meantime, I will cover a couple Reverb prompts:

Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

I had planned on a residential retreat this last summer. I particularly wanted one through either Spirit Rock or Mountain Stream. The only five-day retreat that worked with my schedule was one by Donald Rothberg (yay!) for Jews (oh.). I could have looked harder and for ones farther away, but I didn't. This year, I will be gone four weeks out of the year, so I doubt I will commit to a reatreat, but I am hoping to do one in 2012. It's cool that our sangha has been hosting some and in such a wonderful location (Tahoe), but because they have all been during the school year, I haven't been able to attend.

Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Author: Jenny Blake)

It's difficult to answer this question, though I will take a shot anyway: I think I would say to myself Remember equanimity and that there is a lot of wisdom in the advice to not take things personally. I know the next year will be different for me in that I will need to leave my shell of introversion to meet others. Although this is no small task for a shy person, I know it will be good for me, and I know that relaxing into situations and not taking things personally will make the whole process smoother and more rewarding.

This is particularly poignant for me because I have spent the last five days feeling like a middle school student at lunch on the first day of school, trying to find where I fit in. In that way, it has at times been both awkward and very good for me.

I don't know what it is about this blog, but I feel like it has become much too heavy in its focus. I will brainstorm ways to lighten things up. In the meantime, here's joke for y'all: Why did the dinasauer cross the monkey bars?

Wait for it . . . .

Because he wanted to get to the other slide.

Teehee.

A few more prompts

2011-01-23T14:09:00.000-08:00

Next prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

For 2010 I wanted to try a picture a day for a year. I made it all the way through August, but then I could not stomach the idea of sitting in front of a computer and editing and uploading pictures. With an online master's, your participation and even your textbook reading all take place online. I got really sick of the computer. But I do not regret my decision to stop the project. There will be other opportunities.

For 2011, I want to try to simplify my life. That's why I put the photo of the stop sign up: I want to remember to STOP and think before I act, to stop buying and to stop taking on extra responsibilities.

I am ready for this - I spent the last month not shopping at all, and I have truly enjoyed it. I can honestly say that this time around, I did not feel the urge to buy anything. In the past, I limited my purpose to environmental issues mostly, so I could buy digital items and services. This time, I looked at environmental issues, financial benefits, and attachement issues. I found it refreshing to not buy anything but groceries. I didn't even miss the almost daily latte and have instead learned to appreciate a good cup of loose leaf tea. And I appreciated more of my attentions being diverted from things to activities and people.

Partly what helped make this easy for me is that my husband decided to join me this time around. Having the most important people in your life onboard with these kinds of decisions is so incredibly helpful.

Another thing I want to try in 2011 is a residential retreat. I am not sure I will be able to fit it in with all the other traveling I have scheduled, but I am certainly going to look into it.

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

I had some great down time this summer. Reading especially helped heal me. Because I read so much for work, it was especially nice to revisit the concept of pleasure reading. I read Shantaram, which I loved, as well as some cheesy mysteries. For my trip to Dallas, I am taking The Book Thief. I am terrified of flying, which is always allayed by a good, gripping read.

This "healing" was a slow process, but as the summer unfolded, I become more enthusiastic about everything.

For 2011, I would like to be energized by my travels and by having some free time. As I mentioned before, I am putting my master's on hold starting in a few weeks, and because I am no longer department chair, I have less work to carry home at night. Consequently, I hope to have some more time to play - to hang out with my kids, to cook, to read, to craft, and to meditate.

2010 in Summary

2011-01-22T15:29:00.000-08:00

Next blog prompt from Reverb 2010: December 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

Here I we go: 2010 started out very bleak for me. The first three and half months were a dark time in my life. To this day, I am not entirely sure why. For some reason, my faith in myself and my places in my family and my social circle was shaken. Although I am not 100 percent clear on the cause of this dark moment in my life, I do know that the weather had something to do with it, and as the ground thawed, so did my attitude toward the world. In the spring, my energy and my enthusiasm slowly increased.

In April, my principal called me into his office. I was nervous. What had I or someone in my department done? I was surprised to hear that I was chosen as the CHS teacher of the year - surprised because as department chair, I had nominated three other teachers. I had hoped it would be one of them who had won. Shortly thereafter, I interviewed for and won the district Teacher of the Year.

One big decision I made this year was to step down as department chair. This gave me a lot more time this summer to enjoy summer. And so I started my master's program, which has been more work than I expected, but rewarding nonetheless.

In the fall, I finished my application for State Teacher of the Year, and I discovered in December that I had been chosen. That has been a whirlwind.

Meanwhile, the year was largely devoid of serious illness - no hospitalizations, knock on wood. We like Rosalind's 2nd grade teacher. Jason has also started his master's in liberal arts. Sawyer is starting to enjoy toys beyond trains, but we still love to read about, play with, and visit trains.

Time!

With that prompt over with, I have to say that thoroughly enjoying this weather.Spring in January.

I'd share what I am reading, but I am still reading about school finance. It's a lot more interesting that it sounds. This week we are discussing systemic challenges to school finance - vouchers and religious charter schools especially. I am also reading lots and lots (91to be exact) developing research papers. My favorite topics so far:

What happened with the death of Benny Paret?
Why should the federal Department of Education be eliminated?
What is technology addiction?
How do the recession and the Tahoe ski industry affect one another?
What is behind the age controversy in the Olympics?
What are Colic and Laminitis in horses and how can they be prevented and treated?

Sheesh! I love my job!

Most popular topics this year from my students:

What is diabetes and how is it treated?
What effect does music have on a person?
What injuries are common in snowboarders and how can these be prevented?

Things are coming together with their papers. My seniors this year rock, in case I haven't mentioned that before. I better not get too used to it. Things could be very different next year, but for now, I am loving on my classes and closing with a picture from a year ago.

Totally Stoked!

2011-01-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

The kids and I are gearing up for Valentine's Day by making decorations. I love this holiday because it is all about the people whom you love. Plus, red is my favorite color, so it gives me an excuse to dress myself and my kids in red.

Saturday, I met with LeAnn Morris, the 2008 Nevada State Teacher of the Year. She filled me in on everything I can expect to happen this year. Her summary of her year and her advice energized me. Here are just a couple of things I am excited about:

My first trip is coming up in about a week
I get a new SMARTboard, and the school gets a site license for a program
I get my own hotel room!
The past three years one online univeristy has offered all STOYs a free-ride scholarship. If it does continue and if they will transfer my credits, it will save me about $15,000.
I will visit the White House and likely meet President Obama.

I have avoided this topic on my blog because I don't want to gloat, but at the same time, I really want to enjoy this year to its fullest, and I am really excited about what's to come.

I am contemplating starting a new blog on educational topics, though I'm not sure if I really need three blogs going. We'll see.

2011: Simplicty

2011-01-14T18:34:00.000-08:00

Last year, I set a ridiculous goal for myself to have a different resolution every month. I ended up overwhelmed and frustrated. What I needed more than anything was to cut back, not add on. This is why for 2011 I decided to commit to simplicity. Step one - set the intention.

I intend to do all that I can to simplify my life. Doing so will bring me more peace of mind, more time to spend with my family and friends, and more time for creative play and meditation.

From here, I made a long list of things I could do to simplify my life. The list is rather boring, but I will tell you that I have already made a difference in how I feel, and I am happier with the way I spend my time. Simple things like canceling digital subscriptions to email lists can make a big difference.

Then I discovered the prompt from Gwen Bell, which is What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

This fits in perfectly with my resolution to simplify, so I spent a week contemplating this questions. I finally came up with this list:

More items on my to-do list
Stress
Clutter
Extra weight
Gossip
Digital clutter
Anger
Lots of time in front of computer
Worry
Temper tantrums
Fatigue

I also brainstormed things I could do to eliminate these things.

I am glad I am doing this. Although I am cutting back where I can, I will be very busy this year. From what I understand, being the state teacher of the year (STOY) comes with work. I am happy to do it, and I am also glad I am clearing my plate so that I can feel like I am putting my best effort into those responsibilities. I am putting my master's program on hold until September, starting in early February. I can't wait to not have a paper a week to write!

I am getting really excited about my first trip as STOY, which will be to Dallas for a conference of all the STOYs.

Moving along on the blog prompts

2011-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

This is the current prompt from the Reverb 2010 blog prompts that I am working on, more than a month late, I might add. This one has me stumped. I guess my answer is mostly I dunno. I guess I don't know what I do that makes people light up except that I smile at people a lot. Paradoxically, I both love people and am extremely shy. This often causes discord for me, but I think the real important quality I have that makes me different is that I love teenagers. I am frequently asked why I would want to work with teenagers. You know, the whole kids-these-days song and dance. But on top of finding teens quite respectful and kind, I have learned that I love this age because it is the age in which teens start deciding whom they are separate from their parents, their siblings, and (gasp!) their friends. I think it's exciting to be a part of a student's exploration of what it means to be her. And this plays out intellectually in the classroom when students believe one thing, but their research leads them elsewhere. How exciting to watch a student explore an issue like stem cell research and do a complete 180 on the topic.

I don't think this love of adolescence makes people shine, but it does make the work I do more meaningful. I love my students and love being around them, and generally, I think they sense that.

Well, this topic warrants more contemplation, so I am going to move on: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

My friends Bob and Mandy hosted a 40th birthday party for me and my work buddies. It was a lot of fun. The best food there - various delicious cheeses my friends Terri and Adam brought. The best conversation - Scott telling us about his son's new girlfriend. In text that isn't funny, but it was hilarious in person. The best music - Bob bought Motley Crue's album Shout at the Devil. Hee hee. It took me back to the days of ratted hair and Ratt.

Next question:

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

Definitely deciding to pursue my master's. As hard as it has been to juggle teaching literature, grading papers, being a mom, working out, maintaining a social life, and meditating all while doing my master's, I have discovered that I really love the issues and topics that go along with education administration. Case in point: I was writing a paper, and my friend Ben agreed to meet me for coffee at 10 a.m. to help me work out an issue. At one point, I thought, "I'm getting hungry. It must be about noon. I should suggest we get something to eat." I looked at my watch - it was 2 p.m.! We had talked about this issue almost entirely for four hours, and I hadn't realized so much time had passed. I am sure both our spouses were a little skeptical as to what we were actually doing, but unless you count discussing the priorities of a successful co-teaching program having an affair, then you can rest assure that everything was on the up-and-up.

Well, it is time to meditate and call it a night. It's cold here. Here's to wishing you have plenty of warm drinks to warm your tummy and friendship to warm your heart.

More 2010 Review

2011-01-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

For the blog review of 2010, Gwen Bell asks, "Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)."

The last thing of 2010 that I made was definitely a scrapbook page. During the Christmas break, I spent a lot of time in my crafting area making cards and pages. I loved it and found it completely reeneergizing. While working on my master's, I have very little time for play, so the break from both work and school was much needed. I have six more weeks of this program before I take an extended break so that I can focus on my Teacher of the Year resonsibilities.

Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

This question gives me stomach knots. I haven't completed the letting go, but I decided in December to change dentists. This upsets me. I kind of bonded with him over this last year. I like him and have finally started getting the work I needed because he helped me work through some of that. But then I discovered that he is on his third round of probation with the state examination board. Time to move on, unfortunately. The problem is that I have serious loyalty issues and feel that moving on is disloyal even if I think it is better for my pocket book and my health. I have struggled with coming to terms with this.

Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I discovered the 365 picture-a-day community, and even though I didn't finish the project, I did enjoy chatting up fellow 365ers and getting and giving feedback.

I'll cover more of the 2010 review next time I blog - I need to ponder the next question. Here's an update on what I am reading: I am reading essays from The Best American Science Writing 2009. My favorite is one about a police officer who died a couple years after 9/11. The essay explores the question of whether or not he should have received compensation for his death. I had my seniors read it, and many indicated that it was their favorite essay of the semester. The other fascinating article focused on Cesar, the dog whisperer, but the article was really about human movement and the psychology behind how animals and people respond to movement.

I am looking forward to getting the 2010 issue when I am off my no-buy month. (Oh, yeah. I am doing that again. More on that later.) I am reading this book because with my master's program I only get small bursts of pleasure reading. So really, I should say that right now I am reading Financing Education in a Climate of Change.

Meanwhile, my sangha is reading The Issue at Hand by Gil Fronsdal of the AudioDharma and Zencast podcasts, and a friend of mine and I are reading Waking Up to What You Do by Diane Eshin Rizzetto and The Engaged Spiritual Life by Donald Rothberg. That's all in small bursts of reading too, which works well for my master's program.

It's time to sign off, meditate, and watch an episode of Scrubs, season V. Sweet! I was hoping to add an image, but Blogger isn't allowing it.

Reverb 2010: Blog Prompts from Gwen Bell

2011-01-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Lat December, well December 2009, I followed Gwen Bell's suggestions for a blog a day to cover the previous year. I want to do the same for 2010, but of course I am running late. But, meh! Who cares about timeliness. December and May are crazy months for us for a whole slew of reasons. So why not blog in January?

Prompt 1: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

For 2010, I think the one word has to be "roller coaster." Okay, so that is cheating because it's two words. The year started out bleak. I don't know why, but the winter sucked me dry of my energy and enthusiasm. Then as the weather improved, so did my mood. So many things this year caught me off guard, but especially being chosen as the school teacher of the year, then the district teacher of the year, and then the state teacher of the year. While this semester has been one of my best as a teacher (my classes this year ROCK), it has also been one of the saddest semesters. Lots of people around me have suffered immensely, and we put our dog down.

For 2011, I want the word to be "simplify." There is not doubt I need to simplify my life. Simplify my possessions and my commitments and my goals. That's the plan, anyway.

Prompt #2: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

Well, this is an easy one - my master's program keeps me from writing. And I have two more days of a break before it starts again, so I who knows when I will blog again. The good news is that for my master's I write a paper a week, which keeps my writing skills well-honed.

Prompt #3: Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

This is an easy one: the moment when the state announced I received the state teacher of the year award. I was pretty nervous going into the assembly because there were rumors I was the reason for the assembly. Now, you have to know that the idea of over 2,000 people gathering and paying attention to me is about as close to terrifying as anything could get. As it became clear why the presenter was there, I got so nervous that I could hear my heart pounding. My voice and my hands shook when I walked to the front of the gym and accepted the award. It was all a whirl - lots of cheering and lots of shaking on my part. The best part was when the students were released to go back to class, three boys from my junior class last year rushed down to hug me. That moment right there was one of the best moments of my life - my junior class last year was full of both kindness and brilliance. I could not have asked for a better group of students, and having some of them there to cheer me on so deliberately made my year.
Prompt #4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

My profession has always initiated a sense of wonder for me. As an English teacher, I have always loved being able to explore new authors and new writing processes for students. Lately, however, I have felt compelled to research more educationally-driven issues: I researched sleep and school start times, Hispanic enrollment in honors/AP classes, co-teaching, and cheating and plagiarism, just to name a few.
Well, that's all for now. See you soon hopefully.

Dentist, Part Deux

2010-11-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

So turns out that $2200 implant I paid for does not include the $1200 crown. Yup. I paid $2200 for a pieceof titanium to sit in my bone, but have to pay another thousand to actually make use of that tiny piece of titanium. I'm sure the info is on the dental plan they showed me - I do not believe the front office staff tricked me - but I do believe it could have been clearer. And here's the kicker - I had two implants done - the second of which will cost $2000 to crown.

So my quick trip to the dentist for a follow-up on an infection I am fighting turned into a very stressful event when the dentist suggested we go ahead and make the mold for the crown. One thing I have to say about the dentist is that my visits are often excellent sources of inspiration at the gym. I get to work off my frustrations there, which helps me in more ways than one.

I know this all provides ample fruit for my practice, but I gotta say that I'm just not feeling it. I am frustrated, nervous, and anything but mindful. This is why I know I need to give it all some space. I left the office today without making any decisions. Hopefully, I will be prepared to deal with this mindfully in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm gonna be making lots of trips to Starbucks to partake in my drug of choice.

On a happier note, I realized today how lucky I am to have a job I love. The bell rang for first period, and a sense of relief washed over me. At that moment, I realized that I look forward to being in the classroom with my students. Outside of cuddling with my kids or watching them play happily together, I am happiest when I am teaching.

Still Kicking

2010-10-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

Yup, I'm still kicking, just not blogging, so I thought I would check in and say howdie to the no one who happens to read this. I have been working on my master's through an on-line program, which means I spend way too much time at my computer - reading, posting, researching and writing papers. The fallback is that I don't want to spend any more time uploading photos or blogging. But I really ought to because both of those activities give me my creative fix.

I scrapbooked yesterday with the girlfriends at County Purr Farm. Totally energizing. I need my creative outlet and just plain don't have enough time for it lately. I am much happier when I get to be creative on a regular basis. Meditation too keeps me happy, and it too has taken a back seat to all of life's demands.

School rocks. I love my classes. They don't make me laugh as much as some years, but they are subdued and hardworking, which makes my time in the classroom easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, as my daughter would say.

I would love to post about what I'm reading, but alas unless you're interested in the recent research on inclusion and co-teaching programs or the school improvement process, well, then you're just not gonna care. Since I don't get time to read for fun, I am dieing for the opportunity to cuddle with my Kindle. Just the sight of her depresses me.

What else is up? Oh, I think I bought my dentist a new car. Yup, I traded a few pieces of white ceramic the size of a pea for $12 of work. Thank goodness for insurance, HSAs, and interest-free loans. I'm not sure what hurt more - having the anaesthetic wear off after the implant before I could take a Vicodin or seeing the $5500 bill for the five hours I spent on the not-so-comfy chair in one day. That's pretty much the focus of my world these days.

Happy Nevada Day to all you Nevadans. I am off to read a couple chapters on data analysis and fall lifeless into bed.

Need Sun . . . Fo Real

2010-03-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

I live in Nevada where the sky is blue and the sun shines about 345 days a year. Even in the winter, we'll get snow, but the next day will bring blue skies and sun.

Not this year, though. It's good in that the ski resorts are doing well and the snow pact is at a healthy level, hopefully healthy enough to pull us out of our drought. Our grass is green already, as green as it usually is in late April.

But it also means lots and lots of cloudy days. I have enjoyed the photo ops of the cloudy days in that they provide for rich colors and soft, suffused lighting.

But dang, this girl is ready for some sun. And when I say sun, I mean scorching heat. The kind of heat that prickles your skin and makes sweat drip down your back. The kind of heat that makes you languid and your dog languid and even your six-year-old languid. The kind of heat that calls for sorrowful saxaphones and lemonade and late evenings and romantic trysts.

THAT is what I'm ready for. In the meantime, I'll have to deal with cloudy skies, Easter, cold toes, and antsy, cabin-fever kids.

Oh, well. Life's still good.

What I'm Reading

2010-03-05T18:58:00.000-08:00

I think that the sun is finally beginning to shine in more ways than one. It's hard for me to post when I am so exhausted; however, I think I'm creeping out from hybernation right now and thought I'd take advantage of my energy level and post here.

I have been reading a lot these days. I have two books for work - The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien and Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. How lucky am I to read two of my three favorite books for work. It doesn't get much better than that, I tell you. The students seem to be liking both books. Well, I should say my juniors seem to be appreciating Invisible Man. It's not exactly a joy read for them, though they can appreciate its artistic value.

I am also reading The Piano Teacher by Janice Y.K. Lee on my Kindle. It dragged at first. I felt it was just another Great Gatsby set in Hong Kong during WWII, but then the Japanese invasion hit, at which point the story got a lot more interesting. It is weird that there are two plot lines going, one in the 1940s and the other in the 1950s. The title character is from the 1950s plot thread, but I'm almost half way through the book, and that thread has barely been touched upon, resulting in what I feel is a somewhat disconnected narrative overall. I also had trouble keeping track of all the characters, but as it turns out, I didn't need to. In the beginning, it's hard to shake out who are the important players. Still, it's an interesting read. At this point, I would recommend it.

So Glad I Have My Job

2010-01-22T19:28:00.000-08:00

I laughed more today than I usually laugh at a stand-up comedy routine. I love my job.

Two best lines from today:
Me: Who are these people? (Pointing to a picture.)
Student: They're PILGRIMS, Mrs. Macy. That's why you're an English teacher.

Student to another student: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's violates all public speaking codes of conduct to HIT an audience member.

Anyway, I promised myself that I would share my ideas about reducing, reusing, and recycling this month, and I'm feeling like a nag. Since I've already hit 92% on my resolutions, according to my chart on the Happiness Toolbox, I'm not going to push it as much.

Meanwhile, I am thinking loving thoughts for all those people out there suffering from depression. I encountered one today, and I will spend my weekend worrying about this person.

Recycled Art

2010-01-19T19:55:00.000-08:00

I have been playing with some recycled materials for a craft project. Not being able to buy anything makes me look around for more available materials. In particular, I am covering a binder and using an old wool jacket for part of the design.

This process got me thinking about recycled art, so I spent some time browsing web pages of recycled art galleries.

Here's one I found that had a wide variety of artists. They have both crafts and what I could consider art. This piece made me giggle.

I thought this glass kitchen ware was pretty cool.

And I had fun shopping Etsy stores trying to find a present for a friend who is very eco-friendly herself and who also happens to write. I finally found this, but if your birthday is in early February and your name is Terri and you are a vegetarian, don't follow that link.

So that's enough of my link-heavy post. Wish I knew if I could use other people's images in my own blog legally and ethically.

Happy day, everyone.

Ethical Shopping

2010-01-15T20:54:00.001-08:00

On top of trying to shop in an environmentally friendly manner, I am also trying to shop in a more human friendly manner. For me, this means shopping for fair trade products or products that are made in the U.S. and therefore under strong labor laws.

Well, I haven't been shopping at all, but I have been browsing online, trying to find stores that sell fair trade products. It isn't as easy I expected. I mean, I could buy this or these, but neither suit my style.

But I finally found a store that has what they call "organic, eco-friendly, and fair trade fashion" all for a relatively reasonable price, especially when you shop the sales. Where can you enjoy "organic, eco-friendly, and fair trade fashion," you ask? It's called Fair Indigo. Check it out.

Smile!

2010-01-14T20:48:00.000-08:00

This last week has been rough, so I've been avoiding blogging at the risk of sounding whiney. I am still reading and thoroughly enjoying The Happiness Project. Gretchen Rubin is inspiring in her self-reflection and her structured method to acheiving happiness. I respond to that kind of thing. I do wonder how she can sometimes state facts and studies without actually citing them, but there must be something I am missing. Oh, and if you're looking for a good gym-read, this is it. It's engaging while also being a very light and easy read.

Meanwhile, I am still not shopping, still turning off lights, still encouraging my daughter and my students to recycle and whatnot. I am surprised at how easy this month has progressed in terms of me not shopping. I am liking the quieter weekends sans Old Navy, Target, and Famous Footwear. Things seem slower around here when we're not spending three hours of a perfectly good weekend day shopping for socks for one kid, a sweater for the other, nylons for me, and . . . well, we don't spend a lot of time shopping for Jason. He doesn't want much, and when he does want something, it's usually fast because he runs into Best Buy knowing exactly what game or headphone set he wants.

I am excited that I have a plan for the first charity project of the year for DD and me. We are going to work at The Educator's Closet hanging and organizing clothes. The Educator's Closet serves two functions: They take old office supplies and house them for educators to use, and they also organize clothing drives, coat drives, etc. for local families in need. I think this is a great starting project for the two of us. We'll be doing one a month for 2010.

And for my enviro sharing for the day: Did you know that "[r]ecycling 1 ton of plastic saves 7.4 cubic yards of landfill space?" 'Tis true, according to Earth 911.

***

I have a lot to smile about - kisses from my kids, the smell of herbs on my hands, and the approaching three-day weekend. What's making you smile these days?

Interesting Energy Tidbit

2010-01-11T21:39:00.000-08:00

The authors of the web page Energy Audits, Energy Efficient Homes, Save Energy, Energy Conservation, Building Green, Sustainability state that "[i]f you add together all of the areas where wind moves into most homes from the outside it is like leaving a window open 6”or more. Air leaks waste as much as 30-40% of a home's energy intake. Your home's energy efficiency will improve vastly by properly sealing cracks, crevices, gaps that allow air to pass directly into a home's conditioned space through the exterior of the structure."

I am trying to pay more attention to the overall energy efficiency of my home. In one of our bathrooms, you can feel the air come in under the door. In fact, in the fall, leave somehow make their way in.

I may actually get an energy audit. It's one of those things that will cost money up front, but hopefully in the long run will save money and be more environmentally friendly.

How energy efficient is your home?

» Consumerism vs. minimalism | mnmlist.com

2010-01-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

On the mnmlist web page, the author has written an article on how to be more minimalist in your approach to shopping. I like his ideas:

» Consumerism vs. minimalism mnmlist.com:

"Learn to be more conscious of my impulses when I'm ready to buy something."
For the first few months of no shopping, I found myself accidentally paying for impulse buys before I realized that it conflicted with my resolution. The more often I practice low impact months, the easier it becomes to avoid impulse purchases.

"Learn to pause, and to breathe, to let the physical desire wane."
Being mindful of the physical sensations I get from shopping not only allow me to make more appropriate shopping choices, but it also is a practice in everyday mindfulness and awareness of the body. I get lots of benefits from being aware of the thrill I get from shopping. Before I started this, I wasn't even aware that I got any thrill from shopping.

"Force myself to wait, if the purchase isn't an absolute necessity."
That's what my entire month forces me to do. It's amazing how much I think I need when I am in the store and seeing color and shape. At home, it doesn't seem so necessary.

"Let myself think about it, and analyze whether it's something I really need to buy. Often the answer is no. "
I am still working on this.

"Slowly improve upon this, over time, as I always make mistakes."
One of my newer mottos is to cut everyone, myself included, some slack.

So which of these quotes most speaks to you?

The Happiness Project Toolbox

2010-01-03T13:26:00.000-08:00

I am trying out the Happiness Project toolbox for 2010. It's a place where you can create resolutions, checklists, etc. It's a pretty interesting site. I am doing as the site creator did and devoting each month to a different area of my life. Here is my schedule for 2010:

Jan: Consumption and Ownership
Feb: Love and Community
Mar: Energy
Apr: Money
May: Mindfulness
June: Order and Simplicity
Jul: Health and Well-Being
Aug: Creativity and Fun
Sep: Family
Oct: Friends
Nov: Attitude
Dec: Giving

I have some other plans for the year, but more to come on that later. Hopefully, posting this here will keep me honest.

I am a complete nerd in that charts, lists, and check lists really motivate me into action. Because I like having goals and concrete methods of measuring those goals, this kind of project works really well for me. My husband, I'm sure, would roll his eyes. He could never view his life as a series of lists. And that's why he complements me so nicely.

Happy new year and here's to having a plan.

Acquisition Versus Living

2010-01-02T20:44:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a lot about consumption patterns, simplifying, and intentions. Recently, I stumbled upon the following quote from Zen Habits:

How to Want Very Little: "What you need to do is learn to get lost in activities rather than acquisition. Instead of being strung along by the latest gizmo, learn to transplant that process into an outlet such as writing, music or drawing. Focus on doing interesting things rather than buying interesting things."

It is true that most Americans easily get lost in acquisition. I see it in my own family on a regular basis. It isn't that we even want the item so much as we want the high we get when we acquire something new. You can read about this in the book Hooked!: Buddhist Writing on Greed, Desire and the Urge to Consume.

In the communities surrounding both of my hobbies, stashing is encouraged. "Stashing," it should be noted, is nothing but a euphemism for hoarding. In the sewing world, we encourage one another to stash (hoard) fabric; in the paper crafting world, we encourage one another to stash (hoard) paper and embellishments. I found myself spending more time shopping for fabric, patterns, books and crafting items than I was spending time on the actual crafts themselves. Completely ridiculous, really, but it was my pattern. My low-impact months have taught me to spend less time in the crafting stores, more time in my crafting space doing crafts. More time with my kids, less time shopping for them. More time reading less time in Borders.

I know you're probably thinking that I have stated the obvious, but when you mindlessly go about life, you miss the obvious, which is why I think committing to a month of no shopping is a worthy endeavor. It forces mindfulness.

So that is my goal for this low-impact month - to really focus on doing more things I enjoy and less time in stores.

Happy new year!

Ridiculously Easy Pie Recipe

2010-01-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

I am going to a party this afternoon and was asked to bring a dessert. As you may know, I am a disaster in the kitchen, but I'm working on improving that status/reputation.

So I decided to start with a simple dessert. I am taking this yummy creamy lemon pie. It's incredibly simple:

Graham cracker pie crust
Small can of sweetened condensed milk
Tub of cool whip
Small can of frozen lemonade defrosted (I had to use a half of a larger size because the small cans weren't available)

Whip together the condensed milk, cool whip, and defrosted lemonade and spread into pie crust. Twirl it around so it looks pretty.

Done!

2009-12-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to shop for your favorite child at Once Upon a Child. As one friend said, you don't have to deal with all the twisty things that come with new toys! Plus, the one in Reno is especially cool because an especially cool person owns it. :)

Best Laugh

2009-12-29T07:29:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "Laugh. What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?"

I spend my day around high school students. Sometimes they drag me into the gutter. Sometimes I drag them into the gutter.

I was explaining the word "perfunctory" and how you do something perfunctorily when you do it everyday.

So this kid raises his hand and says, "So you know that thing I do in the shower every morning? I do that perfunctorily?"

I nodded and thought I would be able to keep my cool and move on, but it took about three seconds before I was laughing so hard tears rolled down my face. I tried to hide behind the podium and get myself together, but I was laughing too hard.

The class got quiet. Then a couple people started to snicker. Then more started to snicker. Then the boy who asked the question started to guffaw.

We laughed for quite some time.

Then someone said, "Mrs. Macy, we would NOT have gone there if you hadn't gone there."

It was clear this kid meant shampoo his hair, but we had a good gutter laugh about it for weeks.

I love my job.

Join Me: Low Impact Month of January

2009-12-28T16:56:00.001-08:00

Americans are consumers. Just look at the rhetoric that surrounds the current economic crisis. We have the opportunity to reevalute as a society what our values are and to restructure our economic system so that it is more responsible (environmentally and socially) as well as more sustainable (because let's face it, an ever-increasing cycle of production-and-consumption has to crash at some point). But instead, we're concerned with how much people are spending.

However, we can each make a difference individually by our consumption habits, which is why I am inviting anyone and everyone to join me in a month of responsible consumption for January 2010. This doesn't have to be huge: it's as much about making yourself more aware of your spending as it is about anything concrete. So join me. I'd love the company.

I'm hoping to go big here - or maybe more aptly labeled "go really small" - but that isn't necessary for you. You can make a difference in your consumption patterns and your awareness just by working on one element of you consumption for a month.

You could commit to any or all of the following:

Not buying anything besides basic groceries

Bringing your own bag to the grocery store

Bringing your own reusable cup to your favorite coffee shop

Recycling more - not just cans and bottles - recycle those items you don't use anymore by taking them to FISH (or other local charities) or joining Freecycle.

Along those same lines, recycle electronic goods. Computers can go to Computer Corps.

Carpooling/biking/walking as much as possible

Buying only shade-grown, fair-trade coffee beans

Turning off lights when not in a room

Turning off your computer when it's not in use

Unplugging electrical items and/or cords when not actually using them

Buy only used items

Choose products that are more responsible - less packaging, American made (less energy in shipping with strong labor laws) - or made by conscientious companies as suggested by Responsible Companies.Com

Not buying fast food

Using cloth napkins

Put a stop to your junk mail

Buy only from eco-friendly co-ops like this one

Volunteer in a community clean-up activity

Volunteer for a local organization that promotes environmentally or socially responsible behavior, such as Muscle Powered; a local charity, such as Advocates to End Domestic Violence; or a national organization, such as Grassroots Recycling Network. (I'll talk more about this later, but much of our consumption habits come from shopping being a hobby. Finding other, more meaningful activites to engage us promotes more responsible consumption.)

Buy organic whenever possible

Eating vegetarian a couple times a week

Buy from local artisans, especially for gifts

Get others involved. Kids love projects, so consider getting a child to commit to one of the above with you and make it a fun family project.

Got any other ideas? Let me know about them.

Best Stationery of 2009

2009-12-28T08:09:00.001-08:00

I think for this prompt from Gwen Bell, I am choosing something I made. I love to make my own cards and send them to people. I think my favorite was this owl card, which I made from found objects - a leaf, a twig and some cardboard.

I also enjoyed making this card for my cousin's wedding.

Sending notes in cards I made makes it feel more personal. The owl card, for example, was for my friend Kathy's birthday. She is very environmentally aware, so I thought it was appropriate. The wedding card was for a person who is very feminine, and the colors were similar to the colors of her wedding invitation.

P.S. Thank you to Gwen Bell for spelling stationery correctly. Stationery/Stationary are vocab words on my students' usage list. Many don't even know what stationery is. They've never heard of nice paper you write letters on. They're certainly the digital generation.

Social Web Moment . . . ?

2009-12-27T08:26:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell asks what the best social web moment of 2009 was.

As a teacher, I don't have any time at work to spend time on the Internet, and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to because of our filters. (Fortunately, we're supposed to be getting filters that will allow our high school to have its own settings: high school students don't need the same filters as first graders do. My students can often not get to information about the war in Iraq because it gets filtered out as graphic. Nevertheless, I won't be able to engage in social networking sites from work, which is a good thing because that's just the kind of thing that can eat up my entire day.)

At home, I get some time on the Internet, but with two kids, I don't have a lot. I already spend too much time doing the few things I do, so I try to avoid getting wrapped up in a lot of social interacting online. I do use Facebook and was part of a Flikr 365 group until I bailed in April. But it wasn't like I made great friends from that group. I joined a couple scrapbooking groups, but didn't spend enough time online to develop relationships, and on one, I couldn't stand the immediate flame-warring I saw.

So since I do not have a best for this category, I thought I would post some of my favorite pictures from this holiday season.

2009-12-26T18:08:00.000-08:00

This documentary looks intriguing. Can't wait to see it.

Best Gift of 2009

2009-12-26T13:22:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell asks the following question for today's prompt: What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?

I could be repetitive here and say it was the happiness and peace of mind that my focus on practice brought about, but I don't like repetition nor do I see the point of repetition in blogland.

This question can be taken figuratively or literally, of course. Maybe the best gift was letting go or maybe it was a new coffee pot.

I am going to take this prompt more literally and talk about two things I spent money on that were for me. The first, which rings in at less than five dollars, is this coffee cup. It sounds silly, I know, but there's something about drinking coffee out of a mug that is both pretty and that also happens to fit nicely into your freakishly small hands. It's a gift that I appreciate every morning when I take that first sip of steaming hot coffee.

The second was a retreat, but not a meditation retreat. On my weekend birthday, three of my four best girlfriends and I attended a scrapbooking retreat at Saint Mary's retreat center in Virginia City. This was a special gift for me for a number of reasons: I got to spend quiet time with my close friends, I met some cool people, I got a lot of scrapbooking done, and I discovered the very cool place that is Saint Mary's. I scampered back to Dharma Zephyr to tell them about this place, since we just recently lost our gorgeous retreat center. They were already onto the site, which means we're going to have at least a couple retreats there in 2010. It's such a cool, old place, complete with ghost stories and creaking hallways, and it's surrounded by rolling fields of brush, which makes it incredibly quiet and relaxing.

My goal for 2010 is to do a residential retreat, but if none work out for me, I just may rent a room at Saint Mary's for a weekend and do my own, personal meditation retreat.

And One More Disclaimer (aka Getting Real)

2009-12-24T20:46:00.000-08:00

All of my reflections on the best of 2009 makes me feel a little fake, like The Cosby Show, where no one has any problems that can't be solved in a half-hour with commercials and a good, ole down-to-earth chit chat with dad that always ends with a sweet, funny one-liner.

Despite all my chatter about peace and happiness, I still have a terrible problem with taking things personally. Like when my friends give away the spices I made them for Christmas or when my husband rolls his eyes in delight at my friend's Christmas candy, but won't even bother to break open the spices I ground and mixed and bottled. Like when my friend shows up a half hour late to use my shower at o-dark thirty in the morning without acknowledging the tardiness of the arrival or the fact that I got up at 5:30 on a Saturday to sit and wait for her to show up. Like when my brother and his wife don't show or call or mention the invitation to my child's birthday party. Like when my friend tells my daughter that "it's okay if she doesn't believe in God, but she should respect other people's beliefs," as if my daughter is some kind of freak who needs to respect but not be respected. Like . . . well, I need to quit this because my blood pressure is rising, and it's just not healthy, and I'm starting to see my life as more of a Roseanne episode than a Cosby episode.

Yup. Maybe for 2010, the goal ought to be to learn to not take things personally, cuz I got issues with that. I mean, I'm hauling this crap around like I'm Santa and it's my bag-o-goodies, only the goodies are for me and they aren't so good after all.

For What It's Worth

2009-12-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

All my jabbering about peace and happiness . . . . When I say, "I still have work to do," I mean it. Tonight I lost my temper with my son. On Christmas Eve. I didn't hurt him -- don't get me wrong -- but I did lose my temper. He wasn't behaving well, but let's face it: I'm the mom. I certainly do have a long way to go.

Learning Exp

2009-12-24T14:21:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?"
I have learned a lot about happiness this year, about moving on and letting go, about handling anger, about coaching the mind to be happy even when all you're doing is sitting on a cushion.

One concept stands out, however. I discovered the concept of neural plasticity. It's a scientific concept that has far reaching implications in everyday lives. I have blogged about it before, but it's the idea that although the physical structure and makeup of the brain affect our thoughts, as it turns out, our thoughts can affect the physical structure and makeup of the brain.

Now, you might be thinking that this is a concept, not a real lesson, but it was the Rick Hanson retreat where I learned the applicable lesson. Hanson had us meditate on something that made us happy and to focus on that happiness. The effect was euphoria. Really. True euphoria. It didn't last long for me, but at that moment, it was like a new world cracked open to me and new possibilities were born.

At that moment, it became very clear to me just how powerful the idea of neural plasticity can be.

If there was one thing I would shout from the tops of buildings, it would be, "People! You do not have to be a victim to your biological makeup . . . well, neurologically speaking, anyway." Ok. Maybe the tops of buildings isn't the most effective form of relaying this message, but I want every American to be exposed to this concept. We are a culture of anitdepressants. I have no qualms with people taking antidepressants. This is more about a cultural pattern than an individual struggling with depression. But we need to know that there are things we can do to affect the way our brains function. Powerfully affect the way our brains function. And if we keep at it, momentum comes into play, and that positive force forms more positive energy.

Although I have experienced some very stressful situations this year, I have been happier than I have ever been for many reasons, but largely because I opened myself up to the possibility of true happiness and the idea of myself being that true source of happiness.

It rocked my world.

I feel one other lesson must be addressed. Last spring, when *things* were happening at work and I was experiencing a great deal of anger, I listened to one of Gil Fronsdal's podcasts on anger. Fronsdale works at both the San Francisco Zen Center and Spirit Rock Meditation Center. I don't remember if it was from Audio Dharma or Zencast, but I do remember him saying that paradoxically, the best time to work with anger is when you're not angry. So that is what I did. Once the situation dissipated, I spent three months working with anger - paying attention to it, looking into its causes, and practicing with skillful methods of dealing with it. I still have work to do, but I grew a lot during that three months.

So thank you to Rick Hanson, Gil Fronsdal, and the Buddha for these lessons, which will undoubtedly resonate in 2010.

Best of 2009: Web Tool (huh?) and New Food

2009-12-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell asks what my favorite Web tool from 2009 is: "It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn't live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience."

Ok. This one shows my ignorance because I'm not even sure what she means by this. (I'm laughing right now.) I'll excuse this ignorance by saying that because of the nature of teaching, I don't spend most of my time on the Internet.

But I did get a new computer, and although this doesn't really count as a web tool, I'm going to say that the new OS is pretty fun and will count as my new "web tool." I like how it handles open windows, and I like the gadgets I can put on my desktop.

I'm definitely going to have to check Gwen Bell's web page and see what other people write for this one.

For the catch-up entry, I will answer her question about favorite new food. Although Vietnamese food isn't new to me, Pho Country is new to Carson, and we love it. I love the freshness and lightness of Vietnamese food complete with fresh basil and cilantro and tastey broths. And oh! The spring rolls. Plus, this restaurant is surprising affordable - $6 for a basic pho dish. Compared to the other pho restaurant, this one has lots of choices - three pages of options. I get something different every time, which is another reason I'm throwing Pho Country into the favorite new food category, even though it's a restaurant, not a food. Sunday, I got the stir-fried tofu. It's fried in a chili pepper sauce that is yummy - I only wish it were little spicier.

Best Album and Location

2009-12-22T21:08:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "December 10 Album of the year. What's rocking your world?"

Well, I'm procrastinating a meditation here, so I think I'll spend some time catching up on the blog challenge. I like mellow, middle-aged lady music. *Sigh* Complete digression here, but one of my students who graduated last year called me and my friends "middle aged." Love ya, girl, but that as fun as running out of hot water when you still have to rinse the conditioner from your hair. But, my best album most certainly verifies her label: I love Priscilla Ahn's album A Good Day. Digression #2: The truth is that iTunes has kind of put a damper on my album loving because it's so easy to buy just a song or two. But with this album, iTunes helped out by recommending it, and I took a crazy (crazy-for-middle-aged-lady crazy) leap and purchased the whole damn album and loved it. The album is one of those I can listen to while I am online, sewing, walking, doing dishes, whatever. It rocks. It rocks softly, but it rocks.
To continue with catch-up, Gwen Bell asks what the best place of 2009 was. This isn't particular to this year. My bedroom has always been my favorite location, regardless of age or living situations. I love that I don't have to buy an overpriced ticket to the Bahamas to get away. My cozy bed and a closed door handles all that for me. As a kid, I would escape from the world by crossing into my bedroom, which held any universe, any world I felt apt for the moment. My bedroom could be a castle, Xanadu, a dance floor, or a pool complete with friendly dolphins. As I got older, my room usually transformed into a place of music - a concert hall, a recording studio. I had these killer headphones that I would turn on way too loud, which is probably why this middle-aged lady doesn't hear too well out of one ear. (All the better to ignore you with, my dear.)

If I HAD to pick a favorite place particular to this year, it would be Mill's Park because I spent countless hours there with my kids, often riding the little train, which is my favorite summer activity.

So there! Two past challenges down. Now, what else can I do to avoid the cushion?

Best of 2009: Startup, Moment of Peace, and Challenge

2009-12-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

Gwen Bell - Big Love in a Small World - Blog - The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: "What's a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?"

Can't say I can think of anything. Not one. I have stores I love. My favorite being County Purr Farm, my local scrapbooking store, where I have spent hours with my closest girl friends creating and talking. I also love The Purple Avacado, although I can count on one hand how many times I crossed the purple threshold in 2009. I will always enjoy spending time at my local JoAnne's and the local Mill End even if the past two years have seen a drastic decrease in my time at the sewing machine. There's something about walking down aisles of fabric, creating in my head all sorts of projects - a skirt from purple jersey for me, blue and white PJs for my son, a lady bug dress for my daughter. I get to sew even if the products never materialize. As weird as it may seem, I love my neighborhood Walgreen's - I print my beloved photos there, and you can get great college-ruled, purse-sized notebooks for a dollar! I still love New York and Company for clothes that actually fit me and Gap Body for the most comfie undies known to womankind.

None of these count, however, because they are not new to me. So I'm tapping out of this one.

For my catch-up entry, Ms. Bell asks about a moment of peace. This year is a good one for me. I would say I reached a deeper state of concentration than I have before and that I have reached levels of peace more profoundly than I have before, but it seems that writing about them is impossible without making it sound trite and cliche. Let me just say that my three-month focus on practice, my retreats, and Focused and Fearless really helped me progress in my practice.

My best challenge is easy, but what I just wrote had to be deleted because it would not be professional of me to post about it in a public setting. I'll sum it up to say budget cuts suck, and sometimes being the person representing others can be incredibly stressful - knowing that if you blow it, you're blowing it for thirty people, not just yourself, adds to the stress immensely. It was a challenge in managing anger, in leading, in communicating, and in dealing with disagreement. We lost. But I grew a lot in the process.

Best Blog Find of 2009

2009-12-21T21:45:00.001-08:00

I am catching up on the Best of 2009 blog prompts.

In some sort of voyeuristic way, I like to read blogs, but the truth is that it's too easy to spend countless hours reading about someone else's life rather than living my own. So in general, I avoid them.

Then I found this blog: Creative Therapy. It's a blog where they post a weekly challenge to create art about a personal topic. It's largely for scrapbookers, but there are all kinds of mixed media artists who participate.

The blog serves more than one purpose for me. To begin with, it feeds into that voyeuristic side of me, that part of me that likes to see what people are watching on TV when I drive past their homes, the part of me that likes to browse through random people's Flikr postings and imagine what each person must be like and what her life must be like, that part of me that likes to listen to conversations around me - in restaurants, in lines, in stores while they're on cell phones. On Creative Therapy, I can read about one woman's anger toward her mother-in-law and another's desire to learn to fly. I totally dig that kind of thing.

I also get to see great and different kinds of mixed media art, which intrigues me. I'm a scrapbooker, but I can appreciate the work I see on this web page. They highlight a different artist every week, too, which means I get to find new sources of inspiration for my crafts, which is always fun.

I also like the idea that scrapbooking doesn't always have to be about events (birthdays, holidays and recitals) and that they don't always have to be about the happy elements of life (how great my kids are, how cute they are, how I love my dogs). I scrapbook about my kids for my kids (and for me), but I have recently started a Book of Me so that my kids can one day know me as a person, not just as their mom. These challenges give me ideas to include in that album. And it won't always be pretty and happy.

But I also like the prompts they give, which get me thinking about myself in ways I sometimes haven't thought about myself. Like what is something I want to do before my next birthday, for example. I haven't actually created a page off these prompts, yet, but I plan to for my book of me album.

Best of: Recap and Project

2009-12-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

I have been following Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 blog challenge for December. I have covered quite a bit. Before I move on to today's blog, I want to clarify something. The blog on Focused and Fearless basically counts for best book, while its author counts as best new person, and the associated retreat counts as best workshop. For a book I wasn't that thrilled about reading, it made a huge impact on me and my practice.

Today's topic is "project." What did you start this year that you're proud of.
It took some time to ponder this one. For quite some time, I could think of nothing. My projects aren't huge; they are, nevertheless, projects about which I feel some pride. The first is the organization of my crafting space, which I blogged about this summer on my other blog. It's so much easier to work in that environment now, and the space invites creative play.

I did start organizing my files and desk area, but that -- sadly -- never really materialized past the purchased labeler and some nicely labeled files. I need more follow-through there.

The other project that I am feeling pretty good about has to do with the senior project. I am working toward making the project more technologically friendly. The senior project is, after all, supposed to prepare students for the "real world," and truthfully what could better prepare them for this current world than technology? So I took all our forms and made them Adobe forms.

However, the one project I am most anticipating is the new digitial portfolio we're going to be piloting. To prevent as many glitches as possible, I made a template that students will be able to work out of. It's in Word, but you then publish it as a web page so that the links work fluidly. Someone can scroll down, page by page, or click on links from the table of contents and then back again. I'm crossing my fingers that it plays out well and that we don't have tons of judges without portfolios to view for whatever reason. But I think it's worth the effort and time it has taken me.

Best of 2009: New Person and Best Book

2009-12-20T07:05:00.000-08:00

This one is a hard one for me. I've met a lot of new people - I do every year as a teacher. I like a lot of them; in fact, I like a lot of them a lot. Lots of people from Dharma Zephyr have made an impact on me, but none of them are new. I've also gotten to know some people better who then kind of became new people to me because of the new impressions they made on me:

Ben, a special ed teacher, and his wife. They're both incredibly dedicated to their professions, their politics, and their son.
Corina, the person who will be our new SP Coordinator. She's uber organized and professional.
Our superintendent. Underneath that stoic persona is a man who cares a lot.
Kenley, the daughter of a couple friends of mine. She was born early in 2009. She's so adorable, unique, and cute that you can't help but adore her. She's a special needs baby who is the happiest baby I have EVER met.
Jenny, Kenley's mom. I always saw her as a super business woman. After Kenley's birth, a new Jenny was revealed to me, one who is loving and adoring and yet a fierce advocate for her daughter. She has inspired me.

All of these people and more have made an impression on me, but I think the one person who most impacted me is someone I never got to really know personally: Shaila Chatherine, who wrote the book Focused and Fearless (the book that I have chosen as best book of 2009) and who taught one of the day-long retreats I attended.

I went into this book dragging my feet. I knew it was about the jhanas (euphoric states that arise from deep concentration), and so I expected that I would get little out of it. I may never in my life time reach a jhanic state and will certainly not do so any time in the near future. So when the sangha chose this book to read together, I thought it would likely not mean much to me.

But I was wrong. First of all, much of the book deals with elements that apply to all Buddhists and that must be well-developed in order to begin jhanic practice. Things like equanimity and concentration. In fact, Catherine's chapter on equanimity is the best I have ever read on the subject. I must have read it three times. So as it turns out, the book had quite a bit of application for me.

Plus, a new focus of meditation was opened to me. Before I had just tried to quiet my mind or I would sometimes do metta (loving kindness meditation). But after doing concentration practice, I learned how powerful concentration practice can be. With concentration comes quiet; with quiet comes peace; with peace comes happiness. I grew a lot in my practice as a result of Shaila Catherine's book and retreat.

So thank you to DZIMC for choosing this book and introducing me to this amazing person and thank you to Shaila Catherine for being such a knowledgeable person and for sharing that knowledge with us.

Best of 2009: Night Out

2009-12-19T18:53:00.000-08:00

*YAWN*

That's not because of the topic suggested by Gwen Bell. It's because it's 7:00, and bedtime approaches. When you have a youngster in your house who gets up at 6:00 without fail, it's almost impossible to ever sleep in. Even when he decides to sleep in or he is at a grandma's house for the night or DH gets up with him, I'm up by 6:00, even earlier most of the time, wide awake unable to go back to sleep even if I desperately want to.

So nights out are rare for me because they usually require being out past a bedtime that allows for me to get some sleep. Still, I will occasionally venture out.

I have had a few fun nights out with the girls eating and drinking or eating and then catching a movie. The picture below was from a very fun night.

And tomorrow night will be another one of those nights. We don't often get wild. Sometimes we enjoy wine; other times we eat dinner and go window shopping. But just being with my girlfriends, enjoying their company, is a blast in and of itself.

However, I still think my best night was the one in which Jason and I went to La Strada and then saw Bill Maher. I knew we were going out to dinner, but my husband had tickets to Bill Maher purchased long in advance as a surprise. The dinner was great; the company even better. The kids had their first sleepover together, so we got to not worry about what time we got home or paying a babysitter. You can't beat that!

Best of 2009: Car Ride

2009-12-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

Writer's block. . . .

Hmmmm . . . .

Best car ride?

Couldn't tell ya.

I think it's yet to come. I love driving around town with my kids looking at Christmas lights. We do this at least once per season, sipping hot cocoa as we drive, ooohing and aaahing as much as possible. When a toddler sits in your car and sees sparkling lights, the moment is magical. He squeals with delight and points and laughs. It brings joy to your heart that something so simple brings him such pleasure.

With the snow around town and the crazy end-of-the-semester schedule, we haven't fulfilled this holiday tradition yet, but I'm sure when we do, that night ride will be my best car ride of the year.

2009 shopping

2009-12-18T19:49:00.001-08:00

I am still following Gwenn Bell's Best of 2009 blog prompts. Today's is shopping - where did you spend most of your money? I hate to say it, even though I work very hard to nix the Starbucks habit during my low-impact months, I always end up working my way back to regular Starbucks lattes. It's not a daily habit, but it's pretty darn close.

My coffee addiction doesn't really bother me; however, not only is Starbucks a waste of money, but it's also a garbage-producing machine. Think about all those green and white (or red this time of year) cups that fill our landfills because of people like me.

Still, there's something very comforting about sitting at my desk at work or on the couch while I'm reading to my kids or at my computer desk while holding a nice, hot latte.

I read about this study where they told people they were coming in for a survey. At the elevator entrance, they had a girl standing with a clipboard who took their names and basic demographic information before they were to head upstairs to the actual study. Unbeknownst to the participants, the study was actually taking place there. For half the people, she held a hot drink and would ask them to hold it while she wrote down information. The other half were asked to hold her cold drink. Once upstairs, they were asked what they thought about the person at the elevator - was she friendly, warm, outgoing, etc.? Those who were asked to hold the hot cup were much more like to see her as a friendly, outgoing and caring person than those who held the cold cups thought she was.

That study resonated with me because I really feel more calm and in a weird way kind of safe when I hold a hot cup in my hands. It's as much about the experience as it is about the taste or the caffeine. That's why the travel mugs don't really cut it - because they insulate too well.

Lots of silly rationalization for my sloppy habit. That's what blogging is all about, right?

2009: Practice

2009-12-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

The year 2009 was a year of practice for me for many different reasons. Last spring, I was tested and had to do my best to apply the Buddhist teachings in a somewhat confrontational setting. It was a challenge to apply compassion and right speech when I really just wanted to scream, cry, and . . . well, you know, throw a temper tantrum. I wasn't perfect, that's for sure. But I did handle some things more maturely than I normally would have, and I think I did have compassion for someone whom at the time I didn't want to feel anything by anger toward. It was an excellent couple months of the more practical form of "practice."

I did two low-impact months of no shopping, which is always an excellent form of awareness practice.

This summer, I followed through on a 90-day focus on practice during which I meditated every day, attended a day-long concentration retreat, read articles, listened to podcast dharma talks, read a dharma book, and tried to live by the ten grave precepts. I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much at the time, but in retrospect, my practice grew tremendously.

I also felt that in the summer, largely a result of my daily meditations, I was able to reach new levels of concentration. It was good because it spurred my interest more in the meditation or "practice" side of Buddhism, not just the daily life stuff. My meditations at two of the day-longs I attended were the quietest and most concentrated I have ever been.

I feel I am applying my practice more to daily life now; I'm seeing the fruits of my efforts. I am more equanimous in general - not getting as ruffled as quickly. Sure, I still have a long journey ahead of me, but the past year has been a year of flourishing practice for me.

In 2010 I hope to attend a residential retreat and to engage in another 90 days of a focus on practice. I also plan on doing two more low-impact months and attending as many day-long retreats as possible.

So here's to a great year of practice and hopefully a full 2010.

2009: Best Article

2009-12-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

I am a reader. That's how I learn about the world, and writing is how I process what I learn about the world. Right now, I've been on this kick of reading about the plasticity of the brain. I just find it a really cool concept that has far-reaching implications for me personally but also culturally if we use this information properly. So I subscribe to Rick Hanson's Just One Thing newsletter. Recently, he wrote in an article called "Take in the Good" about the brain's negativity bias and how it relates to happiness. He explains that humans have a natural tendency to focus on the negative - it makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, considering that in the wild you have to pay more attention to the thing that might kill you versus the thing that brings you pleasure. Hanson explains some techniques to circumvent the negativity bias - mostly he says to set time aside to focus on the positive.

All of this is interesting, but the article meant a lot more to me a week later. I had decided to give it to my seniors to read. These students are anything but readers, and I do my best to find non-fiction pieces I can give them to help prepare them for college and to expose them to new ideas. Much to my surprise, they loved the article. They asked to keep a copy of it. One student came in before school to thank me for sharing it with him.

I was pleasantly shocked. It was nice to know that I found a topic they felt pertained to them; in fact, it was nice to know they saw it as a topic that pertained to them.

So really, this one Rick Hanson article ended up being a connection between me and a group of non-readers. Maybe, with any luck, the article will increase their curiosity about the world.

Besties: Trip and Restaurant Experience

2009-12-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

So I listen to this podcast called "Zen is Stupid," which you might think is odd for a Buddhist-type like me, but the title is misleading. The two gabbers, Gwen and Patrick, are Buddhist, although their podcasts are not always about Buddhism, per se.

I was intrigued by their most recent podcast in which Gwen explained her December blogger challenge of bests. For each day of the month, she posts a topic for which you can blog your best of. I will start with the first two topics: best trip and best restaurant moment.

I will sum up the trip in pictures, rather than a rambling bloggy message:

Quick digression: Can Blogger not figure out an easier way to post and move photos in a blogpost? Good Lord!

Now to my best restaurant experience: I'm sure all you parents out there get this, but most of my restaurant experiences involve crayons and/or play areas, which means I don't really get a lot of great meals out. I'm usually pretty excited when I can sneak a bite of my son's chicken nuggets without my husband seeing. But I was lucky enough to get two really tasty meals out: one at Z Bistro, a french bistro in town, and the other at La Strada, a famous Italian restaurant in Reno.

All I ordered at Z Bistro was borscht, but it was lovely to the eyes and to the taste buds. I also got to enjoy the company of my mom and my aunt Ilse.

My lamb at La Strada was heavenly. Pure heaven, I tell you. It didn't hurt that I had a great glass of wine to go with it and that the entire evening (dinner and the Bill Maher show) were a complete surpriseby my husband.

So, more to come later.

OUCH!

2009-10-28T19:41:00.001-07:00

Kinked my neck. It hurts. I'm whiney and full of self-pity. Fortunately, we have a three day weekend that I can spend in bed if need-be.

Watching Them Grow Part II

2009-10-28T19:21:00.001-07:00

My lil' guy will be three next month! It's amazing how quickly time flies.

With his birthday approaching, I have been thinking a lot about how he has changed. He is a peculiar lad who gets very attached to certain things and certain routines. It's usually sweet and cute, although there are times it can make things difficult. Nevertheless, I thought I would share some of his cute quirks:

He sleeps with a paci, two silky blankets and as many trains as he can cram into his bed.
He loves to kiss me.
He likes to take his Thomas train to the park and send it down the big, curly slide. In fact the above picture of him and his train was taken at a park.
He is terrified of showers, spiders, nail clippers, and sitting on the toilet.
Every morning when I get him out of bed, I dress him and then hang him upside down as I carry him downstairs. Once in the kitchen, I set him down and get him a granola bar. He sits in my chair at the table, but with his Thomas mat in front of him. (This is an example of one of his goofy routines. He isn't super flexible.
He likes to sit on my lap while I surf the Thomas web page.
He copies much of what his older sister does. If she says she has a stomach ache, he says he has one. If she says she doesn't like her dinner, he says he doesn't like his.
He loves to be read to, which is one of my favorite things to do with him.
He loves parks and the Children's Musuem.

Anyway, we're looking forward to Halloween, which around here is Friday because Saturday is Nevada Day. We get Friday off. WOOHOO!

Happy Nevada Day and Happy Halloween!

Watching them grow isn't always easy

2009-10-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

My daughter is getting to be a "big kid." She already has that big kid attitude, the whatever in her voice. But she'll always be my little girl. I have been reflecting lately on her growing up and the things that I so admire or find endearing in her personality right now:

She is an includer, always making sure people feel part of the group.
Although she loves princesses, she also likes trains and tools.
She is still, even at age six, a crazy dresser, and sometimes I want to scream You can't leave the house in THAT at her. Nevertheless, I bite my tongue and let her walk proudly out the door in her purple dress, red leggings, and rainbow socks.
She is incredibly creative and can develop plot lines more intriguing that those in most children's movies.
She can read better than some high school kids, no kidding. I knew she'd be a good reader, but holy cow, the girl can read some challenging material!
She won't clean her room, but she will line up every toy in the bathroom, meticulously fold all the towels, strategically place the soap dispenser in the most particular way, and even line up the toilet paper rolls better than most OCD adults I know. Meanwhile, her room is literally dangerous to walk into.
She has a better understanding of pitch than do I and is proving very successful on the piano.
She draws lovely pictures of all sorts of things, but especially of people she loves.

Let us not forget to show our appreciation for those we love.

Lucky Me

2009-10-26T21:20:00.001-07:00

It occurred to me today how lucky I am to have the job I have. I get to work with young people who are full of energy, compassion, and a desire to succeed. While I find my work frustrating at times, it is largely rewarding and inspiring.

Today I witnessed students struggling to understand a complicated topic (misused/misplaced modifiers). While they found it confusing, they barreled through it without complaint. I was without a doubt proud of their work ethics.

This weekend . . .

2009-10-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

. . . was a blast. I got to attend one of the two single-day retreats by Donald Rothberg. He is one of my favorite teachers because he incorporates interactive activities to the day. While I felt that the second day's topic - Keeping Cool In The Fire: Becoming More Skillful With Inner Or Outer Conflict - was more personally relevant, I was only able to attend the Saturday retreat on Emptiness and Compassion. As it turns out, it was a happy accident, as I found the day enlightening and relevant.

I had previously decided the Buddhist concept of emptiness was beyond me, that okay - if I ever have the opportunity to go deep into practice, that I might get the chance to understand this topic somewhat vaguely.

But alas, Donald made the topic very clear. And this abstract concept is paradoxically kind of simple. He defines emptiness as no self without interdependence, meaning that we as individuals and our experiences do not exist without the myriad of other elements that play into/build upon the "self" and its experiences.

I try to come up with examples, but they fall flat, so let's just leave it at that. I feel very grateful to have had the opportunity to spend the day with such loving, compassionate people and to learn so much in so short a time. Plus, I meditated today for forty minutes, which I never do at home. It was a breeze. The day-longs definitely further my practice.

Meanwhile, DH and I attended a party sans kids, which we haven't done in YEARS. It was a blast hanging out with friends where none of us had to change a diaper, settle a dispute, leave at 7 p.m. for bedtime, or wipe a nose.

Today was productive. The kids spent the night at my MIL's house, which meant I was able to work on Rosalind's costume, clean my car, do laundry, go to lunch DH and meditate all without interruption.

I feel very lucky to have the life I have.

War

2009-10-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

How do you explain war to an inquisitive six-year-old?

At the dinner table tonight, my husband and I struggled to answer our daughter's questions regarding war. What is war? Why is our country at war? Of the two wars we have now, which is "the good war"?

It saddened me to be explaining to this sweet child that people kill one another over serious issues, but also sometimes over money and greed.

Over the last few years, I have experienced a lot of sadness and guilt: I can get up every morning knowing with some relative certainty that my children will return home alive at the end of the day, but many mothers in Iraq don't have that luxury. Isn't that something that all mothers deserve?

I watched my daughter with pride and a little twinge of grief as her face got quiet after every answer we offered. She lost a bit of her innocence, her belief that the world is a completely safe and loving place. She seemed to understand the complexity of the situation, the gray areas of something as complicated as war.

This is what it's like to watch a little girl grow up. It's not entirely bad.

And then tonight I found this image:. It brought me to tears.

My one hope is that her generation can find away around killing human beings as a solution to problems. It's a far-off, light-headed dream, I know. But I'm willing to wait and see.

More on Happiness

2009-10-04T14:09:00.001-07:00

One other comment about happiness that stood out from the Rick Hanson retreat is his comment that people learn better when they're happy because dopamine encourages synaptic development. As a teacher, I clicked into this concept. It is a good reminder to find enjoyable ways for my students to learn.

That's all for this cold, wet kind of day.

Happiness, Meditation and the Brain

2009-10-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: In this blog post I cover some very complicated issues presented at a retreat. I hope that I come close to the target as I try to explain them. I am not a neural scientist and do not fully understand the concepts I relay, but I have done my best is formulating my understanding of them.

When I went shopping for a faith a couple years back, the NPR Science Friday episode that covered the Dalai Lama and scientists studying happiness caught my attention. The show documented a connection between Buddhist practice and happiness. I couldn't have been more intrigued, so I started looking into Buddhism and eventually decided to dive in and start my practice.

Part of my practice is attending our sangha's day-long retreats. The recent Rick Hanson retreat covered meditation and the brain. Part of that talk included a discussion on happiness.

Hanson talked about synaptic patterns and how they form. He explained that "those that fire together wire together," meaning that when a person has repeated thought patterns, synapses fire; those firings form a connection, thereby forming a neural pattern. For example, a person who is ruminating about an argument she had with her partner is solidifying that negative pattern through her rumination. Then she sees her partner, and those negative synapses are triggered, and a negative attitude toward her partner is stimulated.

One of the more intriguing elements of this is that negative thought processes "wire together" much more quickly than do positive thought processes. Hanson pointed out to us that this serves a biological, evolutionary purpose. A primate living in the wild must pay more attention to those things that could kill her than those things that bring her pleasure. It's a matter of survival.

Hanson's point in discussing this is that we need to consciously focus more on the positive thoughts to encourage our brains to think positively. Because negative patterns formulate more quickly and more easily than do positive, we must work harder at developing the positive. Meditation, specifically metta meditation, does this. When a meditator sits and focuses on loving, kind feelings associated with others, even toward a person with whom she has difficulties, she is solidifying that positive synaptic association. The result is a happier and kinder person.

As part of our practice that day, Hanson lead us through a guided meditation using the following steps:

Setting intention
Relaxing the body
Focusing on feelings of safety
Evoking positive emotions
Absorbing the benefits

Step four had a profound effect on me - during this step I felt euphoric. The process is to focus on all the things in your life that make you happy. Doing so after having done steps one through three - for me - resulted in intense happiness and a very quiet mind. While going through my list of things that make me happy (my children, my marriage, my job, my sangha, my dogs, my friends, etc.), I started listing things that I would normally consider a negative. I was moved by this connection - that I could learn to deeply love the problems and the people that bring me strife.

One of the things I so dearly love is science, particularly medical science. I love to read about new discoveries in science. At this retreat Hanson illustrated just how far the field of neural science has come when he said that in the last twenty years we have doubled our understanding of the brain and that scientists expect that to double again in the next twenty years.

The biggest discovery has been our understanding of the relationship between the brain and the mind: no longer do scientists believe that the brain only affects the mind, but they now also believe that the mind affects the brain, as illustrated in the "those that fire together wire together" concept I mentioned above.

That is huge. Everyone should know this.

Yes, hormonal imbalances can affect mood, but we also now know that thought patterns can affect biological functions that happen in the brain, thereby either encouraging or discouraging happiness.

This is good news: We have some control over happiness.

Rick Hanson Retreat

2009-09-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

I spent Saturday at a daylong retreat hosted by Dharma Zephyr Insight Medidation Community and taught by Dr. Rick Hanson. Hanson is a psychologist who is also a Buddhist practitioner and a contributor to recent research on the brain and meditation. (His web page is wisebrain.org. I suggest everyone check it out.)

The day's talk gave me so much to think about that I don't even know where to start on this blog. After some thought, I decided to start with a theme I focused on a while back as a result of Hanson's newsletter for wisebrain.org: not taking things personally.

A while back, one of the DZ members suggested our sangha do a year of practice, where each one of us takes one suggestion from the Wise Brain bulletin and focus on that one element. I adopted the challenge to not taking things personally.

I think it's important to start this discussion with a caveat on my experience: not taking things personally is like asking myself to never get angry. For me, it is pretty much an impossible task. I did take things personally, but there were moments in which I was able to contemplate my response to a certain stimuli and to try to not take it personally.

On the superficial level, not taking things personally can do wonders for your relationship by establishing a peace that might not otherwise exist. When my husband, for example, asked me if I understood the essay he gave me, I reminded myself to not take things personally. I avoided the normal, negative response I have to his concerns that I don't understand something intellectual. What could have been another terse moment between the two of us turned into a short, not unpleasant discussion.

On a deeper level, not taking things personally is letting go of the self, a Buddhist teaching that not only boggles my mind, but often evades it as well. I do not exist because - really - what am I? As Rick Hanson's partner with the Wise Brain web page, Dr. Rick Mendius explains, ". . . [T]here is no self to be injured, but only the arising and passing of states of mind." If I remember that I am not insulted, but rather there exists an emotion of feeling insulted, I can separate from it. This is good practice at beginning to understand the concept of no self, for me anyway.

A better method of understanding of no self would have been to attend the second day-long retreat. Sunday's topic was No Self and the Brain. From what I hear, it was fascinating.

I could write for a year on topics that emerged in the retreat, but I think I'll cover two more: happiness and brain chemistry. To be continued . . . .

In Remembrance

2009-09-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

Today is September 11, 2009. Eight years ago, I stood in front of my television and watched as a plane flew into the second tower. At that moment, I was clueless as to the extent of what was happening, but underneath my confusion, I knew that my world was about to change.

Eight years later, I still mourn the day that so many died in the terrorist attacks. I don't mourn the loss of our country's innocence, however. If anything good could come from such a terrible day, it is that Americans began to see themselves through the eyes of others. It took some time, but because of September 11, more Americans are aware of the fact that our government funds groups like al-Qaida when it serves in our best interest. After September 11, we began to see that America is not always the great liberator that we think she is. What could be more patriotic than seeing your own country with clear vision and not the myopia that so often limits our vision? To be able to love your country and know that she isn't perfect is a gift.

And still, it is a day I mourn. I mourn for those who lost their lives, those who lost loved ones, and those who suffered unmentionable grief as they witnessed their own city collapse.

On this day eight years ago, common Americans became heroes, entering burning buildings to save others, facing off with terrorists to prevent more loss of lives, and giving of their all to help their neighbor escape a calamitous situation.

It is also the day that our country joined together and for once put down differences in ideology.
But I am sentimental about this day. I am aware that that our joining together is what led us into an unjust war. In the days following September 11, our president could have led us to war with France because we so blindly bonded.

As I write this, I see contradicting statements in my words and lack of coherence - bouncing back and forth between ideas and stances, lack of smooth transitioning, inarticulately worded sentiments. Yet, I am okay with that because I know that that dissonance most clearly reflects my feelings on this anniversary. September 11 is so powerful for me because it contains for me deep grief, love, sorrow, and hope, as paradoxical as that may sound. America is, after all, a country of paradoxes.

Fatigue

2009-09-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

I should grade papers. I should do laundry. I should get things ready for the morning. I should put my toddler back into his bed for the umpteenth time.

But sometimes the evening fatigue weighs me down like an anchor.

Tonight I am moored.

And feeling very guilty.

Achebe Vs. Conrad (or Achebe Vs. Me) Part II

2009-09-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about the topic of my last posting quite a bit since I last posted. Tonight, I sat down and in Yahoo typed Achebe and . . . . Before I could type Conrad, Yahoo filled it in with "Conrad." It seems I'm not the only one concerned with this topic and not the only one to defend Conrad and still admire Achebe.

Caryl Phillips writes for The Guardian, "The lecture has since come to be recognised as one of the most important and influential treatises in post-colonial literary discourse. However, the problem is I disagree with Achebe's response to the novel, and have never viewed Conrad - as Achebe states in his lecture - as simply 'a thoroughgoing racist'. Yet, at the same time, I hold Achebe in the highest possible esteem, and therefore, a two-hour drive up the Hudson River Valley into deepest upstate New York would seem a small price to pay to resolve this conundrum."

Phillips writes about his discussion with Achebe, and I must say that some of what Achebe says is convincing:

"...If Conrad's intention is to draw a cordon sanitaire between himself and the moral and psychological malaise of his narrator, his care seems to me to be totally wasted because he neglects to hint, clearly and adequately, at an alternative frame of reference by which we may judge the actions and opinions of his characters. It would not have been beyond Conrad's power to make that provision if he had thought it necessary. Conrad seems to me to approve of Marlow..."

Okay, I see his point. It's kind of what I thought about the narrator of Things Fall Apart.

Achebe goes on to say, "Africa as setting and backdrop, which eliminates the African as human factor. Africa as a metaphysical battlefield devoid of all recognisable humanity, into which the wandering European enters at his peril. Can nobody see the preposterous and perverse arrogance in thus reducing Africa to the role of props for the break-up of one petty European mind?"

I'm tired and have thoughts that are not making their way into the world of words, so I'm going to just say, "Okay, Achebe. I hear ya'."

Achebe Vs. Conrad (or Achebe Vs. Me)

2009-09-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is a very English-teachery kind of post, so for those of you who thought talking about literature in school was akin to torture, move on, my friends, move on.

I am reading Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart. I really like the story and the cadence of the language. The metaphorical, almost lyrical, story telling is enchanting.

But I should tell you that I procrastinated reading this book for a very long time because Achebe once gave a very famous speech in which he called Joseph Conrad a racist because of what he wrote in Heart of Darkness.

Now, I am not the biggest fan of Heart of Darkness (although I celebrate its literary value), but I have to say that anyone who calls Conrad a racist is completely missing the point of Conrad's book.

Back up: Why does Achebe call Conrad racist? I can see why, I guess. The story is about a man who travels into the heart of Africa via the Congo to retrieve a man lost to civilization. I can see why superficially someone might know the plot and think, "Conrad likens Africa to man's heart of darkness. He is calling the Africans evil; therefore, Conrad equals racist."

The fallacy in this syllogism is that Conrad isn't calling Africans evil. What he is really saying is that all men (humans) have within them the ability to act in evil ways. But at an even closer reading, we see that the story's theme rests here: the true barbarians are not the natives whom we call "barbarians," but rather the white European colonialists who conquer, rape, murder, enslave and mutilate other human beings all for greed. "The horror! The horror!" that Kurtz malents is not the horrors of the Africans, but the horrors of the white settlers.

I feel oddly defensive of Conrad and his story.

And my defensiveness of Conrad kept me from reading Achebe's book for a long time (seven years to be exact). As I expected, however, I am enjoying the book except that if Achebe can call Conrad a racist, then I can call Achebe a sexist. The narrator speaks about how the main character deserved to be able to beat his wife because, after all, she wasn't home in time to make dinner, but it was the Week of Peace, so he had to be punished. Later, we learn that the main character is proud because he can see that his son will be able to control his wives. There are a few other tidbits here and there.

I would never call Conrad a racist, and I am aware that Achebe isn't the speaker here, but rather the narrator. But if he can read so superficially, a part of me wants to do the same to him.

But I won't. Well, I guess I just did. But I will enjoy the last few pages of his book that I haven't been able to put down.

Jewelry

2009-07-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

Our 8th anniversary is approaching, and my husband has suggested that he buy me a piece of jewelry that I pick out. My first thought: "I'd rather get a new iPod." I'm not sure what this says about me, if anything.

I have never been a big jewelry person. I like costume jewelry, you know - the kind that isn't locked up behind glass in department stores. But even the most expensive item in my jewelry box, the wedding ring I have literally outgrown, is only worth a couple hundred dollars.

Right before Rosalind was born, I read King Leopold's Ghost, a book about the Dutch colonization of what we now call Congo. Cutting off a hand was often punishment in the diamond mines. The picture of a Congolese man and his son both missing a hand still haunts me today. It wasn't just their missing hands that bothered me, but also the thought of what the father went through when his son's hand was cut off that disturbed me. Since then, diamonds have not only not appealed to me, but they have also come to represent something sinister to me. Unlike Kanye West who sings in "Diamonds from Sierre Leone" about his attempt to reconcile his desire for "bling" with his desire to do no harm to his African brethren, I don't desire diamonds at all.

This isn't to say that I'm not greedy and that I don't want things. That would be wholly dishonest. I want electronic gadgets, books, crafting supplies, a new bike, clothes, a kid-free vacation, and some salad plates. And a hybrid car, but that will have to wait a couple years.

The question I often consider is whether those kinds of images - of people with missing hands, of dead animals, of destroyed or polluted environments - exist behind the objects I so happily purchase: patterned paper, flip flops, Revlon lip gloss, printer cartridges. If I knew that was the case, would I stop buying these items? Could I know it? Would I choose to know it?

Meanwhile, I have to decide whether to or not I should take my husband up on his offer and avoid the diamond aisle altogether or to suggest a different route, like maybe a love letter. Or a bike. Or a new iPod.

The Laugh's On Me

2009-07-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

So much for my plan of avoiding any kind of consumption. Today I realized Sawyer only has three pair of shorts, and one pair is at my mom's. So I broke my own rule, but not completely: I went shopping at the OARC thrift store. (Note to self: Always hit OARC first .They're prices are amazing. I bought a pair of shorts for Sawyer and a coloring book for a total of 35 cents. Huzzah! Similar shorts were 3.50 at Goodwill.)

Later the entire family and I went to Goodwill for some more shopping. I found a pair of shorts for Sawyer, which was the whole point. But I have trouble resisting deals and definitely experienced that clinging feeling. I wanted the salad plates, the tote bag, and the movie (in a medium we don't even own anymore). Even a thrift store brings out my desire to acquire. However, that feeling I get from acquiring only lasts for a short while, promptly leading to more acquiring. It's like an addiction and one that is encouraged every time I turn on the TV, walk into a store, drive past a billboard or listen to the radio.

My one success: I REALLY wanted a latte and not a home-brewed latte. I even got into my car to drive to Starbucks . . . and then got out of the car and walked hangdoggedly back into the house and brewed a mediocre iced latte.

Total non sequitur: I started getting chest pains on the way to Goodwill. I am pretty sure it's heartburn because what I read says that if when you lay down it gets worse, it's probably GI related. It was pretty painful and scary, and no, I did not go to the hospital like I know I should have. But I'm sitting here now and not feeling any pain, so all is well.

Low Impact, Round IV

2009-07-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

I'm doing another low-impact consumption month. I am going about it a little differently this time. Instead of just making it about environmental issues, I am trying to incorporate awareness of clinging and finances. In the past, I didn't buy anything (or avoided buying anything) that meant more trash in our landfills. This meant I could buy electronic items, such as songs on iTunes and digital scrapbooking items from Two Peas.

My goal this time is to let go of the rush, no matter how small, that comes with acquiring something. If I'm buying an Adobe action or fonts for a digi page, I'm still getting the same rush I get when I buy brads and stickers from Michael's.

I also need to pay more attention to my spending. I'm not someone who goes out an buys a nice, new car or a new couch. I whittle money away. I buy three yards of fabric here and scrapbooking paper there and pants for my son here and a hat for my daughter there. It adds up.

What I want is to be more careful about differentiating between "need" and "want." At least being aware of the two differences may be helpful.

Here's the other issue that has recently come to my attention: I have A LOT of crafting items - paper, ribbon, fabric, patterns, etc. I just emptied my craft area of six bags of stuff to give away and two trash bags of garbage. Although things are cleaner and more organized, there is still way too much stuff. Since Sawyer was born, I have sewn very little - an outfit for my daughter and a few small items, like napkins. This hasn't stopped my purchasing of fabric and patterns, however. So I'm sure you can imagine how things start to pile up.

One possible glitch is that my sister-in-law is coming out here for a week with her three kids. We haven't seen them in five years; in fact, I've never met the two youngest. It may very well mean some fast food jaunts and what-not, but I'm willing to postpone the project if necessary. She's definitely worth it.

Hmmm.....

2009-06-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

So I get on the "new" scale last night six times, and every time I get a completely different weight with a 22 pound range from the highest to the lowest. Maybe I haven't gained weight after all . . . .

2009-06-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

I have gained a lot of weight recently. I am not far from my peak weight when I was pregnant the second time around. Not good.

I started working out again out last week - got three days in. I also watched what I ate most days. I lost three pounds in a couple of days and then gained five in the last few, putting me at +2. I've recently experienced a number of awkward pregnancy questions, which spurred me into researching weight gain in women as they age. Turns out that gaining weight, especially in the abdomen, is very typical of someone my age, and it also turns out that losing it is harder as we get older, since women's metabolism slows down 10% for every ten years of age. Plus, as women age, weight loss proves more difficult. Add to that that stress has been proven to be a factor of weight gain, and I have myself a perfect storm.

So now that I know what I'm up against, I can relax and tackle this more methodically. I can't expect to lose weight quickly, and I know that I'm in some ways typical of someone my age. I want to be healthier, and I want to look nicer. It will come with time and with workouts, but I know I cannot expect to be where I was ten years ago, let alone twenty years ago. That actually makes me feel a lot better.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to be more focused, less nibbly at night, and more active overall. We'll see what happens.

Cool Blog Found

2009-06-27T19:44:00.001-07:00

I occasionally like to browse the blogs in blogger. Today I hit this blog: Avignon in Photos. I have been to Avignon and LOVED it. Looking at the pictures makes me want to go back. I loved the architecture, the food, the wine, and yes, even the people. I thought the French were very friendly except in Paris, which is a big city anyway. Looking at the pictures makes me smell France again.

Ahh . . . the days of being free and being able to travel to Europe. Although I miss those days, I ma very content with my life now. Still, I am looking forward to the time when I my kids are old enough to travel out of the country. I think they'll love it.

The extra poundage, dog update

2009-06-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

I gained a lot of weight this semester in a very short period of time. I learned, incidentally, that I am a comfort eater, which I would have denied prior to this semester. Now I'm working on losing it. I lost two pounds in two days without even trying hard, which just goes to show how much I was having to eat to maintain this weight. Last night was a bust, and I ate like a pig. I had forgotten to eat lunch, so I pigged out at dinner.

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Our new edition to the family, Triton the dog, is going to have to go. I like him a lot and especially like that he doesn't shed, but he has bitten both kids in the face. The tricky part is getting the lady from Boxers and Buddies to accept the towel I'm throwing in. She's an excellent dog trainer, and when I told her Triton had bitten Sawyer, she had me come to classes with her and had me follow certain dominance establishing procedures. He seemed to be getting better, and then he bit Rosalind in the hand and then later in the face. As a mother, my first priority is the safety of my kids. Plus, it gets exhausting always having to worry about where the dog is, where the kids are, and whether the dog is feeling threatened. The kids don't harass him, but Triton gets very nervous about feeling cornered, which is when he bites.

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I'm loving summer!